#MyWordForToday is #Pedestals

#MyWordForToday is #Pedestals

I am not watching Big Brother Nigeria, but I can tell you the names of housemates because it is the hottest show at the moment, everyone is talking about it. 

What I find most fascinating though, is how people elevate their favourite housemates and root for them. This is the same way we elevate our Pastors, Imams, Teachers etc and place them on a mental Podium.

What is a pedestal? it is mentally elevating an individual in our minds or subconscious to a certain level and setting explicit expectations on them. 

When they fall short of our assumptions (recall that they didn’t ask for elevation in the first place) we become so disappointed in them. Does this sound familiar? 

It is not unhealthy to look up to individuals, we all need heroes or mentors, but even heroes need some downtime. 

As it is said, “our heroes have feet of clay”.  We human beings are complex, we are prone to our failures and flaws. We are paradoxes, carrying in us two opposing truths: Good and Evil Characters. 

So you see when you place people on pedestals, you deny them the grace of failing, you forget that blood runs through their veins like you, they sleep, shit, yawn, fart, have sex, struggle, bath, fail and die just like you. 

Being respectful of a person and putting them on a 3legged pedestal are two distinct things. 

No matter the station of an individual in life, we must be gracious and fair to ourselves.  We should never look down on anybody, nor should we revere anyone. 

Want to know why? It stops you from having an open mind towards that person you so venerate and this can be counter-productive because no matter how evil an individual is, we have a thing or two to learn from them. 

Yorubas are wont to say “there is nary a bad child without their own good days” meaning that a bad person has their useful days so let's not throw away the baby with the bathwater, likewise we cannot consistently place people on a pedestal that they might drop from.

Let me end this piece by saying when we set others on a pedestal, we are deprived of not only perceiving them as they truly are, but also of knowing ourselves deeply.

People will be who they are regardless of what you assume about them, and what you assume about them does not change who they are in the least - it only changes your perceptions of them.

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora

Your Quirky Coach. 

#MyWordForToday is #Journey

#MyWordForToday is #Journey 

Life is a series of journeys. Every decision we take, or taken on our behalf, becomes a factor in that journey. 

Everything we do entails a journey which is probably why F. M. Alexander said, “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures”.

Our travel to our futures is journeying. But I have found that no two journeys are alike. 

In fact, if you view your journey from other people’s lenses, you will discover for some persons you were/are a villain, and for others, heroes. So what we mean to person A may differ from what we mean to Miss B.

If you have ever read any of my blogs, it will become apparent that I am a fervent advocate of self-leadership and personal development.

I often ask  "what if we journey in self-awareness early enough? Would this perhaps stop another from experiencing hurt at our hands? Will it stop us from hurting ourselves?" I’m afraid I do not have an answer. 

But I do know that a journey into self-discovery is crucial. When you discover who you truly are, you appreciate yourself better, leverage on your strengths and overcome your weaknesses. 

It may be why a journey to discover self is called marathon, and not a sprint. We also call it a journey rather than a destination or a goal. 

Therefore, if you are outcome-oriented, it is likely that you will miss all the lessons the journey could have afforded you. You will then continue to make the same mistakes. 

Why?  What you become while you’re going through that process of growth and discovery is much more satisfying and fulfilling than the goal itself. And the littlest decisions you make here become a momentous one.

On Wednesday, 25th August 2020, I checked my blood pressure because I had been having this pesky headaches that just won't go away. It turned out that I was courting a disaster because my blood pressure was 150/111. 

And there I was glowing and being so fiercely beautiful ❤, you could never say I had any challenge. I was also oblivious my ventricles were screaming for help. 

By that simple decision of checking my BP, the trajectory of my journey has changed, I am forced to make life-changing decisions for my life and well-being. 

It also turned out that 8 out of 10 adult Nigerians are hypertensive, and we treat it so cavalierly. 

Life is a series of decisions, no two journeys are alike, and one person’s reality differs from another, but I hope that by writing about our struggles and wins, someone somewhere may receive help, by our vulnerability and or cajones. And may have a better journey.

So if you have ever wanted to write a book, publish a Blog, start a YouTube channel, just do it, you will be 10 times better than anyone who will judge your writing or presentation skills. 

I learnt from Professor Henry Mintzberg (@Mintzberg141 on twitter) that Society now thrives on something he referred to as  “socially transmitted epidemics” STEs. 

An epidemic that allows us to see mismanagement and “miss-leadership” (my edit) all around us, but many of us do not see it in ourselves, nor do we understand its full consequences let alone it causes. 

