#MyWordForToday is #Pedestals

#MyWordForToday is #Pedestals

I am not watching Big Brother Nigeria, but I can tell you the names of housemates because it is the hottest show at the moment, everyone is talking about it. 

What I find most fascinating though, is how people elevate their favourite housemates and root for them. This is the same way we elevate our Pastors, Imams, Teachers etc and place them on a mental Podium.

What is a pedestal? it is mentally elevating an individual in our minds or subconscious to a certain level and setting explicit expectations on them. 

When they fall short of our assumptions (recall that they didn’t ask for elevation in the first place) we become so disappointed in them. Does this sound familiar? 

It is not unhealthy to look up to individuals, we all need heroes or mentors, but even heroes need some downtime. 

As it is said, “our heroes have feet of clay”.  We human beings are complex, we are prone to our failures and flaws. We are paradoxes, carrying in us two opposing truths: Good and Evil Characters. 

So you see when you place people on pedestals, you deny them the grace of failing, you forget that blood runs through their veins like you, they sleep, shit, yawn, fart, have sex, struggle, bath, fail and die just like you. 

Being respectful of a person and putting them on a 3legged pedestal are two distinct things. 

No matter the station of an individual in life, we must be gracious and fair to ourselves.  We should never look down on anybody, nor should we revere anyone. 

Want to know why? It stops you from having an open mind towards that person you so venerate and this can be counter-productive because no matter how evil an individual is, we have a thing or two to learn from them. 

Yorubas are wont to say “there is nary a bad child without their own good days” meaning that a bad person has their useful days so let's not throw away the baby with the bathwater, likewise we cannot consistently place people on a pedestal that they might drop from.

Let me end this piece by saying when we set others on a pedestal, we are deprived of not only perceiving them as they truly are, but also of knowing ourselves deeply.

People will be who they are regardless of what you assume about them, and what you assume about them does not change who they are in the least - it only changes your perceptions of them.

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora

Your Quirky Coach. 

#MyWordForToday is #Journey

#MyWordForToday is #Journey 

Life is a series of journeys. Every decision we take, or taken on our behalf, becomes a factor in that journey. 

Everything we do entails a journey which is probably why F. M. Alexander said, “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures”.

Our travel to our futures is journeying. But I have found that no two journeys are alike. 

In fact, if you view your journey from other people’s lenses, you will discover for some persons you were/are a villain, and for others, heroes. So what we mean to person A may differ from what we mean to Miss B.

If you have ever read any of my blogs, it will become apparent that I am a fervent advocate of self-leadership and personal development.

I often ask  "what if we journey in self-awareness early enough? Would this perhaps stop another from experiencing hurt at our hands? Will it stop us from hurting ourselves?" I’m afraid I do not have an answer. 

But I do know that a journey into self-discovery is crucial. When you discover who you truly are, you appreciate yourself better, leverage on your strengths and overcome your weaknesses. 

It may be why a journey to discover self is called marathon, and not a sprint. We also call it a journey rather than a destination or a goal. 

Therefore, if you are outcome-oriented, it is likely that you will miss all the lessons the journey could have afforded you. You will then continue to make the same mistakes. 

Why?  What you become while you’re going through that process of growth and discovery is much more satisfying and fulfilling than the goal itself. And the littlest decisions you make here become a momentous one.

On Wednesday, 25th August 2020, I checked my blood pressure because I had been having this pesky headaches that just won't go away. It turned out that I was courting a disaster because my blood pressure was 150/111. 

And there I was glowing and being so fiercely beautiful ❤, you could never say I had any challenge. I was also oblivious my ventricles were screaming for help. 

By that simple decision of checking my BP, the trajectory of my journey has changed, I am forced to make life-changing decisions for my life and well-being. 

It also turned out that 8 out of 10 adult Nigerians are hypertensive, and we treat it so cavalierly. 

Life is a series of decisions, no two journeys are alike, and one person’s reality differs from another, but I hope that by writing about our struggles and wins, someone somewhere may receive help, by our vulnerability and or cajones. And may have a better journey.

So if you have ever wanted to write a book, publish a Blog, start a YouTube channel, just do it, you will be 10 times better than anyone who will judge your writing or presentation skills. 

I learnt from Professor Henry Mintzberg (@Mintzberg141 on twitter) that Society now thrives on something he referred to as  “socially transmitted epidemics” STEs. 

An epidemic that allows us to see mismanagement and “miss-leadership” (my edit) all around us, but many of us do not see it in ourselves, nor do we understand its full consequences let alone it causes. 

So in our journey in life, we must not by actions/ inactions cause STEs to spread by being unduly harsh in our judgment of other people’s journeys. 

The energy to do this must instead be channelled on ourselves, our skill sets, our economic and people value.

We do not have an inexhaustible amount of energy,  therefore we should focus on the stuff good for us and our society.

It is also important to develop the ability to communicate our value to the people that surround us and our society.

Like @momentswithBren said and I reframe “Our journey in this world, particularly in these extraordinary times, has become a full-time job, and it is okay to feel tired. Cry when you want to. Reflect. Re-energize. Refocus. Re-strategize. 

Don’t forget to smell the roses. Life can be such a beautiful journey. 

Always be 'becoming something'.

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora

#MyWordForToday is #Capacity

Capacity building: Some lessons from My Rainbow Story.

In 2012, I got a spanking new job, I was employed as the Head of a Radio Station, my title was Senior Station Manager: Administration and Marketing. I was so excited that finally, my life has taken a turn for the better. 

I proceeded to put all I had, my skills, my time, my knowledge, everything into gaining my boss' confidence and making the Station run smoothly. 

However, even though I was eminently qualified for the job on the formal skill side, I was grossly unqualified for the soft skill (informal) part. 

A Radio station does not run on vibes and Insha Allah, it runs on advertisements brought in by clients. So the actual job of a Station Manager was really not administration, for that, one can get capable hands, your job is in marketing.

This is what stands you out as a capable Manager when you get your station highly rated month after month and adverts are rolling in and are being paid. 

