#Mywordfortoday is "The miseducation of #Pride".

#Mywordfortoday is The miseducation of #Pride.

My word today is a mouthful because Pride, alongside its first cousin Rebellion, also gets a very bad rap.

We are miseducated about pride because over the years, we have used hubris and arrogance interchangeably with pride.

We have also consistently depicted humility as being the direct opposite of pride, and so, we are tempted to think that to place our weaknesses before people is a form of humility.

No it is not.

Some leadership styles also think that we can’t be humble and confident at the same time. Perhaps it is due to phrases like "pride goes before a fall" portraying pride as being a vice, and not a virtue

A genuinely confident leader is humble at his/her core. He/She does not have to be arrogant to lead. If you are tempted to lead with arrogance, what you are doing is simply “De-Marketing Yourself”.

Pride, like many concepts has a smorgasbord of flavours. In my humble 😋 view, positive pride is an emotional result of succeeding at a thing.

Pride is inbuilt in us, operating as a sort of reward button when we achieve some stuff we set out to do.

The Bible in Genesis records that when God looked over all he had made, he saw that it was very good. God takes pride in his creations, why shouldn't we do the same?

Whatever you do in this one life that you have come, please do not belittle yourself, do not underrate yourself, do not smile deprecatingly whilst telling someone “I am not too good at this or that”, instead smile with confidence and discuss what you are good at.

Nobody has it all together, we are struggling with one thing or the other, those persons you look up to, those whom you live a portion of your life by their spoken values, those you put on pedestals and you marvel at their brilliance all have their struggles.

And it will shock you that you have some virtues, some values that they also are hoping to emulate or have. As a matter of fact, when people know the chink in your armor, they will use it against you in ways that may badly hurt you.

Belittling or underrating yourself under the guise of being humble is a form of low self - esteem. Speaking low of yourself is not humility, and taking pride in your achievements is not arrogance.

I am on a mission to teach young women to positively showcase themselves, put themselves forward and not hide behind the veneer of humility.

As I share these thoughts, I am equally speaking to myself:  Bibire, focus on your strengths, work on your weaknesses and take pride in your work if you want to fulfill your potentials.

“You will attract more good into your own life if you invest in taking pride in yourself and positively Marketing Yourself."

One of the secrets of Great Men and Women is that they promote themselves shamelessly.

You call it Pride, we call It Marketing and We Call you; The Guy or Girl with low Self-Esteem”

Do not de-market yourself, it is not a form of Humility.

Bibire ose Fowora💋

(Pedigree cannot be bought or Class cannot be bought with Money)

#Mywordfortoday is #ImposterSyndrome

#Mywordfortoday is #ImposterSyndrome

Have you ever experienced a feeling of being inadequate, a feeling that makes you doubt your own competence and accomplishments? 

A feeling that makes you self sabotage yourself many times. Don't worry you are not alone, these feelings of self-doubt are shockingly common. 

Oyinbo people call it the "imposter-syndrome"...IS can make you feel that you only succeeded at a thing because of luck and not because of your ability. I used to think, albeit erroneously that it was nature's way of ensuring that we do not become narcissistic. 

I have now found that it is a psychological challenge and it happens to the best of us. 

Let me use myself as an illustration, writing is a sort of catharsis for me, but no matter how many times people tell me, "oh I loved that write up of yours", I still feel like I do not measure up.

I lately found out that I had such a high opinion of what writing should be like and I sought for that, not realizing that each person's talent is different. 

The way we express ourselves is peculiar to each person and you should never measure yourself against what the World chooses. This is very important 

If there's no place for your sort of talent, create it, you have absolutely nothing to lose, yea your ego will be bruised (If you fail), but so what? Egos are made to be bruised 😂😫. (Gospel according to Bibire)

My old Boss was wont to say, it is not what you do not have that is the issue, it is what you have that you are not utilizing...this is the crux of the matter.

So while it is good to seek for refinement, it is important to continually express your talent, this is the only way to get better at it. 

Like I said in my earlier post, if you do not like who you are, create another you, whilst still retaining your core. 

Start by knowing that you do not have just have one identity, NO YOU DO NOT.

 Each area of your life may bear a different identity - being a Mom, in your finances, business, happiness, at work, faith, fitness and so on. This means that at every point, you are a work in progress.

And this is why I tell people, you may never be able to predict what you'd do in a given circumstance. So when I hear people say, it can never be me... I just chuckle. 

Anyways, If you want to refine any aspect of your life, you have to shift your thinking.

This shift starts with the way you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself, but the biggest, most impactful way to refine your talent and by implication, your life is through your associations.

Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

The cliché of “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future" is not a mere platitude.

But more importantly, the worth you place on you is absolutely crucial, why? You’ll never get more out of life than what you think you’re worth.

 

 Surround yourself with people who are doing better than you in those specific areas.

Thankfully,  In this social media era, the company you seek do not have to be your Friends, read widely, listen to impactful podcasts, and Youtube videos AND  then take action on what you have learnt or read.

Many times, when you go on IG, you see charlatans masquerading as makeup artistes, but those people are waaaay better than you because they have taken action and if they persist, they will get better at their craft.

The only way to deal with imposter syndrome is to continue to do....and when you get discouraged, look at how well you did in the past.

Also you can borrow this hack from Modupe Odele "Imagine that everyone is also an imposter" 😃

Leaving you with this quote i stole on Mark's internet

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”— Anonymous

Cheers to a better YOU 😘 and ME of course. 

Bibire Ose Fowora

P.S. Many of my writeups are directed at me, but if you found parts of it useful, 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Bibireosefowora 💋

#mywordfortoday #impostersyndrome

#Mywordfortoday is #Happiness

#Mywordfortoday is #Happiness: do you even have a glass?

It is fitting to write on happiness as today is Children's day in Nigeria. And happiness in Children is just very delightful.

At 42, I am still very much a child so Happy Children's day to me and my fellow "refuse to lose our Innocence" Gang.😃😃😃

In coaching circles, this age-old question is often asked: "Is your glass half-full or half-empty"? I'd like to add mine to it: do you even have a glass? Let's proceed from this viewpoint.

This is because my answer to that question has always been to be thankful that I even have a glass.

I am always inclined to agree with Maya Angelou who said: "if you cannot change your situation, change your attitude towards that situation". I like to think of this quote as change your perception of the situation if you cannot change the situation, it's kind of the same thing, I just like my version better.😊

I have always been an advocate of moving away from a set of circumstances that is unpleasant to you and I've always said "you are not a tree, move" but I also know that they are situations that you cannot help. 

This means you have to find a way to make your peace with that situation, and this for me, is the key to finding your happiness.

