#MyWordForToday is #Wealth

#MyWordForToday is #Wealth. 

In writing on wealth I would like to talk about the "Tragedy of Commons". This is because wealth, like abundance, is often associated with having "material possessions, riches, a state of affluence".

However, as we all know, wealth is not confined to a profusion of material possessions. The Old English meaning of wealth simply meant  "the condition of well-being". 

The Yorubas of  Southwest Nigeria have this down pat because to us, wealth (oro) is often differentiated from simply being rich (owo). 

My tribe believes that being wealthy is far superior to just being rich. Our interpretation encompasses well-being, having well-rounded children, kindness, charisma, class, pizzaz (this is an important one 😄) and education - such a person will be referred to as being wealthy. 

This presupposes that you have both inner and outer wealth. The former, being a state of a wealthy mindset, one of well-being where your mind is settled enough to allow you to make plans for your now and future. 

No one can deny the importance of having riches. From it comes comfort, access to influence, influential people, luxury items, or simply being able to help others by virtue of your money.

The problem with outer wealth is many times we don't know when to stop. We keep amassing wealth,  many times we are unscrupulous about how we make it. 

This is not a post to denigrate anyone but bring into focus that while material wealth is important, undue fixation on it causes problems for the entire world. And this is the link to my reference about the " Tragedy of Commons. 

The tragedy of Commons typically arises from the inherent conflict between an individual's self-interest versus the interest of the community over a shared resource.

In the Tragedy of Commons, individuals tend to choose to be selfish with the commonwealth of a people. 

A Governor for instance (an individual) converts the commonwealth of a people to his personal use, creating a ripple of immense effect, in fact creating a catastrophe.

This is, of course, a simplistic view but nonetheless explains the grab-grab mentality we seem to have. 

And the grabby person doesn't even have to be a powerful person to set off this tragedy. 

It just takes one individual that thinks to take more than enough from a shared resource.  And when he does, it is to the detriment of the other members of the society.

The tragedy often becomes pronounced because all the other members watching him will also begin to take care of their own interest. A vicious cycle is created.

COVID-19 in spite of the many tragic moments has brought to the fore many lessons we ought to pick from.

No matter how much wealth we own, when we die, we will be buried in the ground with either a Muslin cloth or in a piece of wood.  

No matter how expensive these are, they will ultimately be eaten up by the soil.

 We have to rethink the way we process wealth. Prioritising inner wealth over the outer one, being wealthy in compassion, empathy, kindness and integrity will forever trump having loads of material wealth that help no one. 

The Yorubas are wont to say "under a shitload of money is a league of rotting maggots". This means the route to excessive riches is littered with bodies, rotten ones. 

Money is important and necessary. A lack of it is stressful, but undue focus on it is very harmful not just to one person but the society at large.

I'm going to leave you with this thought: 

"The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel, it's poverty by how little" William R. Alge

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Abundance

#MyWordForToday is #Abundance

"Permit yourself to dream BIG and fantasize. It’s free and healthy for your mind and future." @Sola Adesakin

People often associate abundance with wealth or having pockets of money, they are not wrong but abundance manifests in so many more ways.

In our mindsets, in our thoughts, in the way, we relate to ourselves and others, in the way we give love and kindness. 

I planted a stem of bitter leaf in our compound and that one stem is blossoming into a massive tree that is currently serving our entire house.

Relating this to our mindsets, the more positivity we pour into our bodies, souls and spirits, the more fruits of positive stuff we will get back.

If you have ever lived in Northern Nigeria or you've ever been close to the people from the North, one of the first things you would notice about them is their abundance mentality.

They focus on the fact that there are limitless opportunities in business and or careers. They, therefore, aren't generally speaking, threatened by competition. 

In fact, an Hausa man will bring his relatives from the village to set up, right beside him, the very same business he is doing. They do so knowing fully well or thinking that the old Yoruba adage is true "the water I will drink would never flow past me". 

What is abundance?  The dictionary meaning says "plentiful, more than enough, Limitless". But why is it important to have an abundance mindset?

I would answer this by using the "Pareto principle". This is a principle in Economics that suggests that 80% of what happens to us is made or comes from 20% of what we do or we put in. This principle is also referred to as the "vital few and the trivial many".

It is basically saying that the 20% you put into something births 80% results. In computing circles, it is usually referred to as GIGA (garbage in, garbage out) but in life, it is garbage in but piles and piles of garbage out. 

An abundance mindset is also important because if you lack this mindset, it means that you suffer from a scarcity mindset. Nature, as we all know, abhors a vacuum.

One of the ways scarcity mindset manifests is that it makes you blow off other people's candles in a bid that yours might shine brighter. Other people's successes will never limit yours unless you allow it.

Our minds are so powerful that whatever we consciously, unconsciously or subconsciously fill it with tends to become our reality. 

So we want to be wealthy, we want to be prosperous but every day, we allow our doubts, our fears, our self-limiting beliefs, and our pasts to deter us. 

We must endeavour to sit ourselves down, examine these fears and rationalize them. And then decide that in spite of all these fears, doubts and beliefs, we will go on and we will succeed.

We must be determined to sell our lemonades and use the money to buy stocks, bonds and real estate (Okay, those were tongue in cheek).

Basically, we have to decide whether we want to keep the mindset that has not helped us in developing or we want to exchange it for a better one, one that would make us be in abundance.