So in our journey in life, we must not by actions/ inactions cause STEs to spread by being unduly harsh in our judgment of other people’s journeys. 

The energy to do this must instead be channelled on ourselves, our skill sets, our economic and people value.

We do not have an inexhaustible amount of energy,  therefore we should focus on the stuff good for us and our society.

It is also important to develop the ability to communicate our value to the people that surround us and our society.

Like @momentswithBren said and I reframe “Our journey in this world, particularly in these extraordinary times, has become a full-time job, and it is okay to feel tired. Cry when you want to. Reflect. Re-energize. Refocus. Re-strategize. 

Don’t forget to smell the roses. Life can be such a beautiful journey. 

Always be 'becoming something'.

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora

#MyWordForToday is #Capacity

Capacity building: Some lessons from My Rainbow Story.

In 2012, I got a spanking new job, I was employed as the Head of a Radio Station, my title was Senior Station Manager: Administration and Marketing. I was so excited that finally, my life has taken a turn for the better. 

I proceeded to put all I had, my skills, my time, my knowledge, everything into gaining my boss' confidence and making the Station run smoothly. 

However, even though I was eminently qualified for the job on the formal skill side, I was grossly unqualified for the soft skill (informal) part. 

A Radio station does not run on vibes and Insha Allah, it runs on advertisements brought in by clients. So the actual job of a Station Manager was really not administration, for that, one can get capable hands, your job is in marketing.

This is what stands you out as a capable Manager when you get your station highly rated month after month and adverts are rolling in and are being paid. 

Therefore, you must build relationships with Heads of Establishment, Advertising Agencies etc. You must ensure your station is kept top of mind. You must innovate, and be creative. 

In that baby girl was lacking, I was focusing on the wrong thing. I lacked wisdom in that direction, with that came a certain arrogance….the arrogance of a poor (wo)man and of course, my boss and I began to bicker and my workplace progressively got more toxic. 

My leadership style was constantly called into question, people were snitching on me in order to curry favour. I was on the warpath with the people closest to the Boss because, for them, the best way to get the Boss' ear was to expose my inadequacies. 

If you have ever worked in the kind of place I am describing, you will be able to relate. 

The politics were killing me, I wasn't sleeping well, I started to underperform at even the things I was good at. 

Why is this story necessary? When You are working towards something, you need to build the capacity for that thing.

In my own case, I needed to socialize more and leverage on my boss' high ticket connections, inveigle myself into pretentious events that I hated so much.

Your skillset must be built in order for you to receive and keep certain types of gifts/projects/jobs, If your capacity cannot carry or match them, you are likely to become like the me above….you may crash, burn and waste those opportunities. 

God rarely calls people without first building their character and making them build capacity. The Bible is explicitly against "casting your pearls before swines". 

So, what does capacity building do for you?

A person whose capacity isn't built will most likely waste that gift, ergo a pearl was cast before a swine who has no appreciation of it. 

Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Joshua all had to build capacity before they got the job of Senior Station Manager. And they remained teachable which helped to build their character even more. 

They all went through the process the metal that came out as gold went through so that they could emerge shining.

What will you do today to build capacity towards that stuff you are praying/working for? Are you going to keep saying "when we get to the bridge, we will cross"?

Remember, you need capacity to cross that bridge, prepare for the opportunities you are seeking. Lead yourself, allow your character to be built, be patient with the character-building process...when you get weary, rest and try again. 

This does not mean you will still not make mistakes along the line, nor does it mean your leadership style will please everyone, but because you have built your character, you will arise and move on. 

Seek wisdom, knowledge, understanding. Become emotionally intelligent and street-savvy….build capacity. 

Take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge your inadequacies, whilst working to better yourself. Do not become a prisoner of your own perspectives, but be decisive in making decisions. 

The Universe is not going to wait while you procrastinate or fumble, it has a timetable and it will follow that timetable...time is precious. 

Don't become that Omotoyosi who was sacked for incompetence. She was working hard, but not smart. 

P.S. Insha Allah and Vibes is Nigerian speak for not putting in the work, but saying "it is well". 😭

Let me have your thoughts please....we all have so much to learn. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora.

#MyWordForToday is #Challenges

#Mywordfortoday is #Challenges.

I had shared this before, but called it Guarantees, it ties very well with the theme of the day. 

There are no guarantees in life. Your health, mobility, limbs, and even your thoughts are not guaranteed, they are all gifts.

We are given a body healthy or not, mobile or not, we are given a mind, smart or not, creative or not. We are all given our abilities and it is our choice whether we go beyond our limits for ourselves, or whether we listen to others tell us what our limitations are. 