Therefore, you must build relationships with Heads of Establishment, Advertising Agencies etc. You must ensure your station is kept top of mind. You must innovate, and be creative. 

In that baby girl was lacking, I was focusing on the wrong thing. I lacked wisdom in that direction, with that came a certain arrogance….the arrogance of a poor (wo)man and of course, my boss and I began to bicker and my workplace progressively got more toxic. 

My leadership style was constantly called into question, people were snitching on me in order to curry favour. I was on the warpath with the people closest to the Boss because, for them, the best way to get the Boss' ear was to expose my inadequacies. 

If you have ever worked in the kind of place I am describing, you will be able to relate. 

The politics were killing me, I wasn't sleeping well, I started to underperform at even the things I was good at. 

Why is this story necessary? When You are working towards something, you need to build the capacity for that thing.

In my own case, I needed to socialize more and leverage on my boss' high ticket connections, inveigle myself into pretentious events that I hated so much.

Your skillset must be built in order for you to receive and keep certain types of gifts/projects/jobs, If your capacity cannot carry or match them, you are likely to become like the me above….you may crash, burn and waste those opportunities. 

God rarely calls people without first building their character and making them build capacity. The Bible is explicitly against "casting your pearls before swines". 

So, what does capacity building do for you?

A person whose capacity isn't built will most likely waste that gift, ergo a pearl was cast before a swine who has no appreciation of it. 

Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Joshua all had to build capacity before they got the job of Senior Station Manager. And they remained teachable which helped to build their character even more. 

They all went through the process the metal that came out as gold went through so that they could emerge shining.

What will you do today to build capacity towards that stuff you are praying/working for? Are you going to keep saying "when we get to the bridge, we will cross"?

Remember, you need capacity to cross that bridge, prepare for the opportunities you are seeking. Lead yourself, allow your character to be built, be patient with the character-building process...when you get weary, rest and try again. 

This does not mean you will still not make mistakes along the line, nor does it mean your leadership style will please everyone, but because you have built your character, you will arise and move on. 

Seek wisdom, knowledge, understanding. Become emotionally intelligent and street-savvy….build capacity. 

Take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge your inadequacies, whilst working to better yourself. Do not become a prisoner of your own perspectives, but be decisive in making decisions. 

The Universe is not going to wait while you procrastinate or fumble, it has a timetable and it will follow that timetable...time is precious. 

Don't become that Omotoyosi who was sacked for incompetence. She was working hard, but not smart. 

P.S. Insha Allah and Vibes is Nigerian speak for not putting in the work, but saying "it is well". 😭

Let me have your thoughts please....we all have so much to learn. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora.

#MyWordForToday is #Challenges

#Mywordfortoday is #Challenges.

I had shared this before, but called it Guarantees, it ties very well with the theme of the day. 

There are no guarantees in life. Your health, mobility, limbs, and even your thoughts are not guaranteed, they are all gifts.

We are given a body healthy or not, mobile or not, we are given a mind, smart or not, creative or not. We are all given our abilities and it is our choice whether we go beyond our limits for ourselves, or whether we listen to others tell us what our limitations are. 

 It is our choice whether we learn to be better then we are told we can ever be, it is up to us to be who we are satisfied with. 

We are the sum total of our choices, our bodies, our thoughts. When we are at the end of our lives, it is us who determines if it was a life worth living. No matter how long or how short we have here it is us who determines if it was well lived.

There are no guarantees in life.  A job and a business can be given and taken away just as easily. From being financially free to just getting by, to living on nothing at all, there are no guarantees. 

We choose to stop or continue, believe or blame, have faith or have fear. We can choose to see all things as a lesson and learn from both the good and the not so good, and grow or choose not to see lessons at all and stay the same.

There is no guarantee in life. You can invest all your money, heart, soul and time into a business just to watch it slip away from you, you can spend all your time, heart, soul and money getting a job, just to be let go before you even start making anything. You can create wealth and financial freedom, you can have the best plan, have an amazing job or own a business. There are no guarantees in life.

There are no guarantees in life. You can meet the person of your dreams, fall in love and get married, have amazing babies, live and grow old in the most romantic fairy tale, more in love then the day you met, and it could last till the end or you could lose them way too soon,  you can meet, fall in and out of love, have affairs, be cheated on, be alone, be lonely, be a single parent, not ever find your true love. There are no guarantees in life.

There are no guarantees in life. You can have the very best of friends who you get along with all the time, do things you love to do, celebrate with, party with and just enjoying each other's company. They are there for you when things seem tough in your life, help each other out in all the best ways.

You can have friends who you think are your best friends, yet they tell you who you should be, how you should dress, and what you should do. They talk behind your back, judge everything you do and don’t support you in any way. They may do everything they can to make you feel guilty and responsible for the relationship that you are not even happy with. There are no guarantees in life.

Through our lives, we have to take chances. We may never know the outcome until it is done, we may never know the way until the lesson is learned, we will only know for that brief moment what feels right for us that day. 

There are no guarantees, no way of knowing for sure, but wouldn’t it be lovely if we took that chance, knowing there are no guarantees and I am worth living as me, I am worth doing what makes me happy for this one moment in time. 

We all need to take the chances we are given in life, success and failures alike for without all of them I would not be me.

So please go ahead and live your life. Get rid of the “what ifs”, the fears, the worries, the judgements, the second-guessing, and know that no matter what there are no Guarantees so you might as well take a chance and live your life the way you truly want to live it. 

Authored by Yejide Bhadmus, 

Edits Bibireosefowora

Namaste 🙏🏽

#MyWordForToday is #Knowledge

#MyWordForToday is #Knowledge.

My first interaction with the word "knowledge" came from an inscription on my primary school bus "if you think education is expensive, try ignorance". 

I remember reflecting on what this meant. In my house, I'm known to be a voracious reader because I would often steal away to read books belonging to my older cousins. So it was their dictionary I turned to for answers. 

The understanding I got reading through that day, was that education is the acquisition of knowledge through instruction or tutorial. 

My young mind then rephrased this to "if you think knowledge is expensive, try ignorance". This is because you cannot be educated without knowledge.

