#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

#MyWordForToday is #Leadership

So much has been written on leadership and leadership skills. I very much doubt that there's anything I want to write about today that you haven't heard before.

But have you read leadership from my own point of view? No?  let's talk about my view of leadership.

In these dark and uncertain times, we need to understand that the styles of leadership must evolve. We must look for better ways of connecting with each other in order to create a greater community.

The cool thing about leadership is that the style is not the same for everyone.  And, your title does not make you a leader; your influence and impact on others is what does the job.

So, whether you are referred to as a leader or not, please be aware that someone somewhere is paying attention to the choices you make.  Not only are they paying attention, but some are also been led by those choices.

Like I always say,  a lot of destinies are tied to yours. Some of these destinies are unknown to you but the choices you make or making are so far-reaching that they are touching lives around the globe.

It is so profound that the life you may touch may yet be unborn. I have never met Maya Angelou, and she definitely wasn't aware of my existence, but I have learnt so much from her leadership style.

I am careful to create my style of leadership from compassion, empathy, humanity and humility.

I've also taught myself to self-lead, therefore, I will never be able to direct any of my team members to do stuff that I am unwilling or unable to do.

I have been scorned many times for my leadership style, but I have also been appreciated. I learnt not to take this scorn personally, of course, it stings to be scorned. I, however, chose to see it as a lesson and therefore took it as feedback instead of criticism.

As a leader, you would be one who is emotionally in touch with yourself. When you become emotionally intelligent, you are on your way to being called a leader.

I am not even halfway there but I am learning, adapting, and making allowances. I have always said and reiterated that there's no such thing as "bad" leadership you are either a leader or not. Periodt 😎

All those adjectives such as weak, ineffective etc are anomalous and cannot sit side-by-side with leadership. Like I earlier said, your title is not a determinant.

Being a leader does not suggest that you have it all figured out, it certainly does not mean that you know it all.

It does, however, mean that you are possessed of such self-confidence that allows you to bring others to your point of view,  but you're also humble enough to learn that which is outside of your expertise.

All too often, we see "leaders" that are not only closed up to other people's perspectives but are also prisoners of theirs. Inflexible, unyielding, belligerent to other viewpoints, unwilling to see their team members as possessing any kind of intelligence.

I worked with someone who would always tell us at meetings that "you don't think".

Belittling your team or thinking that you are higher in intelligence is an unintelligent way of leading anyone, even the children from your womb.  It is the worst kind of way to lead.

As a leader, although you project self-confidence, secure in your own strength, you want to also actively discourage groupthink or go-alongnism. You want to encourage healthy debates.

And this is why I say as a leader, you must never surround yourself with sycophants.  You must like Sara Canaday said, "purposely disrupt your own thinking, and challenge your own ideas" by surrounding yourself with people who are willing to point out your weak or blind spots to you.

I did do a post about blind spots, please find time to read. I am of the view that it is very important that as leaders, we are aware of our blind spots and we work towards eliminating those.

You cannot do this by yourself. A candle although brightens the room is unable to give itself light.

Leadership this way does not infer that you would not be assertive. What it means is that you are secure in your own strength and working on your weaknesses.

Leadership starts with YOU and ME, of course.

Would you be willing to tell me what your idea of leadership is?

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Tolerance

#MyWordForToday is #Tolerance. 

Do I really want to write about tolerance? No,  not really and this is why.

Tolerance is a nice-sounding word with a beautiful dictionary meaning. Whereas, it is, in fact, a little derogatory.

It is very derogatory because it does not teach value and respect. When you tolerate something, especially a person, opinion, culture or orientation, you do that perhaps out of societal expectations, upbringing, or maybe just pure human decency.

One of the synonyms for tolerance is resignation. Resigning to accepting a person because it is socially acceptable to do so.

None of us wants to be in situations where we (our opinions, feelings etc) are not valued, loved or acknowledged as human beings but merely tolerated.

We all have our prejudices, in fact, many of us suffer from confirmation bias (we actively look for experiences and evidence that back up those prejudices).

Perhaps the best example for what I am saying is Racism and its siblings (tribalism, ethnicism religious-ism; beg your pardon to coin this word).

Each race believes itself to be superior to the other, same for ethnic and religious groups. We are then taught to tolerate the other races/religion/ ethnic groups in order for peace to reign in our communities.

