#MyWordForToday is #Meaning

#MyWordForToday is #Meaning

"What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare."- William Henry Davies (1911)

I learnt this poem 35 years ago, as a 7year old girl in Primary School. How I still recall a large portion of it remains a mystery to me. 

But when I started reflecting on this theme "Meaning".... this poem came swimming back to my consciousness. 

What indeed is this life? If we care too much about the rat race of life, where is the time to smell the roses? Where is the time to be happy doing absolutely nothing? 

Before the Covid-19 pandemic, many of us were furiously living life, from one meeting to another as was done in 1911. Running doggedly to meet a deadline at work etc. Suddenly, everything came to a grinding halt. 

All activities were shut down. No more busy, but being unproductive. We slowly went back to the state of affairs as described longingly in that poem I quoted above.

I feel like the reason we were all scurrying around in the name of work is that for many of us, our greatest fear is to live a life where you just die off like smoke.

I know this to be true for me. I have oftentimes woken up from sleep and tried to make meaning of my why. Why am I here? Am I going to pass through life without leaving any legacy? No impact? 

A life lived without purpose. Yorubas call this "a person who lived like a snake that slithers over a rock and makes no impact".

A snake that passes over a rock leaves no indentation or marks. It is almost as if he/she was never here.

Sometimes, there is a feeling in my soul telling me I am not in alignment with the universe. 

There is an aching emptiness that demands to be filled. I took to writing to fill this ache, but my soul yearns for more. (Hey look, I wrote a poem 😀).

Some people have found their whys and are living their best lives, while some of us are held back either by fear, or self-limiting beliefs. 

Some of these beliefs are cultural i.e. emanating from the cultural beliefs of our tribes. Some are just walls, we have over time built in our minds, in order to avoid crushing disappointments. 

If you are like me, wanting to impact your World, let us foray into the Japanese concept of Ikigai.

I'm fascinated by the Asians. They have dedicated a large portion of their lives, to studying life and its meaning. 

Ikigai is Japanese for "a reason for being".

The purpose for which we are here, it tries to help us find the true meaning for our being here on earth, and refers to a union of four essential ingredients of life.

I have classified these in the ways I can best relate. 

Passion: The things that light me up from the inside;

Gift: The skills and abilities that are unique to me;

Mission: How I can help enrich other people's lives using my passion and my gifts; and

Vocation: What the World can pay me for.

I would have fulfilled my Ikigai (my reason for being) if I can get all four to conjoin or intersect with each other.

Therefore, if you can find pleasure and satisfaction in what you do (passion), you're good at it (gift), you impact or enrich other people's lives (mission) and you're paid for it (vocation) you may have found your ikigai. 💃

All of these are scientifically proven to help one live happy lives. I remember reading about a lady missionary who came to a country in Africa, battled with Malaria and all sorts of diseases, but persisted. She died in Africa, in the arms of the children that she loved so much.

It didn't make much sense to me at the time, but now it does. She seemed to have found her ikigai. Doing what she loved in spite of all the difficulties.

You will notice that getting paid is listed last, I believe it is because money though important and necessary, will not make you happy if the other three components are missing.

Finding our ikigai might not be easy. It will take deep diving to the innermost parts of our souls and examining those parts we might loathe to go.

Also, I do not know if I have whetted your appetite enough to get you to want to understand your Ikigai. 

I am dedicated to ikigai-ing this one life that I have come, not as a " Sokoto Red Goat or Grass 😂 (at least they are fulfilling their purposes). I will give meaning to this life.

Leaving you with these words by Howard Thurman: 

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Stability

#MyWordForToday is #Stability

Human beings are perhaps the only animals that actively crave for stability, and would do almost everything to gain that. 

Other animals are usually in constant motion, foraging for food, shelter, safety etc. Once they are unable to find these in a location, they will disrupt their current circumstances, to go in search of greener pastures. 

You see, life is about change. You can be stable in a place, or a set of circumstances for years, and BOOM, everything changes. Your life, as you know it becomes turned upside down.

Many of us know this because we often mouth the phrase "the only constant thing in life is change".

This, however, does not stop us from craving stability. I do believe it is a basic human need, and we all have to be stable in order to thrive.

It is the stability of both the Sun and Moon that enables us to plan for the future and perhaps live normal lives.

Stability can then mean achieving "a state of equilibrium", "a life that is not prone to fluctuations". It can also mean living a "calm and tranquil life".

Stability is particularly important for children, because a lot of adult problems stem from issues encountered, and unresolved, from childhood.