 It is our choice whether we learn to be better then we are told we can ever be, it is up to us to be who we are satisfied with. 

We are the sum total of our choices, our bodies, our thoughts. When we are at the end of our lives, it is us who determines if it was a life worth living. No matter how long or how short we have here it is us who determines if it was well lived.

There are no guarantees in life.  A job and a business can be given and taken away just as easily. From being financially free to just getting by, to living on nothing at all, there are no guarantees. 

We choose to stop or continue, believe or blame, have faith or have fear. We can choose to see all things as a lesson and learn from both the good and the not so good, and grow or choose not to see lessons at all and stay the same.

There is no guarantee in life. You can invest all your money, heart, soul and time into a business just to watch it slip away from you, you can spend all your time, heart, soul and money getting a job, just to be let go before you even start making anything. You can create wealth and financial freedom, you can have the best plan, have an amazing job or own a business. There are no guarantees in life.

There are no guarantees in life. You can meet the person of your dreams, fall in love and get married, have amazing babies, live and grow old in the most romantic fairy tale, more in love then the day you met, and it could last till the end or you could lose them way too soon,  you can meet, fall in and out of love, have affairs, be cheated on, be alone, be lonely, be a single parent, not ever find your true love. There are no guarantees in life.

There are no guarantees in life. You can have the very best of friends who you get along with all the time, do things you love to do, celebrate with, party with and just enjoying each other's company. They are there for you when things seem tough in your life, help each other out in all the best ways.

You can have friends who you think are your best friends, yet they tell you who you should be, how you should dress, and what you should do. They talk behind your back, judge everything you do and don’t support you in any way. They may do everything they can to make you feel guilty and responsible for the relationship that you are not even happy with. There are no guarantees in life.

Through our lives, we have to take chances. We may never know the outcome until it is done, we may never know the way until the lesson is learned, we will only know for that brief moment what feels right for us that day. 

There are no guarantees, no way of knowing for sure, but wouldn’t it be lovely if we took that chance, knowing there are no guarantees and I am worth living as me, I am worth doing what makes me happy for this one moment in time. 

We all need to take the chances we are given in life, success and failures alike for without all of them I would not be me.

So please go ahead and live your life. Get rid of the “what ifs”, the fears, the worries, the judgements, the second-guessing, and know that no matter what there are no Guarantees so you might as well take a chance and live your life the way you truly want to live it. 

Authored by Yejide Bhadmus, 

Edits Bibireosefowora

Namaste 🙏🏽

#MyWordForToday is #Knowledge

#MyWordForToday is #Knowledge.

My first interaction with the word "knowledge" came from an inscription on my primary school bus "if you think education is expensive, try ignorance". 

I remember reflecting on what this meant. In my house, I'm known to be a voracious reader because I would often steal away to read books belonging to my older cousins. So it was their dictionary I turned to for answers. 

The understanding I got reading through that day, was that education is the acquisition of knowledge through instruction or tutorial. 

My young mind then rephrased this to "if you think knowledge is expensive, try ignorance". This is because you cannot be educated without knowledge.

The word "knowledge" came from the Greek word "Gnosis" which is "knowing through observation or experience". 

I daresay my rephrase was right on the money. We grow to know or understand a thing either by observing, being taught or experiencing same.

Indigenous people, for instance, have intimate knowledge of how the environment works. For years, they have protected the environment by ensuring to balance what they use versus what they grow back. They understood that Earth's resources are finite.

This is why we must be careful not to substitute information for knowledge. In this age of information, there is too little knowledge and too much information. 

The distinction is important because information is just pure data, it is when it is learnt and understood that it becomes knowledge.

Information is useless without learning.

Perhaps this is why Benjamin Carson said: "there is no such thing as useless knowledge; you never know what doors it's going to open up for you".

Steven Silbiger in the Jewish phenomenon says that the Jewish people acquire knowledge for the purpose of acquiring. I would like to believe this is linked to Ben Carson's quote above. 

For me though, knowledge on its own is useless if one refuses to take action on it. It is pointless to do so, in my opinion. I also feel it is unwise. 

APJ Abdul- Kalam says "knowledge with action converts adversity into prosperity". Boom!!!

Your earning ability in today's world is largely dependent upon how you combine your knowledge, skill and ability to create value for customers who will pay for such….this is Brian Tracy rephrased 😊 

And I concur absolutely. 

In the words of Margaret Fuller "if you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it". 

Abu Bakr was reputed to have said that "knowledge without action is useless, and action without knowledge is futile".

