#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

So much has been written on leadership and leadership skills. I very much doubt that there's anything I want to write about today that you haven't heard before.

But have you read leadership from my own point of view? No?  let's talk about my view of leadership.

In these dark and uncertain times, we need to understand that the styles of leadership must evolve. We must look for better ways of connecting with each other in order to create a greater community.

The cool thing about leadership is that the style is not the same for everyone.  And, your title does not make you a leader; your influence and impact on others is what does the job.

So, whether you are referred to as a leader or not, please be aware that someone somewhere is paying attention to the choices you make.  Not only are they paying attention, but some are also been led by those choices.

Like I always say,  a lot of destinies are tied to yours. Some of these destinies are unknown to you but the choices you make or making are so far-reaching that they are touching lives around the globe.

It is so profound that the life you may touch may yet be unborn. I have never met Maya Angelou, and she definitely wasn't aware of my existence, but I have learnt so much from her leadership style.

I am careful to create my style of leadership from compassion, empathy, humanity and humility.

I've also taught myself to self-lead, therefore, I will never be able to direct any of my team members to do stuff that I am unwilling or unable to do.

I have been scorned many times for my leadership style, but I have also been appreciated. I learnt not to take this scorn personally, of course, it stings to be scorned. I, however, chose to see it as a lesson and therefore took it as feedback instead of criticism.

As a leader, you would be one who is emotionally in touch with yourself. When you become emotionally intelligent, you are on your way to being called a leader.

I am not even halfway there but I am learning, adapting, and making allowances. I have always said and reiterated that there's no such thing as "bad" leadership you are either a leader or not. Periodt 😎

All those adjectives such as weak, ineffective etc are anomalous and cannot sit side-by-side with leadership. Like I earlier said, your title is not a determinant.

Being a leader does not suggest that you have it all figured out, it certainly does not mean that you know it all.

It does, however, mean that you are possessed of such self-confidence that allows you to bring others to your point of view,  but you're also humble enough to learn that which is outside of your expertise.

All too often, we see "leaders" that are not only closed up to other people's perspectives but are also prisoners of theirs. Inflexible, unyielding, belligerent to other viewpoints, unwilling to see their team members as possessing any kind of intelligence.

I worked with someone who would always tell us at meetings that "you don't think".

Belittling your team or thinking that you are higher in intelligence is an unintelligent way of leading anyone, even the children from your womb.  It is the worst kind of way to lead.

As a leader, although you project self-confidence, secure in your own strength, you want to also actively discourage groupthink or go-alongnism. You want to encourage healthy debates.

And this is why I say as a leader, you must never surround yourself with sycophants.  You must like Sara Canaday said, "purposely disrupt your own thinking, and challenge your own ideas" by surrounding yourself with people who are willing to point out your weak or blind spots to you.

I did do a post about blind spots, please find time to read. I am of the view that it is very important that as leaders, we are aware of our blind spots and we work towards eliminating those.

You cannot do this by yourself. A candle although brightens the room is unable to give itself light.

Leadership this way does not infer that you would not be assertive. What it means is that you are secure in your own strength and working on your weaknesses.

Leadership starts with YOU and ME, of course.

Would you be willing to tell me what your idea of leadership is?

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Fragility

"Paradoxically, we achieve true wholeness only by embracing our fragility and sometimes, our brokenness." - Jalaja Bonheim

#MyWordForToday is # Fragility
I will be talking about fragility as the strength of a woman.

We, women through the ages have been considered first as a lesser human being, and later upgraded to be fully human; but only if we can be exactly like one who has always been a full human being: the male gender.😔

This is why phrases like "act like a woman think Like a Man" became a catchphrase. Because apparently, thinking like a woman is thinking like a lesser human being.

I don't know how to feel about this, for people have often said "to catch a mouse, you must think like one", ergo to be accepted in a man's world, you must think like one.  I daresay this faulty thinking is causing a lot of havoc in our world today.