I was saying on my Twitter the other day that Michael Jackson had everything. Fame,  fortune, the adulation of many people, but he was also intensely unhappy.

When I wondered out loud about this, lots of people were of the opinion, that there were issues unresolved from his childhood, stemming perhaps,  from being thrust into stardom, so early in life. 

Children in war-torn places around the world live such tragic lives, and it is so painful to watch.

In Nigeria, we have children who are suffering from a disruption of their childhood because of the unrest in those parts of the Country. 

These children are put in "Internally-displaced Persons Camps" and referred to as IDPs. Some of them have lost their homes, some both parents, and everything their lives were. 

All sorts of unimaginable things happen in those places, and I cannot begin to imagine what life holds for these poor children if they become adults in those circumstances. In fact, as it is, life is already tortuous and unstable.

It is funny that stability, although very important may deprive one of being resilient. The phrase "a ship is safe in harbour, but this is not what ships are built for" resonates here.

We will never grow resilient if we remain in the harbour of life.

In my view, this makes stability enigmatic. If we do not have a stable life, we may never build a comfort zone. If we never build a comfort zone, what exactly are we getting out of? 

That sounded weird, right 😩? As one can actually be stable in crime. Crime, therefore, is that person's comfort zone/harbour or stable place.

Being stable in life, finances, career,  marriage and parenthood can be comforting. But it can also, over time, become stale and confining. 

My people would say "one who has a cap, does not have a head. One who has a head does not have a cap". 😊

This, in the context of stability, means some people live turbulent lives, as in the story of the IDPs, and just want some sort of stability. While others live stable, comforting lives, which have become confining for them.

I'm likening the latter to wearing a tie that made you look dapper at the beginning of your day, but that is beginning to chafe at your neck as the day went by. 

My musing this morning has thus led me to conclude that life is all about balance.

Although stability cannot be underestimated in our lives, we must also prepare, as much as we can, for curveballs and disruptions. Life is always susceptible to change. 

It is very important to be mindful that life, all of it, is a gift, and must be treated as such. 

We must also remember that  "A great future does not require a great past".  

Namaste🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Autonomy

#MyWordForToday is #Autonomy

On this fine Friday, I was taken back in time to my second-year philosophy by today's topic. 

Perhaps, I should have read philosophy instead of Law, because I was enraptured by philosophy in ways that I cannot even explain.

Immanuel Kant was a German philosopher whose views on autonomy remain relevant till today. He taught that we should have respect for the human capacity to direct their lives. (I have simplified it in my own words). 

Funnily,  I took a C in philosophy because of this Kant Guy. I just couldn't understand his views 😊. I am better schooled now though. 

Why is autonomy important? Prior to 1960, the people now called Nigerians had little or no say in their own affairs. 

Although, I wasn't born at the time, I can still sense and feel the rankling of being held over a barrel.

Autonomy may be defined as our ability to think, feel, act and make decisions based on our values. 

So, in my view,  autonomy is Agency's first cousin. 😊

The etymology of the word sprang from ancient Greek.  And it translates to self-law, self- government, or the capacity to make independent decisions.

Marrying all the above to the concept of leadership, be it as a Manager, Parent, Teacher or Heads of Establishments,  allowing and providing space for autonomous decisions, without undue influence is key.

I have discovered that I am fiercely independent, and I do not do well in environments where I am micro-managed.

I find it really difficult to thrive in those kinds of atmosphere. Freedom to make my decisions is very important to me.

So, inculcating in my Children, independence of thought,  self-worth and self-respect is, in fact, a no brainer. As I am a great believer in self-leadership.

I would like to implore parents to please teach these values to their children. 

Your children at some point in their lives will gravitate towards peer influences over your parental guidance. 

You want to be sure that their self-esteem is firmly rooted in them.

Proverbs 22:6 says "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it". 

The Bible does not, however, say stifle your children. I think it is because even God knows we will be rebellious if stifled.

The need to allow for personal autonomy is not restricted to just Children.

Leaders must consciously cultivate an atmosphere that allows their subordinates to thrive.

This is because autonomy encourages individuals to take ownership of whatever project to work on.

Taking ownership refers to holding themselves accountable for whatever task given to them.  And engaging in it as though, it were their personal project. 

In Nigeria, we indulge too much in micromanagement. You see, when a person is micromanaged, the likelihood of the need to be constantly spoon-fed is quite high. 

They will turn out to have no ideas of their own. Well, they will have ideas, but maybe unwilling to share those, because they sense that you do not trust them.

They then rely on you to provide them with basic gumption (okay, that was said tongue in cheek). And worse, they will never take ownership.