The word "knowledge" came from the Greek word "Gnosis" which is "knowing through observation or experience". 

I daresay my rephrase was right on the money. We grow to know or understand a thing either by observing, being taught or experiencing same.

Indigenous people, for instance, have intimate knowledge of how the environment works. For years, they have protected the environment by ensuring to balance what they use versus what they grow back. They understood that Earth's resources are finite.

This is why we must be careful not to substitute information for knowledge. In this age of information, there is too little knowledge and too much information. 

The distinction is important because information is just pure data, it is when it is learnt and understood that it becomes knowledge.

Information is useless without learning.

Perhaps this is why Benjamin Carson said: "there is no such thing as useless knowledge; you never know what doors it's going to open up for you".

Steven Silbiger in the Jewish phenomenon says that the Jewish people acquire knowledge for the purpose of acquiring. I would like to believe this is linked to Ben Carson's quote above. 

For me though, knowledge on its own is useless if one refuses to take action on it. It is pointless to do so, in my opinion. I also feel it is unwise. 

APJ Abdul- Kalam says "knowledge with action converts adversity into prosperity". Boom!!!

Your earning ability in today's world is largely dependent upon how you combine your knowledge, skill and ability to create value for customers who will pay for such….this is Brian Tracy rephrased 😊 

And I concur absolutely. 

In the words of Margaret Fuller "if you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it". 

Abu Bakr was reputed to have said that "knowledge without action is useless, and action without knowledge is futile".

The beautiful thing about acquiring knowledge is that once acquired, no one can take it away from you. I believe this is why people often say that "knowledge is power".

I'm reminded of a scene in the series "Game of Thrones" where Littlefinger accosted Queen Cersei with the phrase "knowledge is power".  

Cersei immediately commanded her guards to seize him and cut his throat. In that same breath, she changed her mind and said " Stop! Oh, Wait, I've changed my mind, let him go. She ended that scene by telling a petrified Lord Baelish that  "power is power".

I don't know why I was so fascinated by this scene. But in my mind, it translates to the fact that "knowledge is not power" if we will not act on it.

Knowledge is only power when we are able to take that information and put it to use. It also means that knowledge can be used for good and for bad. 

This is where the distinction between knowledge and wisdom comes in. 

Wisdom is defined as "a practical usage of your knowledge". I have included wisdom in my lexicon as another gracious word because it is one of those words that has very few negative connotations.

This is why I am not going to say wisdom is useless without knowledge 🙈

Wisdom is the ability to discern how to use knowledge. So one can never be wise without first acquiring knowledge, but you are not wise simply because you have acquired knowledge. 

Like Marie Osmond said, "we can have all the knowledge in the world, but it means nothing without the wisdom to know what to do with it". 

I won't end this blog without this favourite phrase of mine "knowledge is knowing or understanding that tomato is botanically a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomatoes in a fruit salad".

It would mean so much to me, if we could convert this monologue to a dialogue, please let me have your thoughts in the comments section. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Influence

#MyWordForToday is #Influence

In my head, I always imagined the word "influence" to be a synonym of catalyst.  A catalyst for change in one's immediate environment, organisation, society and culture.

I wrote a post titled "are you a fire-lighter or a fire-fighter". In that post, I said "all of us carry fire in us".  Fire, in this context, refers to our core, passion, that stuff that makes us who we are. 

I do believe that we all have catalyst(s) that help our fires burn. These people or things are our influences. 

Let me use the analogy of how we make popsicle or even ice block using those plastic moulds. Influence is typically a combo of parental, cultural, religious or peer pressure. 

These influences help to mould or shape our developments, characters and behaviours into whom we eventually turn out to be.

I was watching a documentary on how eating certain foods can help a mother influence the development of the foetus she is carrying. Those superfoods can help determine the longevity of the life of an unborn child. Influence is powerful.

As with many words, Influence can be positive (fire lighter), or negative (firefighter). I daresay that both the lighter and fighter are essential to our personal growth. We need a combination of adversity and good fortune in our quest for growth. 

The caterpillar must struggle to become a butterfly. If it receives external help in that stage of becoming, it may never transform into a butterfly. Ergo, the struggle (read adversity) is important. 

I was listening to Susan David's Ted women done in 2017 where she spoke about the "tyranny of positivity". 

She said that her culture values "relentless positivity". People are told to remain strong even at the edge of an emotional breakdown. 

The downside is that people suppress these negative emotions and are unable develop emotional agility.

What this means is that our experiences, whether good or bad, are not just important, they also influence us. 

Our personal development and mental strength depends on how we are to process these. 

Fun fact:  its no use trying to avoid adversity. It won't ask for permission before invading our lives. 

While our parental, societal, cultural and experiential values shape our lives, as we become adults, it behoves us to unlearn every negative programming that may have unduly influenced us. 

We should also learn to recognize what is influence from manipulation. 

Impactful leadership is one that creates valuable influence. It certainly has nothing to do with the position one holds. 

These days, we have social media " influencers" who exert considerable social influence on their followers. Some of them are quite manipulative. These are able to influence impressionable minds. 

I will never forget a particular "influential" Nigerian actress who was the brand ambassador for a skin care product company. 

Her host while interviewing her at a social event asked what made her skin glow. She inadvertently mentioned a brand other than the one she was an ambassador for. 

She was, of course, de-ambassador'ed. 

In my view,  a person of real influence is one who is a firelighter. A leader who moulds others, and inspires them to bring forth the best in them. He/she does this with empathy and integrity. 

In our sphere of influence, we impact others by our words, actions and the way we conduct ourselves. 

In fact many times, we influence people without being aware of doing so. I know l has been mentored by people who are unaware of my existence. 

In my write-up on leadership, I said that the cool thing about leadership is that it's not "one size does not fit all" and "leadership is not plug and play". It is deliberate, intentional and positively Impactful. 

The above also applies to influence. 

So, what are you doing to influence your society,  the culture of your organisation and even your own brand? 

Who and what are you allowing into your circle of influence? Remember the saying that "birds of the same feather flock together". 