Let me leave you with these thoughts on visualization. A lot of us think it is bullshit but the truth is, if you do not first acknowledge something in your subconscious mind i.e. to picture where you would like to be, you would never be able to set goals to get there. 

"You cannot feature in a future you haven't visualized"

Bibireosefowora💌

#MyWordForToday is #Balance

#MyWordForToday is #Balance

To everything in life, there must be a balance. If our lives do not come with their own problems, I daresay life would be very dull, if there are too many problems, life would be very difficult.

I am an advocate of balancing as much as possible. Yesterday was Father's Day, and it came with all the usual dramas.

One consistent thing though is that a lot of us have no middle ground when it comes to issues, particularly if we are passionate about them or if it touches us personally.

While It is true that some fathers are fathers in every sense of the word, some are purely sperm donors who have nothing to do with the upbringing of a child. Some of them i.e. in the latter group come to realize and try to make amendments, some never do. We celebrate the fathers who know what it is to be a father, we admonish the rest, for them, it should be a day of reflection.

What we certainly shouldn't do is refuse to see that all fathers aren't the same, some fathers were even made absentees by the Mothers using the child as emotional blackmail.  Balancing the narratives is very key.

Balance is also very crucial in our work-life relationships. If you work in an office, you spend at least 9 hours at work, with your colleagues.

This means that you spend more than a quarter of the day with your colleagues. Doesn't that at least make them some sort of a family?

Shouldn't you endeavour to make the environment as friendly and accommodating as you can?

You, yes you, because the only corner of the universe that you can successfully change is your corner.

Some of us are very hostile at work, we treat everyone like competition and then turn around to say "nobody likes me in my office,"..... Listen, the energy you give is the energy you get. 

Balance your work relationship, over-familiarity breeds contempt, under familiarity (for want of a better word) breeds hostility. Fix that, so that your office doesn't seem like a battleground.

Oh yes, let's talk about personality. Do you know your personality, have you examined your strengths so you can use them successfully? Have you looked at your weaknesses so you can improve those? This is called personal development, if you haven't done these, you may be doing yourself a disservice.

Understanding yourself, your fears, your biases, your strengths, your talents will equip you to deal with those of others. Remember your choices and decisions are impacting on not just you, but also on others.

Funke Adekoya SAN once said "not everything worth doing for a woman is worth doing well", I had written about this before and it caused an uproar amongst career women.

But she's only talking about balancing your career and motherhood. Traditionally women were the homemakers, not breadwinners or breadbringers so we are mostly saddled with the responsibility of taking care of the home and the children.

A lot has changed from those trad. days, but a lot remains the same. A lot of women will give up their careers to cater to the home, but a lot of men also stay at jobs they hate in order to cater to their homes. Balance!!!!

Some women will rather not be parents to my mind this is also balance. Having and nurturing children are not very easy tasks so one should not bring children into the world if you feel you cannot take up that responsibility.

In life, we will need adjustments, we will need to reflect, revisit, tweak some of our stances and decisions. We will need to find an imaginary scale to determine if we are on track or off kilter.

Although we should be kind and humane to everyone, we should balance that by not condoning disrespect and glorifying nonsense 

Balance is key 🗝

Namaste!

Bibireosefowora 💕💌

(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money)

#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

So much has been written on leadership and leadership skills. I very much doubt that there's anything I want to write about today that you haven't heard before.

But have you read leadership from my own point of view? No?  let's talk about my view of leadership.

In these dark and uncertain times, we need to understand that the styles of leadership must evolve. We must look for better ways of connecting with each other in order to create a greater community.

The cool thing about leadership is that the style is not the same for everyone.  And, your title does not make you a leader; your influence and impact on others is what does the job.

So, whether you are referred to as a leader or not, please be aware that someone somewhere is paying attention to the choices you make.  Not only are they paying attention, but some are also been led by those choices.

Like I always say,  a lot of destinies are tied to yours. Some of these destinies are unknown to you but the choices you make or making are so far-reaching that they are touching lives around the globe.

It is so profound that the life you may touch may yet be unborn. I have never met Maya Angelou, and she definitely wasn't aware of my existence, but I have learnt so much from her leadership style.

I am careful to create my style of leadership from compassion, empathy, humanity and humility.

I've also taught myself to self-lead, therefore, I will never be able to direct any of my team members to do stuff that I am unwilling or unable to do.

I have been scorned many times for my leadership style, but I have also been appreciated. I learnt not to take this scorn personally, of course, it stings to be scorned. I, however, chose to see it as a lesson and therefore took it as feedback instead of criticism.

As a leader, you would be one who is emotionally in touch with yourself. When you become emotionally intelligent, you are on your way to being called a leader.

I am not even halfway there but I am learning, adapting, and making allowances. I have always said and reiterated that there's no such thing as "bad" leadership you are either a leader or not. Periodt 😎

All those adjectives such as weak, ineffective etc are anomalous and cannot sit side-by-side with leadership. Like I earlier said, your title is not a determinant.

Being a leader does not suggest that you have it all figured out, it certainly does not mean that you know it all.

It does, however, mean that you are possessed of such self-confidence that allows you to bring others to your point of view,  but you're also humble enough to learn that which is outside of your expertise.