We have a submission problem in Nigeria. Everyone wanting to exert control. 

Husbands expecting total submission from their wives. Parents too from their children, and employers from their employees. 

There is too much stifling going on.

Meanwhile, research has shown that persons granted autonomy in the workplace had greater productivity, higher levels of well being,  and attrition rates in those places were lower.

As with children, some level of autonomy is key, because it gives individuals the licence to thrive and flourish.

I must not fail to mention, however, that while autonomy is key, the balance between allowing too much independence and controlling a situation is also key.

I would love your thoughts on this. Please feel free to drop your comments. 

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Reputation

#MyWordForToday is #Reputation

About 5 weeks ago, I wrote a blog on personal branding. Reputation forms a big part of that so, I am going to endeavour to marry both. 

What is reputation? Your reputation, or that of your business, is simply what people think of you. Simple

Now, so long as you exist in this world, you are a brand. And people will interact with you based on what they think they know of your brand. 

These days, opinions are formed about us, our characters, the ability to do a job, and our personalities without a face to face interaction. This is probably because many of us are now on different social media where we express ourselves.

If a Company decides to hire, they would typically ask for CVs. They might hire based on your CV, your track record and perhaps recommendations. I know of people who were headhunted on LinkedIn and hired. 

So, as long as, you aren't dead yet,  branding yourself become imperative.

Every time someone happens upon you, both on and offline, they form opinions about you. 

More often than not, when a person comes across you offline, or even online, they would check out your online profile. 

So much so, that companies or prospective employers check your social media to get a feel of who you are.

Like one wise person said, "reputation precedes revenue". 

I do believe that the phrase, "the Internet never forgets," is one that ought to be cast on marble because the internet indeed never forgets.

"What is excused backstage may not be excused under the spotlight. The spotlight amplifies everything including your assets and your flaws". - Stephen Angbulu. 

This then leads me to ask, if reputation is this important, should it then be given a higher priority over your actual character?

My simple answer is no! I have never believed this. 

I have met people who insist that perception (read as reputation) is more important than reality (read as character) And that one should spend time honing their reputation.

In my opinion, anyone doing this is simply being penny wise and pound foolish.

My people would often say "character is like smoke, you can hardly control it, as it will fan out sooner or later".

I would rather raise leaders whose characters and reputations align and are interwoven. 

How do you behave when you think no one is watching? How do you treat people you think you don’t need? How do you behave when you are wrong?

There is nothing that exposes character defects more than a genuine reflection on these. 

Reputation is no doubt important, but in my view, character is much more important. And you will have aced it, if you are able to align the two i.e. the way you are perceived is your actual reality. 

I do believe you can do this by telling your story showing your personal ethos and values. 

After all, "you cannot build a reputation on what you are going to do"-Henry Ford.

Personal Branding is important. It is an effective way of highlighting your potentials whilst making you more visible.

What is your brand of leadership? Highlighting your authentic self is an effective personal branding strategy. Have you ever googled yourself? 

"Remember what you have, many can have. But what you are, no one else can be". 

Namaste 

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Commitment

#MyWordForToday is #Commitment

Yesterday whilst researching on commitment, I came across a quote attributed to J. F. Kennedy former US President: "Leadership and Learning are indispensable to each other". 

This brilliant quote, I have rewritten to  "Commitment and Leadership are indispensable to each other". For we are all leaders in our own right.

Leadership, as I had written in one of my blogs, has so many facets, and is not determined by your office or position.

Suffice to say that you will never grow if you consistently fail to commit to the goals you have set for yourself. The difference like I wrote on "intention" between an "intender" and a "doer" is commitment. 

Many of us have lofty goals and ideas, but we are unable to commit to seeing them through.

I just want us to know, and this includes me, that staying committed to something further defines and strengthens your "why". 

When you are tempted to either stall or quit, remember "your why". This strengthens your commitment towards it. 

The entirety of commitment is summed up in the Lingo kids ABC song "what we say is what we do"...doesn't it? 😊

Commitment also allows you to find solutions to the hurdles and curveballs that life is likely to throw at you when you begin to work on those goals. 

So think of commitment as perseverance, grit and willingness-to-do rolled together to make a  delicious chocolate cookie. 😉 

Commitment, like many concepts, comes in different forms.  A couple who stay together in spite of the challenges can be said to be committed to the marriage (this is generally speaking of course). 

This pandemic has shown us excellent commitment in many people. From medical personnel, waste disposal guys, teachers etc who despite the daunting challenges have stayed the course; remaining committed to what they signed up for. We are extremely grateful to them. 