The value you bring determine your influence. Positive influence is not shallow,  it brings with it depth and integrity.

Before I end this piece, let me remind you that if your position carries more weight than your influence, you are wallowing in sycophancy and therefore courting mediocrity. 

Be an influencer, not an influenza

Namaste🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Wonder

"For most of us, knowledge of our world comes largely through sight, yet we look about with such unseeing eyes that we are partially blind. One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?

Rachel Carson, "The Sense of Wonder"

#MyWordForToday is #Wonder

Wonder also known as "marvel" is intrinsically linked to curiosity. Curiosity helps us to explore stuff which may lead us to see that thing, in a totally different light. 

Wonder may also be known as perspective, leading us to marvel, even at the seemingly mundane things. 

I am inclined to agree with Jesse Prinz who said that "wonder may be humanity's most important emotion"... It is that one emotion that has inspired our greatest achievements in science, arts and religion".

Wonder is what stops us in our tracks,  as we pause to marvel at an intricate design, a natural phenomenon, or even the way bees make honey. 

Wonder is what keeps me glued to Discovery Channel's "How Do They Do It", learning how salted almonds are made.

Wonder is what makes me grow beans in a plastic bowl, with cotton wool as soil and watch it blossom, in three days, before transplanting it.

I daresay Gynecologists, no matter how many births they attend to, still marvel at how a woman pushes a baby, through that 10cm narrow cavity. 

Wonder is a wonderful emotion, that if allowed to flourish, can cause us to be exceedingly thankful. I kid you not.

Being thankful does not cause our challenges to fly away, but it might cause us to see it in a different light, a different perspective…..the simple wonders of life.

In Ekiti State, SW Nigeria, there is the mysterious "Ikogosi Warm Springs", which has a warm spring flowing, side by side, by it, another spring, a cold one.

I mean 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️ isn't that wonderful?

One of the myths surrounding it is that the warm and cold springs were the two wives of a great hunter. One wife was said to be temperamental, while the other was quiet. 

One day, the two wives had a fight and after being rebuked by their husband, the temperamental wife mystically changed to the warm spring, while the quiet one turned to the cold spring. (I'm still wondering why the cold one chose to turn though) 😅

There are many things that cause us to go slack-eyed when we behold them. Particularly in nature, the waterfalls, the mountains, the way the flowers grow wild, free and colourful.

It is this slack eyedness in us that makes me disagree that we lose our sense of wonder as adults. 

What I believe happens to us, is that we stop finding pleasure, in simple things.  One day, our nine-year-old said I cannot wait to be as grown as you, so I can do XYZ. 

I looked at her with such sadness, that she was startled and sought to know why my face was that sad.

I told her to enjoy being a child as much as she could. Adulting is not as attractive as she thinks it is. In fact, adulting is a scam. I cannot indulge, with reckless abandon in the kinds of play as she could. I have to be responsible, pay bills etc. 🙄

All of these can rob one of enjoying life's simple pleasures (awwww, I miss my irresponsible days). 😓😂

Well,  something shifted in me that day. I realised I was allowing adulthood to rob me of some of life's beautiful moments. 

I then resolved to revel more in those simple joys,  reconnect with nature to soothe me in my times of distress, watch more PBS Station cartoons, laugh and dance like there are no bills to be paid. 

So now,  I sit with our four-year-old and gist about nothing. We will chuckle and LOL as we have "moving conversations" about absolutely nothing.

Dr Seuss did say that our brains in order to be more brainy needs "nonsense". 

It is scientifically proven that engaging in nonsense, can recalibrate our brains to be more productive. All hail Seuss who chose humour over dogmatism. 🙌🏽

Wonder, many times requires living like a child i.e. being fully present in a moment. Taking time to assimilate and appreciate the people and things around us. Like I said before, wonder is a perspective. 

There is a wonder to be seen or felt in almost anything. 

I do believe that Rachel Carson although being a marine biologist, was somewhat inspired by the Bible.  

One of her quotes is closely related to Psalms 107 from Verse 23 where it said: "Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters, they see the works of the Lord and His wonders in the deep".  How so very profound. 

As a young girl, I learnt this moving hymn

" Oh Lord, my God! when I in awesome wonder, consider the works, thy hands hath made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed.  Then sings my soul my saviour God to Thee......"

I believe that your journey on wonder can start from here.

Cheers to being a 4-year-old with big eyes rounded in wonder again.

This blog is dedicated to my friend Kayode Adejumo-Bello (May the wonders of this world never go unseen by you). 

 Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Contribution

#MyWordForToday is #Contribution

Nigerians, in fact, many African countries have a contribution system called "Esusu or Ajo". Each tribe/country has its own name for it. 

It is formed by a group of people, usually friends, that come together, to contribute an x amount of money, for an agreed number of Months. Each person may contribute N200,000 Naira monthly for 10 months. 

They will then chose by ballot, a recipient for each month. This means that each month, a recipient goes home with 2 Million Naira. This cycle continues, until the 10 months is spent.

It is an interesting, but risky way of saving money. Done with trusted friends, it is a great way of taking a loan, paid back in bits, without interest. 

This style of saving embodies today's theme on "Contribution". What it means is that everyone involved, contributes their money and time, and they all reap the benefits. 

Someone, often the team lead, is responsible for ensuring timely contributions and payment by members. 

I am giving this instance to buttress the Yoruba saying that a society cannot do much, or be more, without the positive contribution of its members. 

The adage reads: "cooperation, where everyone contributes positively, works better than individualism; one hand cannot lift the load to the head". 

This translation is not so apt, but I'm sure you get the idea.

In many parts of Yorubaland, SW Nigeria, we traditionally carry stuff on the head. This practice is still very rife in rural areas, so one would typically need another pair of hands to help lift one's load onto the head. 

If you have ever led a team, you will know that you truly cannot survive or be successful without your team's active support. This adage readily comes to mind. 

Contribute originates from a Latin word that means "to bring together, to add, or unite". 

So in a familial setting, a unit of people may not thrive if one member of the family is not actively and positively present. 