The beautiful thing about acquiring knowledge is that once acquired, no one can take it away from you. I believe this is why people often say that "knowledge is power".

I'm reminded of a scene in the series "Game of Thrones" where Littlefinger accosted Queen Cersei with the phrase "knowledge is power".  

Cersei immediately commanded her guards to seize him and cut his throat. In that same breath, she changed her mind and said " Stop! Oh, Wait, I've changed my mind, let him go. She ended that scene by telling a petrified Lord Baelish that  "power is power".

I don't know why I was so fascinated by this scene. But in my mind, it translates to the fact that "knowledge is not power" if we will not act on it.

Knowledge is only power when we are able to take that information and put it to use. It also means that knowledge can be used for good and for bad. 

This is where the distinction between knowledge and wisdom comes in. 

Wisdom is defined as "a practical usage of your knowledge". I have included wisdom in my lexicon as another gracious word because it is one of those words that has very few negative connotations.

This is why I am not going to say wisdom is useless without knowledge 🙈

Wisdom is the ability to discern how to use knowledge. So one can never be wise without first acquiring knowledge, but you are not wise simply because you have acquired knowledge. 

Like Marie Osmond said, "we can have all the knowledge in the world, but it means nothing without the wisdom to know what to do with it". 

I won't end this blog without this favourite phrase of mine "knowledge is knowing or understanding that tomato is botanically a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomatoes in a fruit salad".

It would mean so much to me, if we could convert this monologue to a dialogue, please let me have your thoughts in the comments section. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Influence

#MyWordForToday is #Influence

In my head, I always imagined the word "influence" to be a synonym of catalyst.  A catalyst for change in one's immediate environment, organisation, society and culture.

I wrote a post titled "are you a fire-lighter or a fire-fighter". In that post, I said "all of us carry fire in us".  Fire, in this context, refers to our core, passion, that stuff that makes us who we are. 

I do believe that we all have catalyst(s) that help our fires burn. These people or things are our influences. 

Let me use the analogy of how we make popsicle or even ice block using those plastic moulds. Influence is typically a combo of parental, cultural, religious or peer pressure. 

These influences help to mould or shape our developments, characters and behaviours into whom we eventually turn out to be.

I was watching a documentary on how eating certain foods can help a mother influence the development of the foetus she is carrying. Those superfoods can help determine the longevity of the life of an unborn child. Influence is powerful.

As with many words, Influence can be positive (fire lighter), or negative (firefighter). I daresay that both the lighter and fighter are essential to our personal growth. We need a combination of adversity and good fortune in our quest for growth. 

The caterpillar must struggle to become a butterfly. If it receives external help in that stage of becoming, it may never transform into a butterfly. Ergo, the struggle (read adversity) is important. 

I was listening to Susan David's Ted women done in 2017 where she spoke about the "tyranny of positivity". 

She said that her culture values "relentless positivity". People are told to remain strong even at the edge of an emotional breakdown. 

The downside is that people suppress these negative emotions and are unable develop emotional agility.

What this means is that our experiences, whether good or bad, are not just important, they also influence us. 

Our personal development and mental strength depends on how we are to process these. 

Fun fact:  its no use trying to avoid adversity. It won't ask for permission before invading our lives. 

While our parental, societal, cultural and experiential values shape our lives, as we become adults, it behoves us to unlearn every negative programming that may have unduly influenced us. 

We should also learn to recognize what is influence from manipulation. 

Impactful leadership is one that creates valuable influence. It certainly has nothing to do with the position one holds. 

These days, we have social media " influencers" who exert considerable social influence on their followers. Some of them are quite manipulative. These are able to influence impressionable minds. 

I will never forget a particular "influential" Nigerian actress who was the brand ambassador for a skin care product company. 

Her host while interviewing her at a social event asked what made her skin glow. She inadvertently mentioned a brand other than the one she was an ambassador for. 

She was, of course, de-ambassador'ed. 

In my view,  a person of real influence is one who is a firelighter. A leader who moulds others, and inspires them to bring forth the best in them. He/she does this with empathy and integrity. 

In our sphere of influence, we impact others by our words, actions and the way we conduct ourselves. 

In fact many times, we influence people without being aware of doing so. I know l has been mentored by people who are unaware of my existence. 

In my write-up on leadership, I said that the cool thing about leadership is that it's not "one size does not fit all" and "leadership is not plug and play". It is deliberate, intentional and positively Impactful. 

The above also applies to influence. 

So, what are you doing to influence your society,  the culture of your organisation and even your own brand? 

Who and what are you allowing into your circle of influence? Remember the saying that "birds of the same feather flock together". 