I use the phrase "finding your happiness" because happiness is not a one-size-fits-all concept.

What happiness means to you may differ to another person. Happiness also is not static, it evolves. What has made you happy as a girl may cause unhappiness for you as a woman so it is always important to choose your peace.

Happiness means different things to different people. Some people I reckon were born happy, nothing seems to get to them, while others struggle with being happy.

In order to make what I'm saying about happiness more relatable, I am going to draw up an analogy with childbearing and adoption.

Some of us get pregnant without even trying, some of us have to put in the work (you have to measure your temperature, check the viability of your eggs etc) in order to get pregnant, some of us are unwilling to carry pregnancies and some of us are completely unable to conceive.

We need to stop hounding people over the choices that give them peace of mind, and ergo happiness.

In Nigeria, adoption was almost a taboo subject (in fact, the process of adoption itself is enough to drive one off the rails), people would usually hide or travel out of the country in order to adopt a child, because Society turns up its nose at them for these matters of conception which is outside their control.

I've spoken to a few female friends on IVF, and I was regaled with tales of how excruciatingly painful it can be, it is also really expensive and worst of all, there are no guarantees that it would result in successful conception.

I constantly wonder why we vilify these hapless women. How does it affect you that a person is seeking their Happiness by adopting children?

I'm focusing on women because in Nigeria, it is the primary responsibility of women to source for children. 🙄😒😏😐

It seems to me that prioritising your peace requires courage because although the society masquerades, and wishes you happiness, these wishes are often not genuine.

Well, maybe it is not that society is not genuinely happy for you, but that it wants to determine the way you should be happy.

So it is up to you to build and maintain your happiness.

You will notice that I am constantly using peace and happiness simultaneously. 

This was inspired by Suratul Baqarah (2:216) in the Holy Quran: "but perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you".

My interpretation is that it is possible that a thing makes you happy, but it is bad for you and others around you; however, whatever brings you peace (so long as you're not a psychopath) would not or should not cause you or others anguish.

In pursuing your happiness, you've got to realise that there are no guarantees at all in life. You may do all the right things and still end up being unfairly treated, make your peace in advance. Save yourself the stress of undue suffering and unhappiness.

I'm going to share some certain things I do in an effort to reinforce my happiness.

1. I try not to " tight the world to my chest". 😄. This is Nigeria speak for "don't sweat the small stuff". This holds true even for the big stuff.

2. I try to spend time with people who uplift me instead of the people who bring me or other people down. We always intuitively know the people good for us. Spend time with those.

3. I try to take opportunities that would encourage my personal growth. This is very key. It might be that you need to equip yourself with skills that you might need to transform your life.

4. I try not to dwell on my struggles as I grow. I always try to remember the struggle of the Caterpillar before becoming a butterfly. I read a story of someone that helped a caterpillar get out of its cocoon, and then instead of transforming into a butterfly, the Caterpillar died. It turns out that the struggle to emerge from it's cocoon is not only important, it is also germane to the development of the caterpillar in transforming into a butterfly.

5. I tried to get rid of the "why me" thinking because why not me? I find that instead of focusing on why this has happened to me, it is best to find a way to get out of the situation and do my best to learn the lessons presented by it.

Please share some of the ways that you have used and has worked for you. Thank you. 

There's something I would like for you to do. I'd like you to take a piece of paper and a pen, and draw up a table. You need to map out exactly what is causing you to be unhappy so you can find practical solutions to that. 

Your first column should be the year (this is only for reference) the second column should be the problem(s) you are currently facing, and the third column should be the possible and impossible solutions.

We all have different issues bothering us, identifying what the core of what those are, having workable solutions, and breaking those into tiny bits may help in alleviating our unhappiness.

Some of us have money issues, for some, it is unemployment, for some, it is relationship woes.  Without identifying the exact cause(s) of your being unhappy, you might never be able to figure out a way out of it.

I'm going to end this piece by reiterating the words of Maya Angelou on the need to re-engineer your thought process and train your mind.

Change what you can, what you cannot change, change your perception to it. 

Prioritize Your peace, it is key to your happiness.And ensure you do not lose your glass!

To your peace,

Bibire Ose Fowora

27052020.

#Mywordfortoday is #Humour

#Mywordfortoday is #Humour

This is definitely a topic I am qualified to write about because I have always believed in the power of being lighthearted, and I like to believe humour was factory fitted into me at creation.😅

I love to laugh at life, at myself, at stuck up situations and their human versions. Humour, however, is much more than just the ability to laugh or make others laugh.

Humour, in my opinion, is being emotionally intelligent. And according to Karyn Buxman a Neurohumorist, "humour is power".

Knowing how to make light of any situation, however dire, is priceless. I read via Ms Buxman about the Cuban Missile crisis, a nuclear war that was averted due to the humorous remark made by one of the Russian generals.

Dr Seuss has said that nonsense is absolutely necessary for the growth of our brain, also, science has shown that humour helps us to retain information for much longer, it aids us in in learning, understanding and comprehension.

I don't know if black people developed humour as a coping technique because it seems like blacks have this really heightened sense of humour. Perhaps it evolved as a way of coping with the problems that we had, we were held as slaves and segregated, we face racism every day our speech is disparaged so perhaps humour is our way of coping with our everyday activities.

Children learn through play, and that ought to tell you how important humour is in our lives. When I train people in leadership and personal growth, I infuse play and humour into our sessions.

The whole class is laughing and learning; and will probably remember the things we played about. This is a much better scenario than when everybody is staring at your PowerPoint presentation, whilst pretending not to doze off, even after downing cups and cups of coffee.

I bought a book for our eldest son "a Wayne in a manger" by Gervase Phinn.  It's a hilarious collection of stories about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Little children from age 5 played the part of Joseph, Mary, the Angel, the innkeeper, and the wise men. Mary, age 6 was visited by the Angel and told that she would be having a boy child, she argued with Angel Gabriel, on "what if it's a girl".

Gabriel insisted it was a boy because God "knows about these things". After that was settled, the Angel said the baby had to be named Jesus, she wanted to call him Gavin because Mary doesn't like the name, Jesus 🤣🤣🤣. The Angel sulkily informed her that "if you are not naming him Jesus, you are not getting him"

When Joseph got home, Mary told him "I am having a baby - oh, and it is not yours".😭😭😭

Whenever I feel low, this book lifts my spirits because, in no time, I'm laughing so hard at the innocence of these younglings.

I have written a lot about how Proverbs were used to shape our lives in Nigeria. Some of these proverbs, while teaching wisdom was delivered in the most humorous of ways and the humorous ones, are the ones we typically remember:

"calculation is the husband of making love or having sex"- "Isi ro l'oko dido".