I really have no answers or solutions to proffer to these ills that are plaguing us.   I do not know how we came by this feeling of superiority towards others.

Perhaps if we went back in time, we could pinpoint how ethnicism and other cisms began.  Perhaps this will help us to figure out how to cure this malaise that is causing so much strife in the world today.

As a black Nigerian woman, I've had to face all of the isms at one point or other in my life so I am all too aware of the pain, first, of not being accepted, and then merely tolerated in a very badly disguised facade. There is no true respect in being tolerated.  

I, however, believe (even though I do not like it) that perhaps tolerance is the first step to take towards embracing others.

Perhaps, there is no way to fully accept/ embrace a person if you have not had a chance of meeting with them mentally and understanding that there's no real difference between us human beings.

Each human has red Blood running in our veins and our skeletons are always white.

I feel more than a little sad writing this blog because I do not think this post will make any difference to people who are committed to their prejudices.

It is tragic that these prejudices are usually formed on nothing concrete, but mainly on what they have been told, on confirmation bias and which forms the basis of their interaction with others.

What do we do when people do not fit into the boxes society has set for them? Tolerate them? Or embrace them without caveats?

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Clarity

#MyWordForToday is #Clarity

Sometimes life throws raw eggs on our figurative windscreens, and our first natural instinct would usually be to use our wipers to clear it off.

This would be a grave mistake because using your wiper to clear off eggs from any windscreen would impair or even totally block your vision.

How does this apply to #MyWordForTheDay? Seeking clarity in areas of our lives requires that we do stuff that will not block our vision.

What is clarity? When I was about 25 or so years old,  I had a terrible breakout of acne all over my face. In fact, I had an episode that made me stay indoors for weeks. I was unable to step out of my house because of those disfiguring spots on my face.

My cousin eventually told me of Oxy10 and glycerine, and these helped me clear up the acne. I also used a clarifying lotion to smoothen it up. People who saw me afterwards marvelled at how pretty my face had become.  

This could only have happened because I had succeeded in clarifying my skin and so my beautiful face could shine forth.

Clarity,  whether of the face, the Vision or of our purposes in life is very important. We have often said one of the best things you can do for yourself is to know and understand your purpose in life.

I want to believe many of us have read "The Alchemist" by Paul Coello. One of the most profound lessons therein for me is "realizing your purpose and living it to the fullest, each day of your life".

In order to do justice to this blog post on clarity,  a talk about purpose is inevitable. Purpose,  to many people, sounds like a really terrifying concept. 😊 It doesn't have to be.

I'm going to demystify it by simply referring to it as "your message". So, purpose = your message to the World.

In the blog post, I did on personal branding, I identified one way to decipher what your message to the world is. Please check through my blog for that post.

The Bible also did say "wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure", meaning “your message” is where you spend most of your time, your interests, stuff that keeps you going, where your heart is.

I had said before that it is important to identify your message, but what is even more important is clarifying that message. This means that you have to keep evolving and honing your message until it becomes synonymous with your name.

Mother Theresa was anonymous with kind acts of charity,  Jack Ma with e-commerce, Michael Jackson with best-selling dance and music.

These folks have carefully cultivated and clarified their brands up to the point that their names come up in connection with those things I'd mentioned.

Going back to the analogy of the raw egg on the windshield, you must understand that although clarity comes by taking hold of your message and finetuning it,  how you do so is very crucial. Using your wiper is doing the right thing in a wrong way, because rather than clear your vision, the wipers will totally blind you.

Thankfully, there are many resources you can deploy to get clarity on your message. Seek for the right kind of help whilst remembering that your vision is not just about you, and so you must be very intentional about your how.

I sent a blog post of mine to a friend and asked if he thought I could publish it as a book, he responded by saying, the best way to know is to publish it. I will get the feedback that I need, and this will go a long way in helping me clarify my vision.

Having an unclarified message ( I say this because some of us have multiple messages) is akin to having many tabs open on your PC, this slows the PC down,  thereby reducing its ability to work optimally. No matter how great your message is, leaving it directionless will cripple it.

My old Boss was often wont to say " direction is more important than speed". 

In my case,  self-leadership is an intrinsic part of my message, this means that more than anything else, I value growth and everyone with a growth mindset, it is a core value for me. And I have set about clarifying my message along these lines.

If you have read my write-ups, you would see that they are all centred around "self". It is my unshaken belief that change begins from me; if I cannot change myself, how do I change the world?