All too often, we see "leaders" that are not only closed up to other people's perspectives but are also prisoners of theirs. Inflexible, unyielding, belligerent to other viewpoints, unwilling to see their team members as possessing any kind of intelligence.

I worked with someone who would always tell us at meetings that "you don't think".

Belittling your team or thinking that you are higher in intelligence is an unintelligent way of leading anyone, even the children from your womb.  It is the worst kind of way to lead.

As a leader, although you project self-confidence, secure in your own strength, you want to also actively discourage groupthink or go-alongnism. You want to encourage healthy debates.

And this is why I say as a leader, you must never surround yourself with sycophants.  You must like Sara Canaday said, "purposely disrupt your own thinking, and challenge your own ideas" by surrounding yourself with people who are willing to point out your weak or blind spots to you.

I did do a post about blind spots, please find time to read. I am of the view that it is very important that as leaders, we are aware of our blind spots and we work towards eliminating those.

You cannot do this by yourself. A candle although brightens the room is unable to give itself light.

Leadership this way does not infer that you would not be assertive. What it means is that you are secure in your own strength and working on your weaknesses.

Leadership starts with YOU and ME, of course.

Would you be willing to tell me what your idea of leadership is?

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Tolerance

#MyWordForToday is #Tolerance. 

Do I really want to write about tolerance? No,  not really and this is why.

Tolerance is a nice-sounding word with a beautiful dictionary meaning. Whereas, it is, in fact, a little derogatory.

It is very derogatory because it does not teach value and respect. When you tolerate something, especially a person, opinion, culture or orientation, you do that perhaps out of societal expectations, upbringing, or maybe just pure human decency.

One of the synonyms for tolerance is resignation. Resigning to accepting a person because it is socially acceptable to do so.

None of us wants to be in situations where we (our opinions, feelings etc) are not valued, loved or acknowledged as human beings but merely tolerated.

We all have our prejudices, in fact, many of us suffer from confirmation bias (we actively look for experiences and evidence that back up those prejudices).

Perhaps the best example for what I am saying is Racism and its siblings (tribalism, ethnicism religious-ism; beg your pardon to coin this word).

Each race believes itself to be superior to the other, same for ethnic and religious groups. We are then taught to tolerate the other races/religion/ ethnic groups in order for peace to reign in our communities.

I really have no answers or solutions to proffer to these ills that are plaguing us.   I do not know how we came by this feeling of superiority towards others.

Perhaps if we went back in time, we could pinpoint how ethnicism and other cisms began.  Perhaps this will help us to figure out how to cure this malaise that is causing so much strife in the world today.

As a black Nigerian woman, I've had to face all of the isms at one point or other in my life so I am all too aware of the pain, first, of not being accepted, and then merely tolerated in a very badly disguised facade. There is no true respect in being tolerated.  

I, however, believe (even though I do not like it) that perhaps tolerance is the first step to take towards embracing others.

Perhaps, there is no way to fully accept/ embrace a person if you have not had a chance of meeting with them mentally and understanding that there's no real difference between us human beings.

Each human has red Blood running in our veins and our skeletons are always white.

I feel more than a little sad writing this blog because I do not think this post will make any difference to people who are committed to their prejudices.

It is tragic that these prejudices are usually formed on nothing concrete, but mainly on what they have been told, on confirmation bias and which forms the basis of their interaction with others.

What do we do when people do not fit into the boxes society has set for them? Tolerate them? Or embrace them without caveats?

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Clarity

#MyWordForToday is #Clarity

Sometimes life throws raw eggs on our figurative windscreens, and our first natural instinct would usually be to use our wipers to clear it off.

This would be a grave mistake because using your wiper to clear off eggs from any windscreen would impair or even totally block your vision.

How does this apply to #MyWordForTheDay? Seeking clarity in areas of our lives requires that we do stuff that will not block our vision.

What is clarity? When I was about 25 or so years old,  I had a terrible breakout of acne all over my face. In fact, I had an episode that made me stay indoors for weeks. I was unable to step out of my house because of those disfiguring spots on my face.

My cousin eventually told me of Oxy10 and glycerine, and these helped me clear up the acne. I also used a clarifying lotion to smoothen it up. People who saw me afterwards marvelled at how pretty my face had become.  

This could only have happened because I had succeeded in clarifying my skin and so my beautiful face could shine forth.

Clarity,  whether of the face, the Vision or of our purposes in life is very important. We have often said one of the best things you can do for yourself is to know and understand your purpose in life.

I want to believe many of us have read "The Alchemist" by Paul Coello. One of the most profound lessons therein for me is "realizing your purpose and living it to the fullest, each day of your life".

In order to do justice to this blog post on clarity,  a talk about purpose is inevitable. Purpose,  to many people, sounds like a really terrifying concept. 😊 It doesn't have to be.

I'm going to demystify it by simply referring to it as "your message". So, purpose = your message to the World.

In the blog post, I did on personal branding, I identified one way to decipher what your message to the world is. Please check through my blog for that post.

The Bible also did say "wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure", meaning “your message” is where you spend most of your time, your interests, stuff that keeps you going, where your heart is.

I had said before that it is important to identify your message, but what is even more important is clarifying that message. This means that you have to keep evolving and honing your message until it becomes synonymous with your name.

Mother Theresa was anonymous with kind acts of charity,  Jack Ma with e-commerce, Michael Jackson with best-selling dance and music.