According to the National Institute of  Justice (NJI) "Children of incarcerated parents face profound and complex threats to their emotional, physical, educational, and financial well-being."

This is because the contribution of that one parent is vital to the well being of the Children. 

I read statistics made by a psychologist who researched the impact of absent fathers on children, the London Prisons which apparently houses a lot of men, was the test subject. 

She said the absence of fathers that led to mothers raising the children is causing a parenting deficit. This thus means that each member of the family is valuable, and their contributions can never be underestimated.

The African Society is built on communal living, and sadly we seem to be losing this culture of ours. Africans believe that it takes a village to raise a child, it takes the contribution of each member of the Society to raise children. 

Taking a look at the role of teachers and their contribution to the child, and ergo the society. It is pivotal to the learning of a child for both the teacher and parents to be consensus ad idem. 

If the parent does not agree with the teaching method adopted by their Child's teacher, the child's education may suffer and if the teacher is impervious or not committed to the learning needs of the wards, same happens.

That child's contribution to society becomes endangered. Every valuable contribution is needed for The Society to thrive a tree does not make a forest.

Let me tell you a story. There was this support staff at my university.  Although, not being the vice-chancellor nor was she part of the school senate, her contributions to our lives was too important. 

Her job is to compile transcripts for students wanting to travel abroad for further studies or those needing it for myriad reasons. 

She was the oil that helped to keep that particular engine moving. This means that as small as our little finger is, its loss may disable us from holding our pens comfortably. 

As the leader of a team, you must consider the contribution of every member must be considered valuable. 

Remember the story of Naaman and the Hebrew girl (it is instructive to note that she was referred to as "the servant girl). Without her contribution that fateful day,  Naaman might have been a leper for the rest of his life. 

When I conduct leadership classes, I like to focus on the quieter members of my class. I find that the stiller a person is, the more they hold inside of them. Every word they speak has been carefully considered before they utter it. 

When we allow and appreciate the contribution of everyone, even those of the children that came out of our vaginas, there is a sense of fulfilment that comes with this, that helps us all to thrive. 

Remember "one hand cannot carry the load onto the head."

Namaste🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora💌

#MyWordForToday is #Release

#MyWordForToday is #Release.

"God, Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 paraphrased. 

The other day, I listened to Loyiso Bala and Don Moen sing the evergreen song "it is well with my soul", and yet again, I was amazed at Spafford's (the original singer) incredible resilience.

That song has always been a sort of catharsis for me. In 2010, when I got passed over for a job that I had worked so hard to get, it provided a much-needed release from that shocking pain.

Release means different things used in different contexts. In the context of Spafford' s song,  it seeks to make one find relief or rescue from sorrow, pain, suffering or trouble.  This is also one of the definitions in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. 

Release, unlike many words, has very few negative connotations. So I have named it the gracious word. 

This morning, I listened to Lucy Hone's TED talk on "3 Secrets of Resilient People".

These powerful strategies she stated are designed to help one find outlets or release from the pain and grief that they might be feeling. 

She started off by saying that adversity does not discriminate. This is so true, almost all of us have been broken down by events that either happened to us directly or indirectly. 

Some of us have friends, family, colleagues and relatives going through excruciatingly painful times. No pain is alike, as we all know.

Hone was/is a resilience expert, and she had moved to Christchurch to help with the earthquake efforts. She, unfortunately, got thrown into the other side of the equation, when her 12-year-old daughter Abi, her friend and her daughter's friend died in a tragic automobile accident.

What struck me, in particular, was the fact that although being a resilience expert, the strategies and resources she got from other sources didn't work for her. They only sort of exacerbated her pain. 

In order to gain release from all that grief, she turned to her own research and found these strategies I'm about to share below. I am going to be writing them in the manner they spoke to me.

Strategy a: 

I mentioned this earlier - "Adversity does not discriminate". This means adversity can happen to anyone. We really have no control over it. 

A person wanting to be resilient must, therefore, realise this, and instead of asking "why me", such a person understands that "shit does happen". 

This does not mean that you welcome suffering. What it does is shake you from feeling discriminated against.  A type of victimhood entitlement.

Terrible things happen every time. Sometimes, you watch the news, and shut it off again, because of all the horrible things happening around the World.  

When a tragic event happens to you, one has to see it as a "swim or sink" situation, the alternative is very unpalatable.

Do you remember Whitney Houston's Shoop made in the movie "waiting to exhale"? She sang "sometimes you will laugh, sometimes you will cry? Life never tells us the winds and the whys…".

That song is telling us to just breathe, exhale, release!!!!

Now, this takes us to the second strategy of gaining release or being resilient in the face of grief.

Strategy b: 

Tune into the good: The other part of Whitney's song went thus: "when you've got friends to wish you well, you'll find your point when you will exhale….."

Tuning into the good can be simple as surrounding yourself with people who are good for you and good for your soul (trust me, you know them).  As I listened, I mentally rewrote this portion as "if need be, hunt down the good". What @ethical_leader is doing with #Iamremarkable is a great example of this. 

So deliberately seek out the good in your life; science has proven that it helps to find the good  because it makes one grateful for what one has. 

So if need be, hunt down the good stuff in your life. Count your blessings, name them one by one. 

As Hone put hers, and this hit me powerfully, "don't lose what you have, to what you have lost".

Strategy c: 

The third strategy is to pause in between applying the two above, and ask yourself "these things that I am doing, thinking, (insert the verb) are they working for me or are they hurting me"? 

In the days following her daughter's death,  Lucy said she would pore at her daughter's old photos. She said she began to get upset all over again. She then had to ask herself "am I helping or hurting myself". She decided that she was doing the latter, and stopped.

 This third strategy calls for you to do what works for you in order to gain your release.  The overriding concern is that you be kind to yourself. And it works in all kinds of situations, i.e. "do you really need to eat that last piece of steak"? "Do you really need to seek out your ex (toxic to You Boyfriend)"?

Be kind to yourself even as you are in pain and constantly rethink the strategies you have employed to help you.

You can find a fuller version of Hone's Tedx talk on YouTube. I hope it blesses you as it did me. 