Women do share a lot of things in common with men. We are human beings in every single way (it sucks that we must constantly reiterate this),  wanting to be loved, to be appreciated, to be acknowledged, and celebrated. But even in all our sameness, our natures and physiologies are still different, the way we analyse stuff is different, our leadership style is different, even our brain structure is different.

Yet women are constantly referred to as fragile. The dictionary meaning of fragile is "easily broken, shattered or damaged; delicate".

Another meaning is "lacking in substance or force; flimsy".  Imagine being referred to as "lacking in substance", simply because biology says you are the female gender but not because of your psychological makeup.

Women have had to endure quite a lot over the years, we are drawn into wars that have nothing to do with us, and we are made to bear the brunt of each of those wars. Women are brutally raped and sexually assaulted, it has become commonplace to use women as bait to secure favours.

The women referred to as been "fragile" are made to compete in a competitive male world,  and everything we have today we have had to fight for: the fight to be recognised as human beings,  to own properties,  the right to vote, the right to refuse to have children (this is a barely begun fight),  the right to work without being discriminated against, the right to carry our vaginas in peace e.t.c.

Many of us have found ourselves exhausted and anxious at all the battles to be accepted as a human being. The idea that a fragile species is being made to fight for the basic human right which is granted (without asking, to a man) is really absurd to me.

I do not agree that the idea of fragility applies at all to women,  perhaps what the framers of "weaker vessel" meant was that women are far more emotional than men, or perhaps fragility stands for strength.

If it is the former, being emotional does not rob one of the ability to be sensible, every human being is made up of emotions, in fact understanding your feelings/emotions is akin to possessing a very high level of intelligence.

If fragility refers to strength, "it does not come from physical capacity but from indomitable will"- Mahatma Gandhi.

Quiet forbearance has always been the forte of many women. We have not only had to pick up ourselves with courage, by drawing from our inner strength,  we have also had to give that courage to our wards, children and others around us, it is our vulnerability that gives us strength; this is who we are. Beautiful, Wholesome and Strong.

We have found ourselves terribly exposed by the fight to be seen and heard as equal humans, but it is in these moments that we have truly found our strength.

Vulnerability requires strength, as does fragility.

I'd leave you to ponder on these thoughts of mine with this quote, slightly edited by me :

"Woman, your fragility is also your strength" - Pina Bausch.

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Resourcefulness

“The mind of a child is where the revolution begins, so if the solution has never been to look at yourself how is it that you expect to find it anywhere else?”-⁦ @ImmortalTech⁩

#MyWordForToday is #Resourcefulness

A word that can mean clever and tenacious, it is a skill that I look out for were I to be interviewing prospective employees.

For resourceful people, giving up is not an attractive option. Our 9-year-old daughter continues to teach us lessons on being resourceful and tenacious.

She simply does not recognise the word "NO". When she asks for anything, she does not hear no, I think she hears "come back later" or "not yet", she's a persistent little bugger 💞💞💞. 

I had written a medium post about her here: https://link.medium.com/6BEAKY6S56. She took a shine to ballet dancing, I tried to dissuade her because I was convinced she had two left feet and was wont to dance faster than musical beats, but she persisted in her belief and has now put me in particular, to "shame" she now leads during her school presentations, and even does solo presentations (this is just one instance of her being persistent when she really wants something).

The life lessons I have picked, and still picking from my little Ejura is that if you really need to do something, you must find a way in spite of obstacles barring you. You must find resourceful ways of achieving your goals, she forces us to sit and watch her practice, she even tries to make us dance ballet 🤭.

It has now become a thing for me, when I find myself in difficult situations, to ask myself what would Ejura do? 😁

I have read very many things about the universe, how it opens up for you when you really want something, I do not know how true this is, I do however know that in achieving a goal, one must be persistent, consistent, determine and tenacious.

Rome indeed was not built in a day, but the bricks to build it was laid every single day. It is trite that as a leader, you must cultivate the ability of being resourceful.