What would you like you and your personal brand to be synonymous with?  Therein lies your message. Clarify it.


"Let your light shine before others ".

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💕💌
(Neither Pedigree nor Class can be bought with Money).

#MyWordForToday is #Safety.

"I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, oh Lord, only makes me dwell in safety."

Psalms 4:8 KJV

#MyWordForToday is #Safety.

So much is happening in the Y2020, so much has happened, it feels like we have lived an entire year.

Due to the deadly COVID-19, many of us fear for our health and those of our loved ones, because of the alleged racially motivated killing of George Floyd, many of us fear for the lives and businesses of ourselves and loved ones.

In Nigeria, we are facing a rape pandemic, institutionalized harassment and defilement of women. In the past few days, we have had reports of young vibrant women, raped and brutally murdered. Both in places, where we think are "safe place".

More alarming are the excuses put forward by fellow human beings for these dastardly acts, where is our compassion, where is our empathy? It is all very overwhelming. 

As a Christian, there are many resources in the Bible to turn to, especially if the challenges we face are things we cannot control nor help, it is a veritable source of comfort. "but the Lord only makes us dwell in safety". 

For you will not be able to comfort others if you are yourself in a state of pain. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

What is safety? I think of it as a refuge from the vagaries of the world. A place, whether physical or otherwise that we can hide in when it all becomes too much. In my case, I seek refuge in prayers, on my knees, weeping my heart out, seeking a sort of release from the pain.

This, however, may not work for everyone, but it is imperative for each of us to have a hiding place when the World becomes too much to bear.

The concept of safety has over the years saved women from domestic violence, saved Africa (of all heritages) from a certain ruin, saved people of dissenting views from those who wish to crush their rebellion.

It seems the human race needs saving from itself because it seems we are intent on obliterating ourselves from the face of the Earth. We tamper with the environment causing it to overheat, we abuse the animals destroying the symbiotic relationship that helps to keep the circle of life going.

We hate ourselves for things that are beyond our control. Protests, rioting, have become commonplace because each new day brings another level of hate.

Perhaps what is most annoying is how we masquerade, sending love and light, accepting to be protectors of sorts but using that facade to hurt others.

This post is a cry for help, our safety depends on one another. We cannot guard against what we cannot see, and so we need a hand whenever danger lurks by. 

Ubuntu is a Nguni South African saying that I have interpreted as "without you, there is no me". A Nigerian Yoruba adage also says "one hand is inadequate to lift a heavy load unto the head".

Being a safe place is not just physical, it is spiritual, it is virtual. Kudos to those being safe places for others. Guarding them against marauders and stealers of peace.

It is appalling that a woman of any age is not safe, her only crime is being born with a vagina. This makes her a target for a person carried in the womb of a woman, and most likely, born out of that same vagina.

At the moment, all we have are ourselves, and God. But God is not going to come down, He has given us the freedom and power of choice.  So what are you doing to keep others safe?

Are you a safe place?

Bibire Omotoyosi Salihu

04062020

#Mywordfortoday is "The miseducation of #Pride".

#Mywordfortoday is The miseducation of #Pride.

My word today is a mouthful because Pride, alongside its first cousin Rebellion, also gets a very bad rap.

We are miseducated about pride because over the years, we have used hubris and arrogance interchangeably with pride.

We have also consistently depicted humility as being the direct opposite of pride, and so, we are tempted to think that to place our weaknesses before people is a form of humility.

No it is not.

Some leadership styles also think that we can’t be humble and confident at the same time. Perhaps it is due to phrases like "pride goes before a fall" portraying pride as being a vice, and not a virtue

A genuinely confident leader is humble at his/her core. He/She does not have to be arrogant to lead. If you are tempted to lead with arrogance, what you are doing is simply “De-Marketing Yourself”.

Pride, like many concepts has a smorgasbord of flavours. In my humble 😋 view, positive pride is an emotional result of succeeding at a thing.

Pride is inbuilt in us, operating as a sort of reward button when we achieve some stuff we set out to do.

The Bible in Genesis records that when God looked over all he had made, he saw that it was very good. God takes pride in his creations, why shouldn't we do the same?

Whatever you do in this one life that you have come, please do not belittle yourself, do not underrate yourself, do not smile deprecatingly whilst telling someone “I am not too good at this or that”, instead smile with confidence and discuss what you are good at.