Like I always say, every virtue begins with self. When you set and commit to conquering a goal, you honour yourself,  this is a very beautiful thing. 

The Daily Writing Challenge set up by the gracious @ethicalleader is a personal challenge for me. And so, each day that I am not able to write, I see as a personal affront, because I took on the challenge,  and intended to stay committed to it.

"Commitment; what we say is what we do".

Oftentimes, I am tempted to make up excuses for why I didn't write. Perhaps I just wasn't feeling the topic, or I had so much to do. Once I begin to draw up these excuses, I put my pen to paper and just write. 

What this does for me is convince me that even when it is hard, it is doable. It then becomes a sort of SI unit for me on my lazy days. 

Besides this, I get a new kind of confidence in knowing that something was hard for me, but I did it in spite of that difficulty. 

Commitment thus builds one's confidence in their ability to do stuff. And you can always draw inspiration from those hard days whenever you're confronted with such in the future. 

Commitment is beautiful in that it draws you away from excuses and mere interests.  As I said before, it strengthens your why. In fact, if you allow it,  commitment will diversify your "How". 

Like my Yoruba people were wont to say "there are many ways to defeather a chicken". If one way closes, commitment will move you to find another way.

Commitment also encourages compounding. 

What do I mean? compounding is a word generally associated with financial interests.  Let me use the Pareto principle to explain.  If you put in $20 into a well-considered investment, it may over time bring you $100. The $80 profit then becomes your earning, and you may decide to take out your capital and reinvest your earnings. Capisce?

Well, money is not the only thing that can be compounded. Your skills, habits, efforts etc can all be compounded but this takes commitment. 

Commitment, therefore, helps you to compound. As your previous efforts compound, subsequent efforts become easier. (Many thanks to Modupe Odele, find her on twitter @moechievous for this awesome analogy.)

So commit to being committed. It is extremely rewarding if done right. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Intention

#MyWordForToday is #Intention

Intention is a word I became really familiar with when I rediscovered Islam during my service year. 

Although I was born, bred and buttered into a Muslim family and I was a Muslim for about 30 Something years of my life, until I rediscovered Islam, that word didn't really resonate with me. 

Intention is very important to every good Muslim because the Holy Quran says that "all actions are judged by intention". This, I took to mean that no matter the outcome of a thing, only the intention behind it will be the judge. 

As I grew older, I began to understand that for us men, the outcome dictates the intention and not the other way around as pronounced by the Quranic injunction or definition of it.

We find that bad intentions can result in seemingly good stuff and good intentions can go awry.

The Dictionary defines "intention" as a plan or determination to do a specific thing. This thus means that everything we do is begun by an intention. 

Intention is very paramount. It gives you a blueprint of sorts that helps you work towards your determination or plan. All actions, good or bad, begins with an intention.

A lot of people have vision boards to help them visualise what future they would love to feature in. So in my considered opinion, a vision board is sort of an intention or maybe, lets' say goal setting. 

However, no matter how beautiful or powerful your intentions are, it is simply not enough to intend, you must do more. If not, your intentions are just that: "intentions". 

Let's talk about the science behind Intentions. In some of my earlier blogs, I had talked about perception and how it rewires your thinking. Our brain can be made to change, by our thinking and experience; and this is called "Neuroplasticity". 

The children and I watch a British programme called "Operation Ouch" on DaVinci TV. In one of the episodes, Dr Xand said we can absolutely change our brains. It (the brain) is highly adaptive and it is able to organise or reorganize itself, by our help of course 😄. 

I related this to my late boss's tragic accident that made him lose his dominant hand. He had to learn to do everything again, his time using his left hand. 

His need/Intention helped his brain wittingly or unwittingly build new neural pathways for him. Isn't that fascinating?

 

I also read what Dr. Bruce Lipton, a stem cell biologist called "intention setting".

I know….🙈🙈🙈 when I first stumbled on it, my eyes began to roll backwards of its own accord 😀. But I stuck with reading it and somehow he began to make sense to me.

So what is Intention Setting? According to  Doctor Lipton and paraphrased by me, it is the ability to re-evaluate our thoughts to think positively because our beliefs negative or positive affects our cells, and everything starts with the mind. 

He said  "the beliefs we hold in our minds is converted into electromagnetic fields by nerve cells and the Brain "broadcasts" this information to all of the cells within the body"

So when we engage in intention setting, every cell within our body will behave in alignment with the intention we have set.

When you look at it, this is how affirmations become us. Science is quite fascinating in the way it helps us to re-evaluate certain stuff. 