What do you think this means? My interpretation is in everything that we do in life we need to calculate and plan the good, the bad, and the intermediate this includes having sex apparently, 'uncalculated' sex has consequences.

I have found that humour is a very powerful motivator if properly deployed, some people may not agree because they think being funny makes work somewhat less serious or even inefficient, whereas where work is made fun, it increases productivity and fires up the brain from all that clogged up stressed induced feeling.

Although Humour is a necessity, some of us are humourless. Is there a way to learn, a way to find your personal humour style? are there resources available to help?

Humour helps us, not just to survive, but also to thrive, so in learning to be humorous, I am going to borrow from Loretta Laroche who said in order to learn become more humorous, you have to become a witness to your own behaviour and think about what you're thinking about and why? Interrogate your feelings.

She said if you think the worst and get the worst you suffer twice, but if you think the best and get the worst you only suffer once.

Borrowing further from Karen Buxman, knowledge is no longer power, it is the application of knowledge that is power, and this is true, even for humour. She said that in order for you to see the power in humour, you need to intentionally raise your awareness.

Look around you, see funny rather than be funny intentionally look for humour in places, in situations, in people. 

Humour has the power to increase our resilience, reduce our tension, and relax our muscles. Humour helps us to get the brain going, when we laugh, a chemical called serotonin is released leading to us feeling much better. If you are looking to be a more humorous person, you've got to become the fun that you are seeking.

According to Professor Albert Ellis, a number of people spend their lives "catastrophizing and awfulizing", failing to realise that the energy you give is the energy you get.

We would always say "stay away from negativity and negative energy", right? But what if you are the one with the negative energy?

Some of us have allowed the cares of life to rob us of humour, but worry has never added even a cubit to anyone's stature. All it does is make you anxious and miserable.

Professor Ellis wants me to tell you to "stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable". 🙏

My first assignment on entering a place is to lighten it up. The energy in my office changes when I enter into the office (at least three-quarters of the time), I enter with exuberance and attitude of "I cannot kill myself o".

Even the Bible in Proverbs 17 verse 22 NLT tells us that "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength".

Humour is powerful, but if we do not apply that power, then all is lost.......As Viktor Frankel said: "Humour is another of the Souls weapon in the fight for self Preservation".

Bibireosefowora 

26052020

#Mywordfortoday is being #audacious

#Mywordfortoday is being #audacious

While I was doing research on "being audacious" this morning, I stumbled on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 

We were taught these in my second year of philosophy. I promptly abandoned my view of being audacious and decided to write on this pyramid as it relates to life.

Abraham Maslow in 1943 drew up a pyramid because according to him, we as human beings have a hierarchy of needs; remember that in economics, we were taught the scale of preference which basically was a list of our needs/wants in order of its importance to us.

The Maslow pyramid is not so different from the scale of preference because it is listing our needs/wants in order of how important they are to us, however, this pyramid shows us that some people's wants are other people's needs.

In his theory, when the lower needs have been taken care of, the higher needs in the hierarchy begin to emerge.

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the first level is "Physiological" (food, water, shelter, warmth etc), my people would say, "hunger cannot be in the belly, and other concerns arise".

The second level is "Safety" (emotional and financial safety, domestic safety, safety against accidents etc), the third level is "Love and Belonging" this refers to relationships and how it impacts our feeling of well being.

The 4th level is "Self-esteem" (this is the feel-good, look-good emotion. The feeling of self-confidence and that one's achievements or contributions are being valued or recognised by other people.

At the apex is "Self-Actualization" which is the 5th and final level, this refers to a feeling of being fulfilled, leading a life of our purpose or living up to our potential. One unique feature of self-actualization is that it is different for everyone. Each person to their own belief of being self-actualized.

In talking about the audacity of a person to get to the 4th and 5th level, it may be mandatory to check if the other levels in the pyramid have been attained, even if it is just to a certain extent.

One of my favourite Bible verses is Isaiah 60:1 "arise and shine for thy light is come". I read this as a commandment; and would always think to myself "what is the use of arising if you would not shine"?

But reading this again in the light of the Maslow's pyramid, I have seen that this thinking of mine is faulty because we do not arise alike.

In particular, during these COVID-19 times, a lot of people are arising to hunger, loss of jobs/sustenance, loss of their loved ones, and certainly loss of whom they are. A lot of people are also forced to put up with domestic violence particularly because of the lockdown.

The people in the aforementioned category are nowhere in the psychological state of mind to be audacious about anything, they just want to exist first.

However, mere existing will require them to be audacious, to say "enough, something has to give". This, folks, is my blog this morning on being audacious.

I read something on Twitter yesterday, a 15-year-old girl was raped by her employer and she got pregnant. Of course, no one believed her (you see my usage of "of course") 😭😭😭.

She gave birth to twin boys, and yesterday was their 21st birthday. Her tweets on the sour and sweet incident ( please see attached picture) gave me the impetus to wish courage and audacity on you this morning.

Many of us are in situations we cannot help, but life has chosen us for these situations. We must not back down, we must face up to these challenges, we must not allow life to set leg for us and get away with doing that. 

We must be audacious, we must milk this adventure that is life, we must articulate our desired incomes outcomes and work towards that. The alternative is not at all pleasant.

It might be an overused cliché, but it is still true "Nothing, not even tough times last forever". 

And after all, "all die, na die (this is Nigerian pidgin speak for "no matter how you die, you are dead".)

And so, for the rest of us on the 4th & 5th levels, let us remember to be kind and compassionate. Some of us are on the 1st level and struggling so badly, the only viable currency to spend in this wise is kindness. 

Being kind in my own mind is also being audacious.Kindness will always be relevant.

To your shining, Namaste 🙏🏾  

Bibireosefowora 💘

25052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Determination

#Mywordfortoday is #Determination

“Everything worthwhile is uphill. Sadly, many people have uphill hopes and downhill habits.” - John C. Maxwell"

In Nigeria and if I daresay, the world, finishing with a CPGA of 2.49 which is a Third Class can be very devastating because it could mean losing out on many juicy job opportunities. 

This is the story of a number of people, but is that the end of the world? Is that the end of the story? Absolutely not. Of course, getting jobs and opportunities with that class of degree is very challenging. 

Many Nigerian employers use your first degree and your age to employ staff, failing to understand that in spite of holding a third class degree, or even a lower class of degree, one can be a first-class employee or even a business owner. 

Today I am writing this blog on determination, to encourage those of us in this situation. 

Sure, you didn't do so great at school, however, your grades will only follow you forever if you do not put it in "rearview and focus on your windshield" i .e. Put the past behind and look forward.