Finding enterprising ways of tackling issues that arise, as life is such that there will always be challenges, the ability to find ingenious ways of solving those challenges will forever be an admirable skill.

Some people refer to being resourceful as the skill of "thinking outside the box". I call it thinking "enterprisingly" or being a jury-riger.

Perhaps being resourceful is a follow-come skill (follow come is hilarious Nigerianese for "factory-fitted"), but I also know that it is a learnable skill, after all, everyone in my family is learning from our 9year old.

One of the hallmarks of being resourceful is being open-minded and flexible in decision making. Always willing to hear others before taking a decision. After all the mark of an educated mind is to examine all possibilities and discard the ones that are not useful for you.

A resourceful person is also great at building useful friendships and contacts, this was aptly named by Ms Carla Harris as having "relationship currency". She said, "If you have a good relationship with someone, they will often be willing to introduce you to others and even to use their reputation to vouch for you or to give you an endorsement".

This is simply using the relationships that you have built over time as a currency to be spent when the need arises, that is being resourceful.

The COVID-19 pandemic has made some of us resourceful, one of the positives to this nightmare. We have had to dig in into ourselves.

The phrase "it is not what you do not have that holds you back, it is what you do have but you're not using that holds you back" rings very very true now.

COVID is making some of us utilise some of the tools in our creative arsenal, it has caused us to take a pause and look inward, to identify what we already have but paid no mind to. And this is quite fantastic.

I follow Shil Shanghavi on LinkedIn, he wrote a post on how one of his shoe boxes, not the shoes themselves, have served to be one of the most valuable pieces of equipment he possesses because he now uses it as a magnificent prop for his MacBook. He said it has now become "an effortless asset for his online presentations".

Bedros Keuilian, author of the best-selling book "man-up", speaking on being resourceful said "If you cannot do it with no money, no connection, and no experience, then you can't do it even WITH all of these things. Being resourceful he says, is the "Ultimate Resource", your biography does not determine your destiny, your decisions do.

A resourceful person is one who chooses their battles carefully. My people are wont to say it is not every dog that barks at you on your way to the marketplace that you must stop to throw stones at, for when will you get to the marketplace?

A resourceful person is aware that his/her energy is limited and should, therefore, be spent on activities that bring a return, and not on just every type of activity.

Perhaps the most important trait of a resourceful person is their resilience and optimism.... going from one failure to the other without giving up their cause. A trait that can also be annoying because they are just like a dog with a bone. 😄

A resourceful person is an emotionally intelligent person that would acquire additional skills, knowledge and self-confidence. Being teachable and open to learning is a vital characteristic of an ideal resourceful person.

I had spoken about flexibility above, let me also mention that a resourceful person is able to shift their perspective on issues. My daughter when presented with a No, pivots to something else and "okay, how about......."? ☺

I have constantly reiterated that if you cannot change a circumstance, you must change how you view that Circumstance. Changing or pivoting from a perspective is very key 🔑 in being resourceful.

A resourceful person will realise that no man is an island and that seeking the opinions of others or bouncing off ideas around others is not a weakness, but a resource. Take time off to see stuff from multiple perspectives whilst not forgetting to keep an open mind, this is my view of being a resourceful person.....

Namaste!

p. s : Ejura is also a budding creative, destroying several papers in her artistic bid. The attached fiery picture is her depiction of " the ickabog" by J. K. Rowling.

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu

07062020

#Mywordfortoday is #Humour

#Mywordfortoday is #Humour

This is definitely a topic I am qualified to write about because I have always believed in the power of being lighthearted, and I like to believe humour was factory fitted into me at creation.😅

I love to laugh at life, at myself, at stuck up situations and their human versions. Humour, however, is much more than just the ability to laugh or make others laugh.

Humour, in my opinion, is being emotionally intelligent. And according to Karyn Buxman a Neurohumorist, "humour is power".