Nobody has it all together, we are struggling with one thing or the other, those persons you look up to, those whom you live a portion of your life by their spoken values, those you put on pedestals and you marvel at their brilliance all have their struggles.

And it will shock you that you have some virtues, some values that they also are hoping to emulate or have. As a matter of fact, when people know the chink in your armor, they will use it against you in ways that may badly hurt you.

Belittling or underrating yourself under the guise of being humble is a form of low self - esteem. Speaking low of yourself is not humility, and taking pride in your achievements is not arrogance.

I am on a mission to teach young women to positively showcase themselves, put themselves forward and not hide behind the veneer of humility.

As I share these thoughts, I am equally speaking to myself:  Bibire, focus on your strengths, work on your weaknesses and take pride in your work if you want to fulfill your potentials.

“You will attract more good into your own life if you invest in taking pride in yourself and positively Marketing Yourself."

One of the secrets of Great Men and Women is that they promote themselves shamelessly.

You call it Pride, we call It Marketing and We Call you; The Guy or Girl with low Self-Esteem”

Do not de-market yourself, it is not a form of Humility.

Bibire ose Fowora💋

(Pedigree cannot be bought or Class cannot be bought with Money)

#Mywordfortoday is #ImposterSyndrome

#Mywordfortoday is #ImposterSyndrome

Have you ever experienced a feeling of being inadequate, a feeling that makes you doubt your own competence and accomplishments? 

A feeling that makes you self sabotage yourself many times. Don't worry you are not alone, these feelings of self-doubt are shockingly common. 

Oyinbo people call it the "imposter-syndrome"...IS can make you feel that you only succeeded at a thing because of luck and not because of your ability. I used to think, albeit erroneously that it was nature's way of ensuring that we do not become narcissistic. 

I have now found that it is a psychological challenge and it happens to the best of us. 

Let me use myself as an illustration, writing is a sort of catharsis for me, but no matter how many times people tell me, "oh I loved that write up of yours", I still feel like I do not measure up.

I lately found out that I had such a high opinion of what writing should be like and I sought for that, not realizing that each person's talent is different. 

The way we express ourselves is peculiar to each person and you should never measure yourself against what the World chooses. This is very important 

If there's no place for your sort of talent, create it, you have absolutely nothing to lose, yea your ego will be bruised (If you fail), but so what? Egos are made to be bruised 😂😫. (Gospel according to Bibire)

My old Boss was wont to say, it is not what you do not have that is the issue, it is what you have that you are not utilizing...this is the crux of the matter.

So while it is good to seek for refinement, it is important to continually express your talent, this is the only way to get better at it. 

Like I said in my earlier post, if you do not like who you are, create another you, whilst still retaining your core. 

Start by knowing that you do not have just have one identity, NO YOU DO NOT.

 Each area of your life may bear a different identity - being a Mom, in your finances, business, happiness, at work, faith, fitness and so on. This means that at every point, you are a work in progress.

And this is why I tell people, you may never be able to predict what you'd do in a given circumstance. So when I hear people say, it can never be me... I just chuckle. 

Anyways, If you want to refine any aspect of your life, you have to shift your thinking.

This shift starts with the way you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself, but the biggest, most impactful way to refine your talent and by implication, your life is through your associations.

Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

The cliché of “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future" is not a mere platitude.

But more importantly, the worth you place on you is absolutely crucial, why? You’ll never get more out of life than what you think you’re worth.

 

 Surround yourself with people who are doing better than you in those specific areas.

Thankfully,  In this social media era, the company you seek do not have to be your Friends, read widely, listen to impactful podcasts, and Youtube videos AND  then take action on what you have learnt or read.

Many times, when you go on IG, you see charlatans masquerading as makeup artistes, but those people are waaaay better than you because they have taken action and if they persist, they will get better at their craft.

The only way to deal with imposter syndrome is to continue to do....and when you get discouraged, look at how well you did in the past.

Also you can borrow this hack from Modupe Odele "Imagine that everyone is also an imposter" 😃

Leaving you with this quote i stole on Mark's internet

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”— Anonymous

Cheers to a better YOU 😘 and ME of course. 

Bibire Ose Fowora

P.S. Many of my writeups are directed at me, but if you found parts of it useful, 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Bibireosefowora 💋

#mywordfortoday #impostersyndrome