The only way to grow in life is to learn from the mistakes we had made. Success isn't only made in the grades you'd received, but is measured in the person you become or trying to become.

Don't get me wrong, grades are important but your performance after how you leave the university is "importanter".

I found this interesting quote on Mark's internet "don't be afraid to start over again. This time, you are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience".

My people are wont to say "do not listen to the noise in the marketplace, neither should you allow drummers in the marketplace to drown out what is inside of you. Drummers typically have the attention of the villagers because of how loud their drums are, but never allow them to push you into doubting your own capabilities." (I sort of paraphrased this).

I have found that when we allow our failures (I called them failures because of the stigma attached to the class of degree) to stretch us, we will move past our comfort zones. Failure is a much-needed ingredient on our ways to success. 

Like Ralph Emerson Waldo said, "the person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be".

Whatever it is that we nurture will grow. And this holds true whether in our personal, professional or spiritual lives.

We tend to give effort to what is important to us. Leave the past to be the past, focus on where you'd be rather than what is setting you back.

Determination alone might not suffice, so you've got to discover and understand your strengths and weaknesses. This would build up your motivation and sort of invigorate you.

Are you a good starter and a poor finisher or you have no finish; maybe you can't even start at all but once you start you keep going?!

It is also important that you get help. Some of us need accountability partners that will lift us when our motivation is low.

I listened to a motivational speech that likening motivation to having a bath daily. Our motivations might wane and in those times your accountability partner helps you to take up the Slack.

Determine exactly where your passions lie and make something of that by carving a niche in your passion.

Learn from your previous mistakes so that history does not keep repeating itself and please, please, please as much as possible surround yourself with people who will encourage you on your journey to greatness. 

Stay away from sycophants i.e. people who will tell you what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. 

Let me end this short piece by reminding you Nwankwo Kanu in spite of his ill-health (he had a hole in his heart) went on to play for Arsenal FC and, is today one of the biggest names we have in football in Nigeria.

Remember the journey of a thousand steps begins with just one.

Bibireosefowora 💘

22052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Rebellion

#Mywordfortoday is #Rebellion

In May 1803, about 75 Igbo slaves (the Igbos are principally from the Eastern part of Nigeria) who were being transported via a coastal vessel "the York" which was to take them to St. Simmons Island, revolted by capsizing the vessel, drowning their captors and themselves.

By so doing, they accepted death over being enslaved. It is fitting to tell this rather sad story today, as we write about Rebellion; it is also fitting because this happened in May. 

🙏🏾 May their souls and that of all others tragically snatched away continue to rest. 

When we talk about Rebellion, we would usually think about the negative connotation of the word. 

Rebellion enjoys infamous negativity alongside words like "cohort and ambition" etc.

It brings to mind an "insurrection or a stance of disobedience against authority. 

However, we all know that rebellion isn't always a dirty word. Is rebellion always an Insurrection? yes, I do believe so. But is it always violent, I think not.

If not for the rebellion of the likes of those poor Igbo Slaves, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and a host of others, our history as black people held in the throes of slavery, racism and segregation may have not changed.

Rebellion makes us understand how the world thinks, and how society wants us to behave. 

It is funny that the world wants you "to go against the grain" and "stand out", but if you do go against the grain, and attempt to be a non-conformist, the society many times, hold it against you.

Society says one thing, and mean another

Rebellion in my view is a necessary part of our lives if we would be happy with ourselves without any regret. Rebellion is standing against the status quo antebellum. 

Even the Rebels that wrestle against authorities and governments tend to do so because they are convinced that there is a better path, other than that been taken by the extant authority or governments. 

There is indeed something about the nature of rebellion that

authorities/government/Society wants to crush.

We will usually hear stuff like "the only thing constant in life is change", but does Society really want change? As it does everything just so that change does not come to pass. It is tragic.

Every entrepreneur (In Tech, Finance, etc) in my opinion,  is a rebellious changemaker, for if they did not have enough courage to push forward with the ideas they had conceived, we would be missing out on a lot of amazing stuff. Through this brave and amazing individuals, we are able to revolutionize our thinking and our way of life in general.

I remember watching an ad of the first Mercedes-Benz automobile. The video had a woman entering a rustic little village in order to get fuel. Boos of "witch, witch" were shouted at her because people could not fathom that (a) one could move on another mode of transportation other than a horse, and (b) it was driven by a "mere" woman.

Circa 19th Century, South-South Nigeria, a young "rebellious" missionary woman called Mary Slessor stopped the killing of twins who were hitherto thought to be evil and so were left in the evil forest to die.

History is replete with such rebellious humans who through the sheer force of will revolutionize life as we knew it. 

So in my view, being unafraid to use your personality, your uniqueness and skills in a world that appears to enjoy sameness is Rebellion.

Rebellion takes courage, a willingness to be picked upon without budging. Every rebellious person is a courageous person. 

I do believe Society is afraid of Rebels because they (the Rebels) force society to drop all the facade of proper behaviour, this then makes the society so nervous. Remember, the Chinese Doctor who first broke the news of a new, potentially deadly virus? 

They are so invested in "this is how we do it" and so, changes to that world order upset them a lot. As a rebel leader, I love it.

To be quite frank, there is no better time as these COVID-19 times, to rebelliously innovate the way we live our lives, the way we do governance, the way we treat the environment, and how economies are being run; after-all, crisis when written in Chinese is composed of two characters: danger and opportunity. 

Perhaps the best thing I love about rebellion is that it is usually sparked off by nonconformity and creativity, by the dislike of group-thinking and go-alongnism. 

Every society needs these brave, imperfect people to reiterate that life is not one-way traffic, life is not black and white, and we all cannot be the same. Society needs to allow us to thrive in our creative differences. Society needs to be less hypocritical.

What positive change would you make in life around you today? Do it, you might be changing the course of history as others did before you.

They would call it Rebellion, we call it disruption.

Bibireosefowora💘

22052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Compassion

My Word for today is #compassion

"The cultivation of compassion is no longer a luxury, but a necessity, if our species is to survive.” – The Dalai Lama

In my view, compassion is a multi-dimensional concept and so, I am going to be dwelling more on self- compassion. This is because I believe that self-compassion is the mother-lode of the different types of compassion.

Compassion is the one concept that I believe is capable of being both selfish and selfless at the same time. Let me illustrate my point by a Nigerian (Yoruba) proverb "If you and your child are caught in a fire, you must save yourself first". 

You save yourself first (selfish) in order that you might save your child (selfless) for if you do not first save yourself, you might be endangering the life of your child, who is perhaps incapable of saving himself. 