 May we all find release from all that ails us.

"It is possible to live and grieve at the same time."- Lucy Hone 2019

Namaste 🙏🏿

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Meaning

#MyWordForToday is #Meaning

"What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare."- William Henry Davies (1911)

I learnt this poem 35 years ago, as a 7year old girl in Primary School. How I still recall a large portion of it remains a mystery to me. 

But when I started reflecting on this theme "Meaning".... this poem came swimming back to my consciousness. 

What indeed is this life? If we care too much about the rat race of life, where is the time to smell the roses? Where is the time to be happy doing absolutely nothing? 

Before the Covid-19 pandemic, many of us were furiously living life, from one meeting to another as was done in 1911. Running doggedly to meet a deadline at work etc. Suddenly, everything came to a grinding halt. 

All activities were shut down. No more busy, but being unproductive. We slowly went back to the state of affairs as described longingly in that poem I quoted above.

I feel like the reason we were all scurrying around in the name of work is that for many of us, our greatest fear is to live a life where you just die off like smoke.

I know this to be true for me. I have oftentimes woken up from sleep and tried to make meaning of my why. Why am I here? Am I going to pass through life without leaving any legacy? No impact? 

A life lived without purpose. Yorubas call this "a person who lived like a snake that slithers over a rock and makes no impact".

A snake that passes over a rock leaves no indentation or marks. It is almost as if he/she was never here.

Sometimes, there is a feeling in my soul telling me I am not in alignment with the universe. 

There is an aching emptiness that demands to be filled. I took to writing to fill this ache, but my soul yearns for more. (Hey look, I wrote a poem 😀).

Some people have found their whys and are living their best lives, while some of us are held back either by fear, or self-limiting beliefs. 

Some of these beliefs are cultural i.e. emanating from the cultural beliefs of our tribes. Some are just walls, we have over time built in our minds, in order to avoid crushing disappointments. 

If you are like me, wanting to impact your World, let us foray into the Japanese concept of Ikigai.

I'm fascinated by the Asians. They have dedicated a large portion of their lives, to studying life and its meaning. 

Ikigai is Japanese for "a reason for being".

The purpose for which we are here, it tries to help us find the true meaning for our being here on earth, and refers to a union of four essential ingredients of life.

I have classified these in the ways I can best relate. 

Passion: The things that light me up from the inside;

Gift: The skills and abilities that are unique to me;

Mission: How I can help enrich other people's lives using my passion and my gifts; and

Vocation: What the World can pay me for.

I would have fulfilled my Ikigai (my reason for being) if I can get all four to conjoin or intersect with each other.

Therefore, if you can find pleasure and satisfaction in what you do (passion), you're good at it (gift), you impact or enrich other people's lives (mission) and you're paid for it (vocation) you may have found your ikigai. 💃

All of these are scientifically proven to help one live happy lives. I remember reading about a lady missionary who came to a country in Africa, battled with Malaria and all sorts of diseases, but persisted. She died in Africa, in the arms of the children that she loved so much.

It didn't make much sense to me at the time, but now it does. She seemed to have found her ikigai. Doing what she loved in spite of all the difficulties.

You will notice that getting paid is listed last, I believe it is because money though important and necessary, will not make you happy if the other three components are missing.

Finding our ikigai might not be easy. It will take deep diving to the innermost parts of our souls and examining those parts we might loathe to go.

Also, I do not know if I have whetted your appetite enough to get you to want to understand your Ikigai. 

I am dedicated to ikigai-ing this one life that I have come, not as a " Sokoto Red Goat or Grass 😂 (at least they are fulfilling their purposes). I will give meaning to this life.

Leaving you with these words by Howard Thurman: 

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

Namaste 🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Stability

#MyWordForToday is #Stability

Human beings are perhaps the only animals that actively crave for stability, and would do almost everything to gain that. 

Other animals are usually in constant motion, foraging for food, shelter, safety etc. Once they are unable to find these in a location, they will disrupt their current circumstances, to go in search of greener pastures. 

You see, life is about change. You can be stable in a place, or a set of circumstances for years, and BOOM, everything changes. Your life, as you know it becomes turned upside down.

Many of us know this because we often mouth the phrase "the only constant thing in life is change".

This, however, does not stop us from craving stability. I do believe it is a basic human need, and we all have to be stable in order to thrive.

It is the stability of both the Sun and Moon that enables us to plan for the future and perhaps live normal lives.

Stability can then mean achieving "a state of equilibrium", "a life that is not prone to fluctuations". It can also mean living a "calm and tranquil life".

Stability is particularly important for children, because a lot of adult problems stem from issues encountered, and unresolved, from childhood.

I was saying on my Twitter the other day that Michael Jackson had everything. Fame,  fortune, the adulation of many people, but he was also intensely unhappy.

When I wondered out loud about this, lots of people were of the opinion, that there were issues unresolved from his childhood, stemming perhaps,  from being thrust into stardom, so early in life. 

Children in war-torn places around the world live such tragic lives, and it is so painful to watch.

In Nigeria, we have children who are suffering from a disruption of their childhood because of the unrest in those parts of the Country. 

These children are put in "Internally-displaced Persons Camps" and referred to as IDPs. Some of them have lost their homes, some both parents, and everything their lives were. 

All sorts of unimaginable things happen in those places, and I cannot begin to imagine what life holds for these poor children if they become adults in those circumstances. In fact, as it is, life is already tortuous and unstable.

It is funny that stability, although very important may deprive one of being resilient. The phrase "a ship is safe in harbour, but this is not what ships are built for" resonates here.

We will never grow resilient if we remain in the harbour of life.

In my view, this makes stability enigmatic. If we do not have a stable life, we may never build a comfort zone. If we never build a comfort zone, what exactly are we getting out of? 

That sounded weird, right 😩? As one can actually be stable in crime. Crime, therefore, is that person's comfort zone/harbour or stable place.

Being stable in life, finances, career,  marriage and parenthood can be comforting. But it can also, over time, become stale and confining. 