These folks have carefully cultivated and clarified their brands up to the point that their names come up in connection with those things I'd mentioned.

Going back to the analogy of the raw egg on the windshield, you must understand that although clarity comes by taking hold of your message and finetuning it,  how you do so is very crucial. Using your wiper is doing the right thing in a wrong way, because rather than clear your vision, the wipers will totally blind you.

Thankfully, there are many resources you can deploy to get clarity on your message. Seek for the right kind of help whilst remembering that your vision is not just about you, and so you must be very intentional about your how.

I sent a blog post of mine to a friend and asked if he thought I could publish it as a book, he responded by saying, the best way to know is to publish it. I will get the feedback that I need, and this will go a long way in helping me clarify my vision.

Having an unclarified message ( I say this because some of us have multiple messages) is akin to having many tabs open on your PC, this slows the PC down,  thereby reducing its ability to work optimally. No matter how great your message is, leaving it directionless will cripple it.

My old Boss was often wont to say " direction is more important than speed". 

In my case,  self-leadership is an intrinsic part of my message, this means that more than anything else, I value growth and everyone with a growth mindset, it is a core value for me. And I have set about clarifying my message along these lines.

If you have read my write-ups, you would see that they are all centred around "self". It is my unshaken belief that change begins from me; if I cannot change myself, how do I change the world?


What would you like you and your personal brand to be synonymous with?  Therein lies your message. Clarify it.


"Let your light shine before others ".

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Blindspots

"No matter how smart they are, some people just don’t recognize the subtle behaviours or unconscious habits that are holding them back." Sara Canaday. 

#MyWordForToday is #Blindspots. 

About 3 weeks ago, we were on our way to the market and as we were about to turn into the shopping mall,  a bike came literally out of nowhere and we nearly hit him into the gutter. 

We were lucky that he wasn't hurt that much because it would not have mattered who was at fault, if anything had happened to him.

He (the bike man) had approached my husband who was driving from a blind spot and my husband did not see him coming at all. 

A leader may have equipped him/herself with all the skill sets required to lead but are they aware of their blind spots? As in this story I just shared above, if you have ever driven, you would have most likely encountered blind spots.  It typically happens when your side mirror is not showing you oncoming vehicles because the vehicles have moved past the vision of your side mirror.

Blind spots can create fatal accidents if one does not ensure to look specifically for them. We all have our blind spots, some people's blind spot may be cultural, professional, character-wise or even emotional. 

Some people believe that the place of a woman is in the kitchen. If you are such a boss,  this cognitive bias may disallow you from seeing the potentials of the women that you lead or that work with you. 

Blind spots if not known and addressed can be the Achilles heel of your leadership.  One way to help rid yourself of your blind spot is to surround yourself with people who although respect you,  will not hesitate to respectfully point it out to you. Also, as a leader, always ask for feedback. 

Surrounding yourself with sycophants or yes-Men has never done anyone any good.  Your Yes-Men will deceive you and escort you to the grave of your career, business, or other relationships and leave you there. 

Normalise taking criticisms as feedback, remain humble and teachable,  unlearn your toxic behaviours and lead with heart. 

Remember the story of Naaman and the Hebrew girl? 😉

Have a restful Sunday.

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💕💌

(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Fragility

"Paradoxically, we achieve true wholeness only by embracing our fragility and sometimes, our brokenness." - Jalaja Bonheim

#MyWordForToday is # Fragility
I will be talking about fragility as the strength of a woman.

We, women through the ages have been considered first as a lesser human being, and later upgraded to be fully human; but only if we can be exactly like one who has always been a full human being: the male gender.😔

This is why phrases like "act like a woman think Like a Man" became a catchphrase. Because apparently, thinking like a woman is thinking like a lesser human being.

I don't know how to feel about this, for people have often said "to catch a mouse, you must think like one", ergo to be accepted in a man's world, you must think like one.  I daresay this faulty thinking is causing a lot of havoc in our world today.

Women do share a lot of things in common with men. We are human beings in every single way (it sucks that we must constantly reiterate this),  wanting to be loved, to be appreciated, to be acknowledged, and celebrated. But even in all our sameness, our natures and physiologies are still different, the way we analyse stuff is different, our leadership style is different, even our brain structure is different.

Yet women are constantly referred to as fragile. The dictionary meaning of fragile is "easily broken, shattered or damaged; delicate".

Another meaning is "lacking in substance or force; flimsy".  Imagine being referred to as "lacking in substance", simply because biology says you are the female gender but not because of your psychological makeup.

Women have had to endure quite a lot over the years, we are drawn into wars that have nothing to do with us, and we are made to bear the brunt of each of those wars. Women are brutally raped and sexually assaulted, it has become commonplace to use women as bait to secure favours.

The women referred to as been "fragile" are made to compete in a competitive male world,  and everything we have today we have had to fight for: the fight to be recognised as human beings,  to own properties,  the right to vote, the right to refuse to have children (this is a barely begun fight),  the right to work without being discriminated against, the right to carry our vaginas in peace e.t.c.

Many of us have found ourselves exhausted and anxious at all the battles to be accepted as a human being. The idea that a fragile species is being made to fight for the basic human right which is granted (without asking, to a man) is really absurd to me.

I do not agree that the idea of fragility applies at all to women,  perhaps what the framers of "weaker vessel" meant was that women are far more emotional than men, or perhaps fragility stands for strength.