When we speak of compassion, we tend to look at the religiosity of it, but compassion just Dalai Lama said is not a luxury. It is a compulsory component for not just us as human beings, but also for plants, animals and the environment. 

I am pretty sure you have heard that plants when sung to, thrive even in less than ideal circumstances. 

Without compassion for each other, we will each die miserable deaths. 

Immediately @ethicaleader sent "compassion" as today's topic, the first thing that came to my mind was the song "we are the world" sung by Micheal Jackson, Diana Ross, Kenny Rogers et al.

In my considered view, this entire song speaks about being compassionate, being kind and lending a hand. Because we are indeed the World, and only together, can we heal our world. 

Everything in life teaches us self compassion but we tend to shy away from being compassionate with ourselves because we have been told that self-love can be narcissistic, however, we can never pour from an empty cup.

Some also believe, albeit erroneously, that compassion makes you weak, and this cannot be farthest from being the truth as being compassionate is being aware of the needs of others, but in such a way that you can carry on with your life whilst being helpful to others. 

Part of being compassionate is having an understanding of what motivates people. There is no way to do this, of course, unless you understand what motivates you. 

Self-compassion differs from self-preservation though they have many things in common, the latter, however, is closer to the selfish spectrum because self -preservation may mean doing anything to help ourselves, no matter whose ox is gored.

But how does one show compassion to a person who has done you dirty? 

It is easy to claim to be compassionate, and I do like to believe that many of us are imbued with that milk of human kindness. For some of us, it is stirred up by the compassionate acts we see people do (some of us have to learn as it may not come naturally), however, sometimes you just want to repay unkindness with unkindness.

It can actually be difficult to show compassion when you have been hurt, and I think it is due to human nature, we are imperfect, and when someone hurts us (a majority of us) we just want to stomp on that person so he/she can feel as hurt as we were. So it is down to bruised pride/Ego. 

The feeling of hurt may stem also from the agelong saying that "to whom much is given,  more is expected".

Perhaps one way of getting past that is to lose our ego whilst simultaneously finding our compassion. 

If we repay unkindness with unkindness, we create a very vicious circle, particularly when the person who did us dirty continues to do so... 

Honestly, being compassionate to those set of persons becomes near impossible, it is why in  Africa, some people become witches. 😄😄😄

They just want to cause that person misery... but we know how that goes!!! You will lose your soul. 

It is a known fact that it is not only people who receive compassion, that benefit from those acts, the giver is also rewarded by the release of some endorphins and a feel-good Factor, now isn't this, in fact, a win-win situation? 

My Husband, who is also a Lawyer recently got judgment in a pro-bono drug related matter, i remember him saying that the joy he got from the appreciation of the Defendant's father surpassed any professional fees that could have been paid.

Even whilst grappling with COVID-19 and its attendant troubles, we are reminded daily that compassion is the one thing that binds us together and really, it is one currency that the world cannot, but spend. 

Let me end this piece buy a quote from Russell Simmons  "compassion is the ultimate expression of your highest self".

Bibire Ose  Fowora

20052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Acceptance

#MyWordfortoday is #Acceptance: Understanding your value helps you to know and understand the value of people, situations and things.

In 2003, whilst preparing to go to Law School, my academic world at the time came crashing down. I found out that but I had failed a very crucial course without which I would be unable to proceed with my classmates to Law School. 

In 2001 I reached my left hand (I'm a south-paw) to acknowledge my name to a law lecturer and he was livid with anger he said that I was disrespectful and rude, I apologized and the matter is saying it was over.

Fast-forward to 2003 I discovered that I had failed that course and with it my admission to law school that year. I don't think I have ever cried the way I cried that day, I cried so much that I began to fall ill.

After much consideration, accusations and counter-accusations, I got cleared by the Faculty of Law to proceed to Law School in Kano, Nigeria. Some weeks after that,  the Senate at my university decided that they could not waive that course as it was a core course. I was asked to return and take that 300 level course again.

When I got that letter, I just fast-forwarded to the last stage of grief, acceptance. I had fought every step of the way to get admitted into law school over a year I caused an investigation to be opened into the matter and I was finally allowed to go to Law School and as I was just getting settled BAM, it was withdrawn.

I just cleaned my pretty eyes and summoned the strength I wasn't aware that I had and went to join 300 level students in order to retake the course.

I had told this story before......see here https://link.medium.com/S3IYXYmIt6.  I am telling it again because I knew that I was culpable in the event that happened. Although I was robbed of that opportunity that year, the part I played in the robbery cannot be glossed over.

In life, in order to be at peace with oneself, you must accept the part you played in an event. Many of us tend to gloss over the part where we messed up, choosing instead to blame every other person.

In my view, acceptance is simply being aware of our emotions particularly as it affects the things we have no power of changing. Acceptance usually comes up in uncomfortable, sometimes hateful situations that we find ourselves.

In my story, I chose to be at peace instead of being frustrated at the turn of events. I studied hard, I was always in the library, I came to do what I ought to have done in the beginning.  

At the end of that year,  I got an A+ in the course that I hitherto struggled to get an E. And of course, proceeded to Law School the year after.

Acceptance does not imply giving up. It does not mean acquiescing to every situation because "it is your destiny". 

It is more of controlling what is within your power to control. You cannot control how the wind blows but you can learn and understand why it blows in a particular way, and try to work with that.

In gaining acceptance of a particular situation,  you have got to question your feelings, your emotions and vulnerabilities towards that situation. You do this by acknowledging that situation instead of being in denial of it. it is also okay to seek help where you need to do so.

I believe acceptance also means that no matter what you do, there are people who will never warm up to you. Nor will you warm up to some people. Interrogating these feelings of dislike is worth a shot...being at peace is one of the best feelings ever.

It is letting go of who you think you are in order to focus on who exactly you are. Accepting yourself, warts and all. 

Developing a worth of yourself so that you can discover your weaknesses, focus on your strengths, then projecting those strengths as opposed to speaking to your weakness.

I have found this part to be really important because our brains tend to hold on to negativity. If someone were to say 10 good things about us and one negative thing, we will focus on that one negative thing.

We invest so much energy in what people think of us, this is not good or bad it just is and it is a human emotion.  By just acknowledging those parts of us that we think are "unworthy" and amplifying those parts we are happy with, can make all the difference.

I found a study on Mark's internet called the "appreciative study". This is the ability to appreciate things, identify our value and that of other human beings; and use those values to face difficulties challenges and other complex situations."

The ability to appreciate and value our place in this world by understanding our value and that of other people, in my view helps us to be not just more accepting of ourselves and the World at large, but also makes us happy(ier).

Shalom

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu 🌹

14052020

#Mywordfortoday is #Integrity

#Mywordfortoday is #integrity - challenging your beliefs.