My people would say "one who has a cap, does not have a head. One who has a head does not have a cap". 😊

This, in the context of stability, means some people live turbulent lives, as in the story of the IDPs, and just want some sort of stability. While others live stable, comforting lives, which have become confining for them.

I'm likening the latter to wearing a tie that made you look dapper at the beginning of your day, but that is beginning to chafe at your neck as the day went by. 

My musing this morning has thus led me to conclude that life is all about balance.

Although stability cannot be underestimated in our lives, we must also prepare, as much as we can, for curveballs and disruptions. Life is always susceptible to change. 

It is very important to be mindful that life, all of it, is a gift, and must be treated as such. 

We must also remember that  "A great future does not require a great past".  

Namaste🙏🏾

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Autonomy

#MyWordForToday is #Autonomy

On this fine Friday, I was taken back in time to my second-year philosophy by today's topic. 

Perhaps, I should have read philosophy instead of Law, because I was enraptured by philosophy in ways that I cannot even explain.

Immanuel Kant was a German philosopher whose views on autonomy remain relevant till today. He taught that we should have respect for the human capacity to direct their lives. (I have simplified it in my own words). 

Funnily,  I took a C in philosophy because of this Kant Guy. I just couldn't understand his views 😊. I am better schooled now though. 

Why is autonomy important? Prior to 1960, the people now called Nigerians had little or no say in their own affairs. 

Although, I wasn't born at the time, I can still sense and feel the rankling of being held over a barrel.

Autonomy may be defined as our ability to think, feel, act and make decisions based on our values. 

So, in my view,  autonomy is Agency's first cousin. 😊

The etymology of the word sprang from ancient Greek.  And it translates to self-law, self- government, or the capacity to make independent decisions.

Marrying all the above to the concept of leadership, be it as a Manager, Parent, Teacher or Heads of Establishments,  allowing and providing space for autonomous decisions, without undue influence is key.

I have discovered that I am fiercely independent, and I do not do well in environments where I am micro-managed.

I find it really difficult to thrive in those kinds of atmosphere. Freedom to make my decisions is very important to me.

So, inculcating in my Children, independence of thought,  self-worth and self-respect is, in fact, a no brainer. As I am a great believer in self-leadership.

I would like to implore parents to please teach these values to their children. 

Your children at some point in their lives will gravitate towards peer influences over your parental guidance. 

You want to be sure that their self-esteem is firmly rooted in them.

Proverbs 22:6 says "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it". 

The Bible does not, however, say stifle your children. I think it is because even God knows we will be rebellious if stifled.

The need to allow for personal autonomy is not restricted to just Children.

Leaders must consciously cultivate an atmosphere that allows their subordinates to thrive.

This is because autonomy encourages individuals to take ownership of whatever project to work on.

Taking ownership refers to holding themselves accountable for whatever task given to them.  And engaging in it as though, it were their personal project. 

In Nigeria, we indulge too much in micromanagement. You see, when a person is micromanaged, the likelihood of the need to be constantly spoon-fed is quite high. 

They will turn out to have no ideas of their own. Well, they will have ideas, but maybe unwilling to share those, because they sense that you do not trust them.

They then rely on you to provide them with basic gumption (okay, that was said tongue in cheek). And worse, they will never take ownership.

We have a submission problem in Nigeria. Everyone wanting to exert control. 

Husbands expecting total submission from their wives. Parents too from their children, and employers from their employees. 

There is too much stifling going on.

Meanwhile, research has shown that persons granted autonomy in the workplace had greater productivity, higher levels of well being,  and attrition rates in those places were lower.

As with children, some level of autonomy is key, because it gives individuals the licence to thrive and flourish.

I must not fail to mention, however, that while autonomy is key, the balance between allowing too much independence and controlling a situation is also key.

I would love your thoughts on this. Please feel free to drop your comments. 

Namaste

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Reputation

#MyWordForToday is #Reputation

About 5 weeks ago, I wrote a blog on personal branding. Reputation forms a big part of that so, I am going to endeavour to marry both. 

What is reputation? Your reputation, or that of your business, is simply what people think of you. Simple

Now, so long as you exist in this world, you are a brand. And people will interact with you based on what they think they know of your brand. 

These days, opinions are formed about us, our characters, the ability to do a job, and our personalities without a face to face interaction. This is probably because many of us are now on different social media where we express ourselves.

If a Company decides to hire, they would typically ask for CVs. They might hire based on your CV, your track record and perhaps recommendations. I know of people who were headhunted on LinkedIn and hired. 

So, as long as, you aren't dead yet,  branding yourself become imperative.

Every time someone happens upon you, both on and offline, they form opinions about you. 

More often than not, when a person comes across you offline, or even online, they would check out your online profile. 

So much so, that companies or prospective employers check your social media to get a feel of who you are.

Like one wise person said, "reputation precedes revenue". 

I do believe that the phrase, "the Internet never forgets," is one that ought to be cast on marble because the internet indeed never forgets.

"What is excused backstage may not be excused under the spotlight. The spotlight amplifies everything including your assets and your flaws". - Stephen Angbulu. 

This then leads me to ask, if reputation is this important, should it then be given a higher priority over your actual character?

My simple answer is no! I have never believed this. 

I have met people who insist that perception (read as reputation) is more important than reality (read as character) And that one should spend time honing their reputation.

In my opinion, anyone doing this is simply being penny wise and pound foolish.

My people would often say "character is like smoke, you can hardly control it, as it will fan out sooner or later".

I would rather raise leaders whose characters and reputations align and are interwoven. 

How do you behave when you think no one is watching? How do you treat people you think you don’t need? How do you behave when you are wrong?

There is nothing that exposes character defects more than a genuine reflection on these. 

Reputation is no doubt important, but in my view, character is much more important. And you will have aced it, if you are able to align the two i.e. the way you are perceived is your actual reality. 

I do believe you can do this by telling your story showing your personal ethos and values. 

After all, "you cannot build a reputation on what you are going to do"-Henry Ford.

Personal Branding is important. It is an effective way of highlighting your potentials whilst making you more visible.