If it is the former, being emotional does not rob one of the ability to be sensible, every human being is made up of emotions, in fact understanding your feelings/emotions is akin to possessing a very high level of intelligence.

If fragility refers to strength, "it does not come from physical capacity but from indomitable will"- Mahatma Gandhi.

Quiet forbearance has always been the forte of many women. We have not only had to pick up ourselves with courage, by drawing from our inner strength,  we have also had to give that courage to our wards, children and others around us, it is our vulnerability that gives us strength; this is who we are. Beautiful, Wholesome and Strong.

We have found ourselves terribly exposed by the fight to be seen and heard as equal humans, but it is in these moments that we have truly found our strength.

Vulnerability requires strength, as does fragility.

I'd leave you to ponder on these thoughts of mine with this quote, slightly edited by me :

"Woman, your fragility is also your strength" - Pina Bausch.

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Energy

#MyWordForToday is #Energy

If you have ever met me, the first things you will probably notice is the mischievous spark in my eyes, the energy of my movements, and my boisterous nature.

My superpower has always been my ability to carry my energy with me. It seems to me that people leave theirs behind, and being in a place where everyone is staid and dull affects the atmosphere making it lack in spirit. By energy, i mean vitality and high spirits. 

I didn't always consciously carry my energy with me, it was just something that was part of me. Over time, however,  I tended to go along with the flow of atmosphere of a place, but I soon realized that this always dampened my often high spirit more than anything; and so, now I come into a conversation, into a room, into anything bearing my vivaciousness. 💃💃💃 

I had written a post about my second name being "joie-de- vivre".  Being a natural sanguine, I am able to animate just about any group of people I meet with, naturally, people who know me expect this energy every time we meet but I fall short of expectations sometimes, and when this began to happen, I started to study myself more intimately.

I discovered that I am sometimes unable to give my usual verve for myriad reasons, but because of this discovery, I am very conscious of cultivating my energy. 

I realized also that although I am sanguine, I am also an ambivert. I need time to recharge and refill my energy. I am able to be by myself for weeks without needing face to face interactions, as long as I have my books or social media. 

"What is an ambivert? An ambivert is someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion, and can flip into either depending on their mood, context, and goals" - science of people. 

Ambiverts are sometimes referred to as " outgoing introverts" 😅 I'm not sure any part of me is an introvert though. 

You see, a lot of people think that time and money are our only limited resources, whereas our energy and what we allocate them on are truly the most limited resource.

I was listening to a podcast featuring Tyra Banks and James Altucher. She said anytime she's approached with opportunities, she takes time to evaluate them, she asks herself if they are “Fierce, Funny or Heart.” Broken down, these mean: 

Fierce: Is it aspirational or does it have a glamorous kind of spin to it?

Funny: Does it make you laugh, is it self- deprecating, is it comedic?

Heart: Does it touch your heart? Is it emotional? Does it feel like there’s some type of connection?”

She says the opportunities must have at least two of these elements. So like me, Tyra carefully chooses the stuff that she spends her time and energy on.

There was a time I spend my energy on trying to fit in in cliques or even getting some people to like me,  I no longer do this, whether I'm liked or not, I am bringing my energy, let everyone deal with that. 😎

The first step to being HAPPY with yourself is knowing and owning who you are. Spend time analysing yourself and your feelings.  Find out why a matter affect you so much?

Take time to understand your feelings towards stuff so it can help you navigate some areas of your life. And this is why you must never discountenance your intuition and feelings.

A lot of us tend to run away from some of our feelings that are not positive.  Envy, for instance, is a human emotion that many of us have experienced, at one time or the other. What is however important is what you do with it. 

If you are envious of a particular person or situation, you should find out what about it is making you envious and then deal with that. Envy like other "negative" emotions is a purely human emotion, and dealing with it is the best way to getting it out of your system.  

Like I said in my other post, we must never shy away from having uncomfortable conversations, sometimes those conversations are with ourselves.

Allocating your energy into the wrong things will drain you, make you unhappy, and might even frustrate you. In one of my blogs, I  wrote that you receive the same energy that you bring.

This is why it makes so much sense to social distance from the energy that drains you. Filter ruthlessly those whose energy makes you empty and surround yourself with the positive ones.

The funny thing about energy is that if you're not carefully curating your own energy, you will absorb that of others around you, nature, after all, abhors a vacuum.

This applies even in corporate organisations.  Human beings are the lifeblood of a company and we are emotional animals, and so, where positive Energy is low, productivity could also be low, where productivity is low, sales which is the bottom line of many businesses could also become low. 

Always bring your own positive Energy.

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💕💌

(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Communication.

I had stated in my blog post on "being bold" that boldness is the bedrock of all other values. After carrying out some research on communication, I have come to the realization. that I was wrong.

The most important of all value concepts is communication. Why? Because it applies to everything that we must do.

Yesterday whilst I was penning down a post on personal branding, read here https://bit.ly/2BMu12X. I realised that personal branding itself is a form of communication because it explicitly explains who you are, and why people should engage with you whether on a business, professional or career level.

The key to all good relationships and even the bad ones is communication, the latter being the failure of the speaker/writer to pass their messages in as succinct a manner as is required.

Communication is often categorized into about four types, namely verbal; non-verbal; written and visual. In this post, I am going to be writing on what I believe are the essentials of good communication.