Knowing how to make light of any situation, however dire, is priceless. I read via Ms Buxman about the Cuban Missile crisis, a nuclear war that was averted due to the humorous remark made by one of the Russian generals.

Dr Seuss has said that nonsense is absolutely necessary for the growth of our brain, also, science has shown that humour helps us to retain information for much longer, it aids us in in learning, understanding and comprehension.

I don't know if black people developed humour as a coping technique because it seems like blacks have this really heightened sense of humour. Perhaps it evolved as a way of coping with the problems that we had, we were held as slaves and segregated, we face racism every day our speech is disparaged so perhaps humour is our way of coping with our everyday activities.

Children learn through play, and that ought to tell you how important humour is in our lives. When I train people in leadership and personal growth, I infuse play and humour into our sessions.

The whole class is laughing and learning; and will probably remember the things we played about. This is a much better scenario than when everybody is staring at your PowerPoint presentation, whilst pretending not to doze off, even after downing cups and cups of coffee.

I bought a book for our eldest son "a Wayne in a manger" by Gervase Phinn.  It's a hilarious collection of stories about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Little children from age 5 played the part of Joseph, Mary, the Angel, the innkeeper, and the wise men. Mary, age 6 was visited by the Angel and told that she would be having a boy child, she argued with Angel Gabriel, on "what if it's a girl".

Gabriel insisted it was a boy because God "knows about these things". After that was settled, the Angel said the baby had to be named Jesus, she wanted to call him Gavin because Mary doesn't like the name, Jesus 🤣🤣🤣. The Angel sulkily informed her that "if you are not naming him Jesus, you are not getting him"

When Joseph got home, Mary told him "I am having a baby - oh, and it is not yours".😭😭😭

Whenever I feel low, this book lifts my spirits because, in no time, I'm laughing so hard at the innocence of these younglings.

I have written a lot about how Proverbs were used to shape our lives in Nigeria. Some of these proverbs, while teaching wisdom was delivered in the most humorous of ways and the humorous ones, are the ones we typically remember:

"calculation is the husband of making love or having sex"- "Isi ro l'oko dido".

What do you think this means? My interpretation is in everything that we do in life we need to calculate and plan the good, the bad, and the intermediate this includes having sex apparently, 'uncalculated' sex has consequences.

I have found that humour is a very powerful motivator if properly deployed, some people may not agree because they think being funny makes work somewhat less serious or even inefficient, whereas where work is made fun, it increases productivity and fires up the brain from all that clogged up stressed induced feeling.

Although Humour is a necessity, some of us are humourless. Is there a way to learn, a way to find your personal humour style? are there resources available to help?

Humour helps us, not just to survive, but also to thrive, so in learning to be humorous, I am going to borrow from Loretta Laroche who said in order to learn become more humorous, you have to become a witness to your own behaviour and think about what you're thinking about and why? Interrogate your feelings.

She said if you think the worst and get the worst you suffer twice, but if you think the best and get the worst you only suffer once.

Borrowing further from Karen Buxman, knowledge is no longer power, it is the application of knowledge that is power, and this is true, even for humour. She said that in order for you to see the power in humour, you need to intentionally raise your awareness.

Look around you, see funny rather than be funny intentionally look for humour in places, in situations, in people. 

Humour has the power to increase our resilience, reduce our tension, and relax our muscles. Humour helps us to get the brain going, when we laugh, a chemical called serotonin is released leading to us feeling much better. If you are looking to be a more humorous person, you've got to become the fun that you are seeking.

According to Professor Albert Ellis, a number of people spend their lives "catastrophizing and awfulizing", failing to realise that the energy you give is the energy you get.

We would always say "stay away from negativity and negative energy", right? But what if you are the one with the negative energy?

Some of us have allowed the cares of life to rob us of humour, but worry has never added even a cubit to anyone's stature. All it does is make you anxious and miserable.

