Thursday, 14 May 2020

#Mywordfortoday is #Acceptance

#MyWordfortoday is #Acceptance: Understanding your value helps you to know and understand the value of people, situations and things.

In 2003, whilst preparing to go to Law School, my academic world at the time came crashing down. I found out that but I had failed a very crucial course without which I would be unable to proceed with my classmates to Law School. 

In 2001 I reached my left hand (I'm a south-paw) to acknowledge my name to a law lecturer and he was livid with anger he said that I was disrespectful and rude, I apologized and the matter is saying it was over.

Fast-forward to 2003 I discovered that I had failed that course and with it my admission to law school that year. I don't think I have ever cried the way I cried that day, I cried so much that I began to fall ill.

After much consideration, accusations and counter-accusations, I got cleared by the Faculty of Law to proceed to Law School in Kano, Nigeria. Some weeks after that,  the Senate at my university decided that they could not waive that course as it was a core course. I was asked to return and take that 300 level course again.

When I got that letter, I just fast-forwarded to the last stage of grief, acceptance. I had fought every step of the way to get admitted into law school over a year I caused an investigation to be opened into the matter and I was finally allowed to go to Law School and as I was just getting settled BAM, it was withdrawn.

I just cleaned my pretty eyes and summoned the strength I wasn't aware that I had and went to join 300 level students in order to retake the course.

I had told this story before......see here  I am telling it again because I knew that I was culpable in the event that happened. Although I was robbed of that opportunity that year, the part I played in the robbery cannot be glossed over.

In life, in order to be at peace with oneself, you must accept the part you played in an event. Many of us tend to gloss over the part where we messed up, choosing instead to blame every other person.

In my view, acceptance is simply being aware of our emotions particularly as it affects the things we have no power of changing. Acceptance usually comes up in uncomfortable, sometimes hateful situations that we find ourselves.

In my story, I chose to be at peace instead of being frustrated at the turn of events. I studied hard, I was always in the library, I came to do what I ought to have done in the beginning.  

At the end of that year,  I got an A+ in the course that I hitherto struggled to get an E. And of course, proceeded to Law School the year after.

Acceptance does not imply giving up. It does not mean acquiescing to every situation because "it is your destiny". 

It is more of controlling what is within your power to control. You cannot control how the wind blows but you can learn and understand why it blows in a particular way, and try to work with that.

In gaining acceptance of a particular situation,  you have got to question your feelings, your emotions and vulnerabilities towards that situation. You do this by acknowledging that situation instead of being in denial of it. it is also okay to seek help where you need to do so.

I believe acceptance also means that no matter what you do, there are people who will never warm up to you. Nor will you warm up to some people. Interrogating these feelings of dislike is worth a shot...being at peace is one of the best feelings ever.

It is letting go of who you think you are in order to focus on who exactly you are. Accepting yourself, warts and all. 

Developing a worth of yourself so that you can discover your weaknesses, focus on your strengths, then projecting those strengths as opposed to speaking to your weakness.

I have found this part to be really important because our brains tend to hold on to negativity. If someone were to say 10 good things about us and one negative thing, we will focus on that one negative thing.

We invest so much energy in what people think of us, this is not good or bad it just is and it is a human emotion.  By just acknowledging those parts of us that we think are "unworthy" and amplifying those parts we are happy with, can make all the difference.

I found a study on Mark's internet called the "appreciative study". This is the ability to appreciate things, identify our value and that of other human beings; and use those values to face difficulties challenges and other complex situations."

The ability to appreciate and value our place in this world by understanding our value and that of other people, in my view helps us to be not just more accepting of ourselves and the World at large, but also makes us happy(ier).


Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu 🌹

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