Integrity is such a huge topic so, with your kind permission, I will take a small chunk out of it and attempt to write about that in a way that would resonate with many people reading this.

I was listening to a professor who said

" integrity is aligning your actions with your belief, conversely, not aligning your actions with your belief is hypocrisy".

The problem I have with this definition is; what if your belief is fundamentally wrong or your beliefs have changed?.

Many of us experience Imposter syndrome, in fact, it happens a good number of people.  Imposter syndrome is simply believing you are unworthy of the accolades you receive in the course of doing something. You just do not believe you are good enough. I personally suffered from it a lot until I had the conversation with myself "why do you think you're not good enough or why do you think Mr Lagbaja doing it is better at it than you are"?

Going back to that definition above, I have succeeded in ridding myself of the belief that I am not good enough, and by so doing, my beliefs have changed, they were also fundamentally wrong....could we then accuse me of hypocrisy? I think not.

So here is my perspective of what Integrity means. I will be talking about it as not just being a moral code which it is but in the light of what integrity does to the society.

How do you feel when a person makes a promise to you and fails to redeem that promise or goes back on his word? For many of us, it would make us feel really sad, bad or livid with anger, especially if that promise causes you to lose something valuable to you.

Society, businesses, familial relationships are all built on integrity. So for me, integrity is doing what you say you will do.  Yes, this definition is by far too simplified so let me give you relatable examples.

If a building loses its integrity, it loses its core and might collapse, if it does collapse, people may die. If a government loses integrity nothing that government says or do will garner any trust because people simply do not trust in the integrity of that government. If a person loses his integrity everything he or she says will not be believed.

Integrity is so much more than being honest because you can believe a thing to be true, you act on that truth and then it turns out that it was a lie.

Integrity is doing what you say you will do, without being prompted and even when it has become inconvenient. If you have to be prompted, cajoled, begged or harangued into fulfilling a promise, can we really say you acted with integrity?

You have also not acted in integrity if law enforcement forces you to do that which you should ordinarily do, such as pay your staff for the work that they have done, or paying your tax as part of your Civic responsibilities.

Integrity is not just a promise made to another person, it is also one to do yourself because if you would not keep a promise to yourself, how then could you keep to another?

Integrity is not a matter of your profession or occupation so you cannot claim to be a person of integrity simply because you are a person in authority or you are a pastor/Iman.

You make a promise and deliver on it without being prompted to do so. If for any reason you are unable to, you communicate your inability....this is my perspective of integrity.

In the business world, your ethics and reputation precede you. My people would say " word of mouth can travel to every part of the world.  Where your feet cannot go, words can be sent"...

Some people cannot get recommendations because they lack good track records and are deemed to be untrustworthy. 

Many of our artisans in Nigeria lack this valuable trait. From Tailors to mechanics to plumbers.  They would get paid for a job but would not deliver within the promised time, some not even at all. Some would deliver after so much pressure from you, and this can be very exhausting.

Integrity can also be used in amoral kind of settings. If a hired assassin must keep his supply of clients, his integrity to do as he says must be intact. He must deliver on the jobs given to him to do, There is after "all honour among Thieves".

Integrity helps society thrive from the angle of reciprocity. It is what birthed idioms such as "to whom much is given much is expected".

A person with integrity will respect other people's time, will be gracious, responsible, trustworthy and honest.

These things are not really easy to imbibe, but we must continue to try, our lives, business and society depend on it.

Bibire Ose Fowora

11052020

#Myworddortoday is #Dreams

My Word for today is #Dreams. I wrote this piece about two years ago. But everything I wrote remains sacrosanct.

This article is an upgrade to fit into my current realities. And it is a fitting end to this week's  #DailyWritingChallenge

The whole universe is filled with sayings about Dreams. Some people might call these saying cliché but they are true, and I am about to add my own set of clichés.

You see, a lot of people will die with their dreams unfulfilled, uncharted even, many will die with their dreams undefined......Since you are reading this today, will you allow me to stir your soul, to awaken your dreams?

Why you should dream:

1. Dreams are free, they literally cost you nothing.  Besides, your brain needs this wandering, it serves as a mental kind of workout. It has been scientifically proven that daydreaming is strongly tied to innovation,

2. Our minds typically move towards what it already knows, what it is already familiar with. And this is why you need to zero in on what your actual dreams are and begin to bombard your subconscious with those... In my own case, It had been my dream to speak at one of those prestigious Tedx conferences (still is 😊).  I wanted to speak on the big stage, to be a sought after public speaker.

So I began to flood my subconscious with these dreams. I even picked out my outfit, I think I was wearing a beautiful red turban to match my red lipstick.

I started preparing myself by watching public speaking videos, listening to people whom I admire speak and just generally learning how to improve myself whilst speaking.  Even though I didn't know where the opportunity to speak would come from, I just kept at it.

Also, I kept writing these random muses of mine, although it was more of a catharsis. I got my first writing gig from putting myself out there.

I do not know how, but that thing about the law of attraction is actually real. One morning at about 5 a.m, a friend of mine called me and asked if I could deliver a paper, my brain said yes before my mind could even catch up.

I got dressed, went for the training, it was one on leadership skills and I did it with such pizzazz and flair, you'd think I'd been doing it for years.

I thereafter got invited over and over again, in fact, I would usually receive messages from participants at my training saying "oh we loved your class", "your class was the best, thank you for the messages that you passed".

So please do not stop training your subconscious on your dreams whilst also preparing yourself, you never can tell when the opportunity to execute those dreams will open up to you. Executing your dreams is what differentiates you from being a mere daydreamer to an actualizer.

From when I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a Judge, I didn't understand how, where, when....maybe I read something (i was always reading things that do not concern me), I followed up by studying Law. That dream has been modified now though, Judges in Nigeria work too much, please. Lmao 😄

So, I settled for being a Barrister. And although I had many obstacles besetting this dream of becoming a Lawyer, I ploughed on nonetheless.

Like Colin Powell rightly said, "a dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, it takes determination and it takes hard work." Gbamsolutely (This is Nigerian speak for "aptly put") our dreams do not work unless we do.

So how can you make your dreams come alive? First, our dreams are a sum total of the consistent choices and decisions we make daily.

Aristotle once said "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Borrowing from this wise quote, we are what we do daily, so in order to fulfil our dreams, we must consistently take quality and intentional steps towards fulfilling them.

Second, you must realize it does not matter how old you are, your dreams are still valid, please begin to work on them. Age is no barrier.

Colonel Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken began the food business that culminated into KFC at the age of 40, he went from failure to failure but never gave up on his dreams, today KFC is a household name known almost everywhere. Friends, your dreams are valid!!!