Professor Ellis wants me to tell you to "stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable". 🙏

My first assignment on entering a place is to lighten it up. The energy in my office changes when I enter into the office (at least three-quarters of the time), I enter with exuberance and attitude of "I cannot kill myself o".

Even the Bible in Proverbs 17 verse 22 NLT tells us that "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength".

Humour is powerful, but if we do not apply that power, then all is lost.......As Viktor Frankel said: "Humour is another of the Souls weapon in the fight for self Preservation".

Bibireosefowora 

26052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Integrity

#Mywordfortoday is #integrity - challenging your beliefs.

Integrity is such a huge topic so, with your kind permission, I will take a small chunk out of it and attempt to write about that in a way that would resonate with many people reading this.

I was listening to a professor who said

" integrity is aligning your actions with your belief, conversely, not aligning your actions with your belief is hypocrisy".

The problem I have with this definition is; what if your belief is fundamentally wrong or your beliefs have changed?.

Many of us experience Imposter syndrome, in fact, it happens a good number of people.  Imposter syndrome is simply believing you are unworthy of the accolades you receive in the course of doing something. You just do not believe you are good enough. I personally suffered from it a lot until I had the conversation with myself "why do you think you're not good enough or why do you think Mr Lagbaja doing it is better at it than you are"?

Going back to that definition above, I have succeeded in ridding myself of the belief that I am not good enough, and by so doing, my beliefs have changed, they were also fundamentally wrong....could we then accuse me of hypocrisy? I think not.

So here is my perspective of what Integrity means. I will be talking about it as not just being a moral code which it is but in the light of what integrity does to the society.

How do you feel when a person makes a promise to you and fails to redeem that promise or goes back on his word? For many of us, it would make us feel really sad, bad or livid with anger, especially if that promise causes you to lose something valuable to you.

Society, businesses, familial relationships are all built on integrity. So for me, integrity is doing what you say you will do.  Yes, this definition is by far too simplified so let me give you relatable examples.

If a building loses its integrity, it loses its core and might collapse, if it does collapse, people may die. If a government loses integrity nothing that government says or do will garner any trust because people simply do not trust in the integrity of that government. If a person loses his integrity everything he or she says will not be believed.

Integrity is so much more than being honest because you can believe a thing to be true, you act on that truth and then it turns out that it was a lie.

Integrity is doing what you say you will do, without being prompted and even when it has become inconvenient. If you have to be prompted, cajoled, begged or harangued into fulfilling a promise, can we really say you acted with integrity?

You have also not acted in integrity if law enforcement forces you to do that which you should ordinarily do, such as pay your staff for the work that they have done, or paying your tax as part of your Civic responsibilities.

Integrity is not just a promise made to another person, it is also one to do yourself because if you would not keep a promise to yourself, how then could you keep to another?

Integrity is not a matter of your profession or occupation so you cannot claim to be a person of integrity simply because you are a person in authority or you are a pastor/Iman.

You make a promise and deliver on it without being prompted to do so. If for any reason you are unable to, you communicate your inability....this is my perspective of integrity.

In the business world, your ethics and reputation precede you. My people would say " word of mouth can travel to every part of the world.  Where your feet cannot go, words can be sent"...

Some people cannot get recommendations because they lack good track records and are deemed to be untrustworthy. 

Many of our artisans in Nigeria lack this valuable trait. From Tailors to mechanics to plumbers.  They would get paid for a job but would not deliver within the promised time, some not even at all. Some would deliver after so much pressure from you, and this can be very exhausting.

Integrity can also be used in amoral kind of settings. If a hired assassin must keep his supply of clients, his integrity to do as he says must be intact. He must deliver on the jobs given to him to do, There is after "all honour among Thieves".

Integrity helps society thrive from the angle of reciprocity. It is what birthed idioms such as "to whom much is given much is expected".

A person with integrity will respect other people's time, will be gracious, responsible, trustworthy and honest.

These things are not really easy to imbibe, but we must continue to try, our lives, business and society depend on it.

Bibire Ose Fowora

11052020