My late grandmother about 20 years ago had this maid from the  Republic of Benin. In my family, we are Yorubas from southwestern Nigeria, and our communication mostly consists of contexts, nuances and cultural connotations.

What does this mean? Every thoroughbred Yoruba person knows what each facial expression means. Failure to decipher an expression could very well land you in ‘hot soup’ (a euphemism for trouble).

A typical Yoruba person would say you must understand "nonverbal facial communication". It is written in the Yoruba constitution, every true Yoruba person knows this.

Back to my grandmother and her maid. On this fateful day, her maid helped her cook some vegetable stew. After we had eaten, she then approached my Gran to ask what she was to do with the remainder, whereupon my Gran replied: "put it on my head".

Amazingly, the young lady took several steps towards my grandmother with the pot of soup intending to actually put the soup on her forehead. I was with them in the living room at the time, and I just burst into laughter. 😀😀😀

This is communication and how it should not be done. If I was the one who was helping, I obviously won't be asking that kind of question because I already know that I have to put the remainder of the soup in the freezer, telling her to put the pot of soup on her head was a sarcastic way of telling her that you should know what to do, but the girl did not understand the nuances and was fully intending to do exactly as she was instructed.

It was so hilarious that I wish we had camera phones at the time so I could just take a picture of the shocked look on my Grandmother's face.😊😊😊

Communication, as I'd said, is nuanced. It is contextual, and it is cultural and these three things must be taken into consideration while trying to pass a message to others.

A lot of people have said that when communicating, clarity is very essential, but if the person you're talking to is not putting into consideration these three things I have mentioned before, then there's no way the message sought to be passed would be clear to the listener. Just like in the case of my grandmother and her maid it was clear that she needed to do something with that pot of soup but it wasn't clear to her.

As lawyers, we are taught that words are to be interpreted in the context in which they are used, and this is why I said communication is also contextual. I am glad that we now have emojis, they sometimes help to put messages passed into context.

Communication is cultural because a word in a language means something else in another. And sometimes in translating from a native language to perhaps English, a lot of nuances are lost, for instance, Arabic to English or even Yoruba to the English language.

To make it more relatable, a black person might call another black man a nigger as a form of salutation, it would be offensive, coming from a white man. This is what I mean by communication being cultural.

Let's also not forget that there are some people who are committed to misunderstanding you, and so no matter how crystal clear your message is, they will never understand because they do not want to understand. (Okay, that was an aside, I just needed to say it). 😀

Something else to note, communication is about encoding and decoding. When you are speaking or writing, you want to be sure that the person understands the context in which you're speaking/writing.  Face-to-face communication is a tad easier but when you are writing you have to be very careful to communicate in such a way that your reader would understand what you are saying.

I see a lot of people say "it is not my responsibility to make you understand what I am saying". This is an anomaly, in every communication, you must ensure that the person that you're speaking to understands and comprehends (you encode, and they decode) what you are saying, because what is the basis of the communication if your listeners or reader cannot decipher properly or comprehend what you are saying. It is very important to be unambiguous and avoid speaking in generalities in order to communicate effectively.

Back to how communication as it ties in with Personal Branding. I see personal branding as a pizza where several slices come together to make a whole.

The way you dress, the way you speak, your actions, your leadership skills all come together to make your pizza box of Personal branding.

If you read that post (congratulations😅), you might be wondering, now that you understand what personal branding is, how do you effectively brand myself?

First thing you must do is to become self-aware. How? I'd like you to pick up a piece of paper and list out the values that resonate with you and your personality.

Once you are done with this list, marry them to your interests. You see a lot of times we think we're interested in one thing but we're actually not.

I have a hack for you, if you have Instagram, go to your settings, there's a place where you can download the stuff you spend your time on every time you are on Instagram.

The algorithm stores the things that interest you and this is how adverts are shown to you. Take a look at that portion, therein lies the things that you are passionate about because you spend a lot of your time consuming those pieces of information. My interests include public speaking, communication skills, leadership development, yoga, fashion and food 🤣

After you have done this, you marry both, decide on a course of action that you want to pursue and begin your branding from this standpoint.

Personal branding is not static, it is dynamic. It evolves because you are a human being, we are always in a state of becoming.

Personal branding is simply showcasing your values to people and this for me is communication.

Bibireosefowora 💕💌

(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money)

Effective Personal Branding.

You are a brand, yes you!!! So long as you have an online personality, branding yourself become imperative.

Every time someone comes across you online, they form opinions about your personality, and this may determine how they interact and engage with you. 

More often than not, when a person comes across you offline, or even online, they would usually check out your online profile. So much so, that companies or prospective employers check your social media to get a feel of who you are. 

Personal branding is simply creating a unique vision of who you are or who you want people to perceive you to be. Perception is often more powerful than reality. 

Why is personal branding important? In managing your brand in a world where misinformation is rife and where Google has permanent information of you (which may not be true), it will be foolhardy not to tell your own story by yourself. 

The way people read you is the way they would address and engage with you.

Personal Branding is an effective way of highlighting your potentials and making you more visible. 

Are you quirky, creative, fun to be around or even a multipotentialite? Highlighting your authentic self is not only an effective personal branding strategy, but it is also very important.

Remember what you have, many can have, but what you are, no one else can be.

Invest in branding yourself properly. It is worth it totally xxx

Have a beautiful Sunday!