The value you bring determine your influence. Positive influence is not shallow,  it brings with it depth and integrity.

Before I end this piece, let me remind you that if your position carries more weight than your influence, you are wallowing in sycophancy and therefore courting mediocrity. 

Be an influencer, not an influenza

Namaste🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Wonder

"For most of us, knowledge of our world comes largely through sight, yet we look about with such unseeing eyes that we are partially blind. One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?

Rachel Carson, "The Sense of Wonder"

#MyWordForToday is #Wonder

Wonder also known as "marvel" is intrinsically linked to curiosity. Curiosity helps us to explore stuff which may lead us to see that thing, in a totally different light. 

Wonder may also be known as perspective, leading us to marvel, even at the seemingly mundane things. 

I am inclined to agree with Jesse Prinz who said that "wonder may be humanity's most important emotion"... It is that one emotion that has inspired our greatest achievements in science, arts and religion".

Wonder is what stops us in our tracks,  as we pause to marvel at an intricate design, a natural phenomenon, or even the way bees make honey. 

Wonder is what keeps me glued to Discovery Channel's "How Do They Do It", learning how salted almonds are made.

Wonder is what makes me grow beans in a plastic bowl, with cotton wool as soil and watch it blossom, in three days, before transplanting it.

I daresay Gynecologists, no matter how many births they attend to, still marvel at how a woman pushes a baby, through that 10cm narrow cavity. 

Wonder is a wonderful emotion, that if allowed to flourish, can cause us to be exceedingly thankful. I kid you not.

Being thankful does not cause our challenges to fly away, but it might cause us to see it in a different light, a different perspective…..the simple wonders of life.

In Ekiti State, SW Nigeria, there is the mysterious "Ikogosi Warm Springs", which has a warm spring flowing, side by side, by it, another spring, a cold one.

I mean 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️ isn't that wonderful?

One of the myths surrounding it is that the warm and cold springs were the two wives of a great hunter. One wife was said to be temperamental, while the other was quiet. 

One day, the two wives had a fight and after being rebuked by their husband, the temperamental wife mystically changed to the warm spring, while the quiet one turned to the cold spring. (I'm still wondering why the cold one chose to turn though) 😅

There are many things that cause us to go slack-eyed when we behold them. Particularly in nature, the waterfalls, the mountains, the way the flowers grow wild, free and colourful.

It is this slack eyedness in us that makes me disagree that we lose our sense of wonder as adults. 

What I believe happens to us, is that we stop finding pleasure, in simple things.  One day, our nine-year-old said I cannot wait to be as grown as you, so I can do XYZ. 

I looked at her with such sadness, that she was startled and sought to know why my face was that sad.

I told her to enjoy being a child as much as she could. Adulting is not as attractive as she thinks it is. In fact, adulting is a scam. I cannot indulge, with reckless abandon in the kinds of play as she could. I have to be responsible, pay bills etc. 🙄

All of these can rob one of enjoying life's simple pleasures (awwww, I miss my irresponsible days). 😓😂

Well,  something shifted in me that day. I realised I was allowing adulthood to rob me of some of life's beautiful moments. 

I then resolved to revel more in those simple joys,  reconnect with nature to soothe me in my times of distress, watch more PBS Station cartoons, laugh and dance like there are no bills to be paid. 

So now,  I sit with our four-year-old and gist about nothing. We will chuckle and LOL as we have "moving conversations" about absolutely nothing.

Dr Seuss did say that our brains in order to be more brainy needs "nonsense". 

It is scientifically proven that engaging in nonsense, can recalibrate our brains to be more productive. All hail Seuss who chose humour over dogmatism. 🙌🏽

Wonder, many times requires living like a child i.e. being fully present in a moment. Taking time to assimilate and appreciate the people and things around us. Like I said before, wonder is a perspective. 

There is a wonder to be seen or felt in almost anything. 

I do believe that Rachel Carson although being a marine biologist, was somewhat inspired by the Bible.  

One of her quotes is closely related to Psalms 107 from Verse 23 where it said: "Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters, they see the works of the Lord and His wonders in the deep".  How so very profound. 

As a young girl, I learnt this moving hymn

" Oh Lord, my God! when I in awesome wonder, consider the works, thy hands hath made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed.  Then sings my soul my saviour God to Thee......"

I believe that your journey on wonder can start from here.

Cheers to being a 4-year-old with big eyes rounded in wonder again.

This blog is dedicated to my friend Kayode Adejumo-Bello (May the wonders of this world never go unseen by you). 

 Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