Age does not have to defeat your dream, someone wise once said it is false to say people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing their dreams.

Dr A. P. J. Abdul Kalam, the former president of Indian once said, “Your dream is not what you see in sleep; your dream is that which keeps you from sleeping.”

Mark Zuckerberg had this giant dream of connecting people together all over the world, this dream gave birth to Facebook which for many of us has become indispensable. It wasn’t easy, it was serious hard work, but he did it.

We are in dire need of people who can dream dreams of things that never were.

Sounding a caveat here......whilst working on our dreams or aspirations, they may not move as fast as we think they should be, remember that the race is not given to the swift or the strong but to the enduring. Also, it is "your dream", it is not our "dream". Concentrate on your dreams and try to ignore distractions.

The third thing I would like for you to do is to observe social distancing from negative people because they always have a problem for every solution, they might rob you of the positive energy that you need.

Say ye to the naysayers of your dream “this little dream of mine, I am going to let it shine. Fam, don’t downgrade your dream just to fit anyone’s reality; and please don’t ever give up on your dreams.

Train your subconscious on those dreams and then get ready.

By the way, your dream does not have to start out being big (yes, people say if your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough), that may be correct. But begin to have those dreams first and then start magnifying them. Little drops of dreaming Folks, little drops.

This article is still dedicated to my chief Encourager, Shakirat Alade, I love you, Momma, bigly.

Keep your dreams ALIVE, be realistic about them and apply deadlines  (i.e. work hard, work smart, work tirelessly on your dreams).

Did you hear what Farrah Gray said? 👇👇👇👇👇👇

“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.”

Peace!!!

My name is Bibire Ose Fowora (Pedigree cannot be bought or Class cannot be bought with Money).

And l hope to tell stories for a living.....

#Mywordfortoday is assuming #Responsibility: power of YOU

#Mywordfortoday is assuming #Responsibility: power of YOU

The overall theme of our daily writing challenge is value-based. And I just love how all of it ties up together.

Today's theme is "Responsibility. Can you assume responsibility if you lack self-respect? Can you take responsibility if you are unwise?

The one thing that runs through it all is the power of YOU. You are the one to take charge of your life.

If each of us would understand that the buck of assuming responsibility stops at the table of each of us, perhaps the world will become better for it.

Words are very powerful and this is why today I chose to use "assume responsibility".  We find that some people want to play victim to the very circumstances they themselves have created, in the words of my Nigerian people "kole werk- it can't work". If you must succeed at a thing, you have to assume responsibility for that thing.

I watched a video on goalcast where a Navy SEAL who had spent 36 years in service said that as young Navy SEALs, they were required to make the beds to perfection. For them at the time, it seemed a little ridiculous but they had no choice but to obey.

The wisdom of completing this one mundane task became apparent to them, because after awhile, it felt like they were taking responsibility for their lives by accomplishing that one little task.

It also reinforced to them that the little things in life matter, for if you cannot do the little things right, you will never be able to do the big things right.

These little things do add up, they become trickles, and in time become big damning dams.

How does this tie into our daily theme? If you have to change any corner of the world, you must practice taking responsibility for your own actions. You will not be able change anything, if you will not change yourself first.

There are many things outside our control.  We do not have control over how we were born, the family we were born into, who our siblings and our relatives are. My people have the ability to stop the rain from falling, so I guess we have partial control over this . I'm not joking. 😂

The things we cannot control, we cannot control however the things that we can control, we should control, while exercising balance of course.

The choice of whom to associate with, of whom we marry, how we raise balanced children etc. these are some of things that are within our control.

And the truth of the matter is that our actions or inactions have a bearing on the world at large. We serve as a moral compass for our children; our decisions, behaviour and ethos are mirrored in them. Children are wont to do as you do, and not as you say.

A parent who would ignore school parking regulations is teaching his child(ren) to be irresponsible and unmindful of other people.

A leader who is diverting monies meant for the Commonwealth of his people is saying to them " stealing is fine".

Covid-19 would not have shut the world down if leaders took responsibility early enough, but here we are everyone is suffering from the irresponsibility of a few. This is why the power of one person cannot be underestimated. 

True, one tree does not a forest make, but it is one tree that begins a forest.

My hope is that the many lessons brought on by this pandemic is being assimilated, so we do not descend into hobbesian chaos.

When a person who is supposed to assume responsibility neglects to do so, the ripple effect may be felt for ages. History is replete with the with examples of how one person began a catastrophic event, that swallowed up millions of people.

Why is assuming responsibility so difficult for us Could it be ego? Upbringing? or that we see ourselves as being better than others?

I haven't been able to answer these questions, but I do know that we should endeavour to inculcate these values into our children/wards from the earliest time that they can absorb it.

We should teach them by doing. We should teach them critical thinking because how does one assume responsibility for a thing if you were not taught to "never to leave out the part where you messed up"? If you were never taught that "other people are not a failed version of You"- Amy Johnson.

Teaching our younglins to think critically saves them from negative cognitive bias, which in turn save them from "subjective reality" that can hamper their ability to assume responsibility for their behaviours and the consequences that is certain to follow.

It is trite that we are free to make our choices but we are not free from the consequences of those choices.

In assuming personal responsibility, we will make mistakes.  Mistakes are a humanish kind of thing, there is no shame in that. We should strive to not be ashamed to owning up to those mistakes,  also we should try repair same. Why?

"We repeat what we do not repair."

History may not always be right, but it can serve as a guide on how to make amends. After all a wise person not only learns from his mistakes but also from that of others.

If we do not begin to take ownership of our behaviours, we stand a chance of losing the people who are dear to us. It could be our partner, spouse, children or even our subordinate(s) at work.

Yes, giving up our beliefs, ideas or our ways of doing things maybe a tad difficult for some of us, but if we do not learn and understand that a coin has two faces, what faces me backs another person, what I am seeing from that same one coin differs from what you are seeing, then we will lose the respect and maybe love of those who matter to us.

Taking ownership of one's behaviour is truly one of the most important factors in defining a person's true character.

What you should not do is develop a false sense of responsibility. I sometimes watch the Indian channel Zee World, and I am appalled at the goal post shifting and impossible standards,  they hold their daughters-in-law to.

Watching a movie about a people can sometimes give an inkling into how that Society is wired. In those movies, it is never the fault of the man that he is behaving irrationally, it is always the fault of the woman. "why didn't she bring him peace", "why did she give him tea"--- AMAZING. 🙄😒🤡

Authority figures such as parents, guardians, and bosses often blame dependents for things they are fundamentally responsible for, and by so doing, they create a very toxic dysfunctional environment.