Bibire

#MyWordForToday is #Resourcefulness

“The mind of a child is where the revolution begins, so if the solution has never been to look at yourself how is it that you expect to find it anywhere else?”-⁦ @ImmortalTech⁩

#MyWordForToday is #Resourcefulness

A word that can mean clever and tenacious, it is a skill that I look out for were I to be interviewing prospective employees.

For resourceful people, giving up is not an attractive option. Our 9-year-old daughter continues to teach us lessons on being resourceful and tenacious.

She simply does not recognise the word "NO". When she asks for anything, she does not hear no, I think she hears "come back later" or "not yet", she's a persistent little bugger 💞💞💞. 

I had written a medium post about her here: https://link.medium.com/6BEAKY6S56. She took a shine to ballet dancing, I tried to dissuade her because I was convinced she had two left feet and was wont to dance faster than musical beats, but she persisted in her belief and has now put me in particular, to "shame" she now leads during her school presentations, and even does solo presentations (this is just one instance of her being persistent when she really wants something).

The life lessons I have picked, and still picking from my little Ejura is that if you really need to do something, you must find a way in spite of obstacles barring you. You must find resourceful ways of achieving your goals, she forces us to sit and watch her practice, she even tries to make us dance ballet 🤭.

It has now become a thing for me, when I find myself in difficult situations, to ask myself what would Ejura do? 😁

I have read very many things about the universe, how it opens up for you when you really want something, I do not know how true this is, I do however know that in achieving a goal, one must be persistent, consistent, determine and tenacious.

Rome indeed was not built in a day, but the bricks to build it was laid every single day. It is trite that as a leader, you must cultivate the ability of being resourceful.

Finding enterprising ways of tackling issues that arise, as life is such that there will always be challenges, the ability to find ingenious ways of solving those challenges will forever be an admirable skill.

Some people refer to being resourceful as the skill of "thinking outside the box". I call it thinking "enterprisingly" or being a jury-riger.

Perhaps being resourceful is a follow-come skill (follow come is hilarious Nigerianese for "factory-fitted"), but I also know that it is a learnable skill, after all, everyone in my family is learning from our 9year old.

One of the hallmarks of being resourceful is being open-minded and flexible in decision making. Always willing to hear others before taking a decision. After all the mark of an educated mind is to examine all possibilities and discard the ones that are not useful for you.

A resourceful person is also great at building useful friendships and contacts, this was aptly named by Ms Carla Harris as having "relationship currency". She said, "If you have a good relationship with someone, they will often be willing to introduce you to others and even to use their reputation to vouch for you or to give you an endorsement".

This is simply using the relationships that you have built over time as a currency to be spent when the need arises, that is being resourceful.

The COVID-19 pandemic has made some of us resourceful, one of the positives to this nightmare. We have had to dig in into ourselves.

The phrase "it is not what you do not have that holds you back, it is what you do have but you're not using that holds you back" rings very very true now.

COVID is making some of us utilise some of the tools in our creative arsenal, it has caused us to take a pause and look inward, to identify what we already have but paid no mind to. And this is quite fantastic.

I follow Shil Shanghavi on LinkedIn, he wrote a post on how one of his shoe boxes, not the shoes themselves, have served to be one of the most valuable pieces of equipment he possesses because he now uses it as a magnificent prop for his MacBook. He said it has now become "an effortless asset for his online presentations".

Bedros Keuilian, author of the best-selling book "man-up", speaking on being resourceful said "If you cannot do it with no money, no connection, and no experience, then you can't do it even WITH all of these things. Being resourceful he says, is the "Ultimate Resource", your biography does not determine your destiny, your decisions do.

A resourceful person is one who chooses their battles carefully. My people are wont to say it is not every dog that barks at you on your way to the marketplace that you must stop to throw stones at, for when will you get to the marketplace?

A resourceful person is aware that his/her energy is limited and should, therefore, be spent on activities that bring a return, and not on just every type of activity.

Perhaps the most important trait of a resourceful person is their resilience and optimism.... going from one failure to the other without giving up their cause. A trait that can also be annoying because they are just like a dog with a bone. 😄

A resourceful person is an emotionally intelligent person that would acquire additional skills, knowledge and self-confidence. Being teachable and open to learning is a vital characteristic of an ideal resourceful person.

I had spoken about flexibility above, let me also mention that a resourceful person is able to shift their perspective on issues. My daughter when presented with a No, pivots to something else and "okay, how about......."? ☺

I have constantly reiterated that if you cannot change a circumstance, you must change how you view that Circumstance. Changing or pivoting from a perspective is very key 🔑 in being resourceful.

A resourceful person will realise that no man is an island and that seeking the opinions of others or bouncing off ideas around others is not a weakness, but a resource. Take time off to see stuff from multiple perspectives whilst not forgetting to keep an open mind, this is my view of being a resourceful person.....

Namaste!

p. s : Ejura is also a budding creative, destroying several papers in her artistic bid. The attached fiery picture is her depiction of " the ickabog" by J. K. Rowling.

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu

07062020

#MyWordForToday is #Safety.

"I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, oh Lord, only makes me dwell in safety."

Psalms 4:8 KJV

#MyWordForToday is #Safety.

So much is happening in the Y2020, so much has happened, it feels like we have lived an entire year.