The shape of our brains literally begins to change if we commit to an intention that we have set in.  This is proved by "Neuroplasticity".

As I have said before, Intention gives purpose to our thinking,  but we cannot just intend.  We must commit to mapping out strategies and thoughts that will help give life to our intentions.

In order to do this, our intentions must be well articulated and brought into focus. With an intention comes a purpose, or if you like a "need".  So, if we could turn our intentions into purposes/needs, our brains will be rewired into helping us identify what we need to do.

Think of it this way,  the moment someone close to you buys a  particular car, you begin to see it everywhere. It is not like those cars weren't there, you just weren't seeing them. 

In the same vein, the moment you intend to do something and you commit to it, your brain begins to identify the opportunities that will help you get there. 

So…. Intend, plan, commit and "magic" in your intentions.

Waiting for your comments using #bibiremuses on twitter. My handle is @tysalihu

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Altruism

#MyWordForToday is #Altruism

The last blog I did was on "Wealth", and I linked this to the "Tragedy of Commons". 

Being altruistic is a direct opposite of wallowing in the TOC. It refers to putting other people, their needs, and wants before yours. Most importantly you're happy doing it. 

It struck me that being altruistic is not really human nature (I mean this in a general way) as we are always wont to act in our self-interest. 

Even though studies have found that our first impulse is to cooperate rather than compete, it appears as though we have reconditioned ourselves to constantly seeking self over cooperation. 

True altruism teaches us that if we could go against our nature, the entire world would be better for it. I will give some illustrations to make this relatable.

This pandemic has taught us many lessons. My being okay/healthy is dependent on the altruism of you being careful and vice versa. So if I were to wear a mask and you do same, the chances of spreading/catching the disease are somewhat reduced. 

Altruism has been shoved behind us because we answer the call to our nature far more than we should be doing.  

Relationships (whether personal or professional) have come highly transactional. 

It is not helped when we have people quoting (albeit, out of turn) Luke 6:38 "give, and it shall be given unto you, good measure pressed down shaken together... shall Men bring to your bosom".

This means when you give anything: time, money, care, you expect that same or more will be given unto you.

I'm not saying this is necessarily wrong, after all to whom much is given, much is expected.  But if we continue to give so another can give us,  then we will never be able to strengthen our altruistic muscle.

True altruism is motivated by a selfless desire to help others. Science has found that when we are altruistic, there is a certain "feel-good" feeling that is lit up in a section of our brain. 

This is often referred to as a "warm glow effect" or "a helpers' high". When you act out of obligation, loyalty or religion, you haven't acted altruistically, but it is a kindness in itself. So acting out of obligation, and not agency should also not be discountenanced. (I'm just saying).

Perhaps the "helpers' high" is what motivates philanthropy and charity. My husband, who is also a Legal Practitioner does a lot of pro-bono cases. 

A particular one that stuck with him was of a young man who was accused of peddling drugs and he had been unable to get legal representation that would free him from jail. 

He (My Husband) succeeded in getting the young man off the hook, and because he did it without taking a single penny from them,  the family were very happy.  In fact, the young man's father broke down in tears as the young man had been an inmate for months. 

The afterglow my Husband said he got from helping the family out of difficulty stayed with him for a very long time, and that he would often recall those moments and be glad.

When we are altruistic, it's kind of a win-win situation, we have helped others and we also feel good with ourselves. 

And sometimes altruism comes with non material rewards, recall how angels helped Sarah because of Abram's (as he then was)  help.

In every profession or position, a modicum of altruism is required. Lawyers practice by taking pro bono cases like the example of my husband I gave. Teachers coach a whole generation of younglins in being better persons and it is particularly needed if you are in the Medical services line because it is, of course, a matter of life and death. 

Giving a person a hand when it does not in any way benefits us all. The more we engage in it, the better our society is for it.

I read of a Nigerian man who jumped into icy waters in order to rescue some drowning persons, he succeeded in rescuing five out of six but unfortunately died. More unfortunate is that he left behind a young wife and young dependents who had no help and no support.

These sort of stories discourages altruism because there is no social help when anything happens to those persons who go out of their way to show concern for others.

It is also why whistleblowing makes me feel one type of way (I'm not saying it is wrong, I'm just saying 🙈). But if we reward people for altruism, doesn't it take away the nobility of the act? 

I'm left to wonder if one can reprogram himself/wards/children into being altruistic? Seeing that asides from the helpers' high, there are no other rewards? 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 Cheers.

Bibireosefowora 💌