A well-balanced individual would never be able to thrive in an environment where the superior is unable to take responsibility, and is quick to pass blames onto the subordinates.

Where a child was a victim of sexual or other abuses, they tend to blame themselves for that abuse or mistreatment. It does not help that the abuser constantly reiterates to them that they are to blame for the abuse. "They grew round beautiful breasts to entice them", "they have shapely ankles".😭😓🙄

These children grow up to be emotionally needy and dysfunctional, normalizing abuse well into adulthood.

If you are a victim of this vicious circle, please know that you are not to blame and you should not be ashamed to seek help.

You cannot successfully assume personal responsibility if you do not first break away from this unhealthy pattern.

Pandering to the unhealthy behaviour of your spouse, partner, parents or boss is not assuming responsibility ( it is called co-dependency) and it will continue as long as you allow it to continue.

You, my darling are the game changer, change that game now!!!

By the way, would you make your bed tomorrow? As you make your bed......

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu 🌹🍀

07052020

#Mywordfortoday is #beingauthentic

#Mywordfortoday is #beingauthentic

I had written this post about a month ago, but it is sooooooo fitting for today's #dailywritingchallenge. I have freshened it up.😉

My second name should be "Joie de Vivre". As a young lady, I was very outspoken and was given to speaking very bluntly. 

But I was also impressionable, and I tried to suppress my personality as I was being formed by opinions and personalities of people I was impressed with.

But I never really fitted in anywhere, in cliques i.e. having loads of girls to vibe with, sort of being in a sorority and the likes. I, however, masqueraded, striving to find acceptance, and exhausting myself in the process.

I soon realized that I didn't like cliques very much....so I'd choose a lone friend who of course had their own "geng". I recently discovered that being an outlier could be attributed to the fact I am sanguine and also a southpaw (cool beans 😎).

When I turned 40, I realized I had been wasting my very fine personality (I know, quite silly to have wasted all that time) on trying to fit in 😒😏, when I was an outlier.

I became fascinated with me... Joie de Vivre (French, pronunciation: Zhuwa de viv) is the joy of living, the sheer excitement of being alive... I don't enjoy parties, they bore me, but I love life, I love reading, I love writing. I am very enthusiastic about living a full rich life.....I am still outspoken, albeit tempered now, I have become more diplomatic.

This is my superpower, living my life on my own terms, no pressure. I am a Joie de Vivran 🥳🥳

Have you discovered your superpower? Your voice, your identity?

Now, COVID19 has us camped in a sort of house arrest with ourselves and maybe our family/friend(s) for company, it's a great avenue to know you intensely and love you deeply.

This lockdown is a great time to interrogate your feelings about the stuff that makes you hurt or uncomfortable, also question your imposter syndrome (like, why are you here Madame? 😅).

If you interrogate your feelings and you do not like the person that you are, congratulations.  You have now become self-aware and take steps to rewire yourself.

Being authentic does not mean being a perfectionist, in fact, it is the perfect antithesis

This is because the idea of perfectionism varies from person to person. And frankly, as human beings, life can get messy and spiral out of control. The best that we can do is adapt to the circumstances.

If we do not, we expose ourselves to unnecessary pain and suffering.

It makes me laugh though when people say "don't try to be others, there is only one you", I beg to differ, you can REFINE yourself to whatever you want as long as you are not deceiving yourself.

Many of us have discovered a side of us that we did not even realize we had. Some of us are baking/cooking, some have taken to tailoring, some, a love for gardening, some of us have realised we have a gift for coding, public speaking, content curation etc.

Bad habits can be and are learned, therefore good ones too are learnable. Surround yourself with people whose values you best want to copy (thank goodness for social media).

Assume complete responsibility for your life by owning up to your weakness/mistakes (working on them) and amplifying your strengths.

Cheers to fine-tuning yourself, cheers to being genuinely happy with whom you have made of yourself.

Cheers to an authentic you.

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu🌹🍀

06052020

#MyWordfortoday is #Respect

#Mywordfortoday is #Respect

In my word for today on practical wisdom read here https://bit.ly/3b6jXhl, I wrote about growing up among our elders who would use Proverbs to teach us wisdom.

Many of these Proverbs also taught respect.

Respect for yourself, your elders, your family name, our gods, for animals, and even the environment.

Respect is such a highly placed value that they'll even teach us that you do not need to like a person to show them respect and kindness.  You did so because it was the right (cultured) thing to do.

Our traditional ways weren't perfect, of course, because sometimes respect was not reciprocated. If an Elder offends you, you'd be made to apologize, if you offend an Elder,  you will also apologize 😭.

This, of course, gave rise to an illusion of rudeness because as we grew up, the unfairness of such a  system became galling and some of us, some brave ones began to "rebel" (for want of a better word.) Anyway, this is gist for another day 🤓

At the top of the respect, hierarchy is self-respect aka self-regard, aka self-preservation. My people ( I am a sweet Yoruba Angel from southwest Nigeria) were wont to say "knowing one's Worth is the height of wisdom, one who refuses to respect himself would become an object of abject ridicule".

They will also say "the respected visitor is one who enters into a town and carries himself with respect".  My people place such a high premium on self-respect going by the number of Proverbs on same and the constant harping on knowing your worth and respecting yourself.

But what is respect? I have found that the term means different things to different people. So in defining respect, we've got to take into consideration the different beliefs, views and perception of different tribes and cultures in many parts of the world.

What is normal in my part of the world is probably abnormal in other climes. 

In SW Nigeria, we go on our knees for females, and prostate for males to greet persons older than we are. Respect is a doing word, something that is shown by actions.

A respectful woman in Nigeria is typically one who does not address her husband by name,  probably kneels down to give him food and would not call her husband's relatives and siblings by their given names.

I remember a rather mischievous tweet of mine (see a screenshot above) that generated a lot of furore among our Men folk. I was basically saying that kneeling down to show respect, a rather perfunctory act in my view, for my husband, is not really an indication of being respectful, and that I believed that kindness, civility, being selfless was a better way of showing respect.

In the final analysis, respect is earned, not shown. I respect our cultural practices, but respect should not be used as a smokescreen to disrespect another.

Respect yourself enough to remove yourself from people and practices that take away your peace and well-being. This includes your habits, be it sleeping, eating, working out and negative people.

Respect the environment by treating her with care (oh btw, I am also an environmental enthusiast) because what you give, you get back, perhaps double.  Respect the living things, plants, animals we share a symbiotic relationship. If bees become extinct, the effects will be catastrophic.

Respect other people, their ethos and their space. Like I said before our normals differ.

Respect is reciprocal.....Disrespect? 😅😅😅

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu🌹🍀

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