Due to the deadly COVID-19, many of us fear for our health and those of our loved ones, because of the alleged racially motivated killing of George Floyd, many of us fear for the lives and businesses of ourselves and loved ones.

In Nigeria, we are facing a rape pandemic, institutionalized harassment and defilement of women. In the past few days, we have had reports of young vibrant women, raped and brutally murdered. Both in places, where we think are "safe place".

More alarming are the excuses put forward by fellow human beings for these dastardly acts, where is our compassion, where is our empathy? It is all very overwhelming. 

As a Christian, there are many resources in the Bible to turn to, especially if the challenges we face are things we cannot control nor help, it is a veritable source of comfort. "but the Lord only makes us dwell in safety". 

For you will not be able to comfort others if you are yourself in a state of pain. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

What is safety? I think of it as a refuge from the vagaries of the world. A place, whether physical or otherwise that we can hide in when it all becomes too much. In my case, I seek refuge in prayers, on my knees, weeping my heart out, seeking a sort of release from the pain.

This, however, may not work for everyone, but it is imperative for each of us to have a hiding place when the World becomes too much to bear.

The concept of safety has over the years saved women from domestic violence, saved Africa (of all heritages) from a certain ruin, saved people of dissenting views from those who wish to crush their rebellion.

It seems the human race needs saving from itself because it seems we are intent on obliterating ourselves from the face of the Earth. We tamper with the environment causing it to overheat, we abuse the animals destroying the symbiotic relationship that helps to keep the circle of life going.

We hate ourselves for things that are beyond our control. Protests, rioting, have become commonplace because each new day brings another level of hate.

Perhaps what is most annoying is how we masquerade, sending love and light, accepting to be protectors of sorts but using that facade to hurt others.

This post is a cry for help, our safety depends on one another. We cannot guard against what we cannot see, and so we need a hand whenever danger lurks by. 

Ubuntu is a Nguni South African saying that I have interpreted as "without you, there is no me". A Nigerian Yoruba adage also says "one hand is inadequate to lift a heavy load unto the head".

Being a safe place is not just physical, it is spiritual, it is virtual. Kudos to those being safe places for others. Guarding them against marauders and stealers of peace.

It is appalling that a woman of any age is not safe, her only crime is being born with a vagina. This makes her a target for a person carried in the womb of a woman, and most likely, born out of that same vagina.

At the moment, all we have are ourselves, and God. But God is not going to come down, He has given us the freedom and power of choice.  So what are you doing to keep others safe?

Are you a safe place?

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu

04062020

#MyWordForToday is #Bold.

My Word for Today is #bold.

Being Bold has so many connotations, so please permit me to write on boldness and self-expression. 

There's an adage in Yoruba land (South-West Nigeria) that says "it is one who has never encountered adversity that calls himself a man".

A man here simply refers to being a Braveheart and not a man as in gender.

I have interpreted this proverb to mean that if you have never encountered and overcome adversity, is it possible to consider yourself bold?

This is because in my view, being bold is a verb, an action word.

I very much doubt that many of us will look upon the first quarter of the year 2020 with fondness. We have experienced such turmoil, from the Covid-19 pandemic, racial tensions and attendant protests, deaths of our loved ones, it is all a bit too much, but even in the midst of all these ills, we have seen people who have boldly risen up to these challenges, from our medical caregivers to freedom fighters protesting for justice. 

For me, this is boldness through self-expression.

All of the values we had written about in our #DailyWritingChallenge, are all tied to being bold. "Determination, Rebellion, Diversity and inclusion, Humility are all values made possible because of boldness, you cannot project any of these unless you have chosen first to be bold.

I remember writing in the Year 2018 on "Start". It was influenced by my spoilt tap that kept dripping in the middle of the night, by morning it had become a full bucket, this reiterated to me that although little drops of water made a mighty ocean, you must be bold enough to start up the process.

Every little step that you take towards bettering yourself is so much better than just having lofty intentions.

Many of us are stuck in our bid to make a better life for us, and I think it is because of the fear of being judged.

The fear of judgment is so potent that it stops us from communicating our values to the people that we have the potential of increasing their own value. 

Being afraid of judgement is perfectly normal, our fears vary and can show up in myriad of ways. Some of us fear being judged for our lack of expertise, or perhaps the inability to speak in "polished" tones but the fact of the matter is that even while being held paralyzed by fear, boldness helps us, to move and achieve what we want to achieve. So we must simply do it afraid.

Also realise that no one is you, your story, your perspective, is a unique one that you must seek to put out, even if you must do it while afraid.

Back to the piece I wrote, it taught me that the hardest part of doing something is starting.

Being bold to startup will ensure that the more you do things, the better you get at it. Like Marisa Peer said "get comfortable with the uncomfortable", get comfortable with that which makes you uncomfortable. 

Many times when I have reached a plateau in my writing, I would seek out things that spur me on and helps me to dispels self-limiting thoughts that say I am not good enough.

I always fall back on these "when you start, you are already halfway there". I'm also buoyed by my mantra that I have held onto for years now "you cannot fail if you do not try."

There's also this phrase by Mark Zuckerberg that I've held onto for dear life 

"Don't discount yourself, no matter what you're doing. Everyone has a unique perspective that they can bring to the world."

I will leave you with this phrase: "The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” ― Brené Brown.

Be Bold, the world needs you.

Bibireosefowora💋

01062020