What is your brand of leadership? Highlighting your authentic self is an effective personal branding strategy. Have you ever googled yourself? 

"Remember what you have, many can have. But what you are, no one else can be". 

Namaste 

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Commitment

#MyWordForToday is #Commitment

Yesterday whilst researching on commitment, I came across a quote attributed to J. F. Kennedy former US President: "Leadership and Learning are indispensable to each other". 

This brilliant quote, I have rewritten to  "Commitment and Leadership are indispensable to each other". For we are all leaders in our own right.

Leadership, as I had written in one of my blogs, has so many facets, and is not determined by your office or position.

Suffice to say that you will never grow if you consistently fail to commit to the goals you have set for yourself. The difference like I wrote on "intention" between an "intender" and a "doer" is commitment. 

Many of us have lofty goals and ideas, but we are unable to commit to seeing them through.

I just want us to know, and this includes me, that staying committed to something further defines and strengthens your "why". 

When you are tempted to either stall or quit, remember "your why". This strengthens your commitment towards it. 

The entirety of commitment is summed up in the Lingo kids ABC song "what we say is what we do"...doesn't it? 😊

Commitment also allows you to find solutions to the hurdles and curveballs that life is likely to throw at you when you begin to work on those goals. 

So think of commitment as perseverance, grit and willingness-to-do rolled together to make a  delicious chocolate cookie. 😉 

Commitment, like many concepts, comes in different forms.  A couple who stay together in spite of the challenges can be said to be committed to the marriage (this is generally speaking of course). 

This pandemic has shown us excellent commitment in many people. From medical personnel, waste disposal guys, teachers etc who despite the daunting challenges have stayed the course; remaining committed to what they signed up for. We are extremely grateful to them. 

Like I always say, every virtue begins with self. When you set and commit to conquering a goal, you honour yourself,  this is a very beautiful thing. 

The Daily Writing Challenge set up by the gracious @ethicalleader is a personal challenge for me. And so, each day that I am not able to write, I see as a personal affront, because I took on the challenge,  and intended to stay committed to it.

"Commitment; what we say is what we do".

Oftentimes, I am tempted to make up excuses for why I didn't write. Perhaps I just wasn't feeling the topic, or I had so much to do. Once I begin to draw up these excuses, I put my pen to paper and just write. 

What this does for me is convince me that even when it is hard, it is doable. It then becomes a sort of SI unit for me on my lazy days. 

Besides this, I get a new kind of confidence in knowing that something was hard for me, but I did it in spite of that difficulty. 

Commitment thus builds one's confidence in their ability to do stuff. And you can always draw inspiration from those hard days whenever you're confronted with such in the future. 

Commitment is beautiful in that it draws you away from excuses and mere interests.  As I said before, it strengthens your why. In fact, if you allow it,  commitment will diversify your "How". 

Like my Yoruba people were wont to say "there are many ways to defeather a chicken". If one way closes, commitment will move you to find another way.

Commitment also encourages compounding. 

What do I mean? compounding is a word generally associated with financial interests.  Let me use the Pareto principle to explain.  If you put in $20 into a well-considered investment, it may over time bring you $100. The $80 profit then becomes your earning, and you may decide to take out your capital and reinvest your earnings. Capisce?

Well, money is not the only thing that can be compounded. Your skills, habits, efforts etc can all be compounded but this takes commitment. 

Commitment, therefore, helps you to compound. As your previous efforts compound, subsequent efforts become easier. (Many thanks to Modupe Odele, find her on twitter @moechievous for this awesome analogy.)

So commit to being committed. It is extremely rewarding if done right. 

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Intention

#MyWordForToday is #Intention

Intention is a word I became really familiar with when I rediscovered Islam during my service year. 

Although I was born, bred and buttered into a Muslim family and I was a Muslim for about 30 Something years of my life, until I rediscovered Islam, that word didn't really resonate with me. 

Intention is very important to every good Muslim because the Holy Quran says that "all actions are judged by intention". This, I took to mean that no matter the outcome of a thing, only the intention behind it will be the judge. 

As I grew older, I began to understand that for us men, the outcome dictates the intention and not the other way around as pronounced by the Quranic injunction or definition of it.

We find that bad intentions can result in seemingly good stuff and good intentions can go awry.

The Dictionary defines "intention" as a plan or determination to do a specific thing. This thus means that everything we do is begun by an intention. 

Intention is very paramount. It gives you a blueprint of sorts that helps you work towards your determination or plan. All actions, good or bad, begins with an intention.

A lot of people have vision boards to help them visualise what future they would love to feature in. So in my considered opinion, a vision board is sort of an intention or maybe, lets' say goal setting. 

However, no matter how beautiful or powerful your intentions are, it is simply not enough to intend, you must do more. If not, your intentions are just that: "intentions". 

Let's talk about the science behind Intentions. In some of my earlier blogs, I had talked about perception and how it rewires your thinking. Our brain can be made to change, by our thinking and experience; and this is called "Neuroplasticity". 

The children and I watch a British programme called "Operation Ouch" on DaVinci TV. In one of the episodes, Dr Xand said we can absolutely change our brains. It (the brain) is highly adaptive and it is able to organise or reorganize itself, by our help of course 😄. 

I related this to my late boss's tragic accident that made him lose his dominant hand. He had to learn to do everything again, his time using his left hand. 

His need/Intention helped his brain wittingly or unwittingly build new neural pathways for him. Isn't that fascinating?

 

I also read what Dr. Bruce Lipton, a stem cell biologist called "intention setting".

I know….🙈🙈🙈 when I first stumbled on it, my eyes began to roll backwards of its own accord 😀. But I stuck with reading it and somehow he began to make sense to me.

So what is Intention Setting? According to  Doctor Lipton and paraphrased by me, it is the ability to re-evaluate our thoughts to think positively because our beliefs negative or positive affects our cells, and everything starts with the mind. 

He said  "the beliefs we hold in our minds is converted into electromagnetic fields by nerve cells and the Brain "broadcasts" this information to all of the cells within the body"

So when we engage in intention setting, every cell within our body will behave in alignment with the intention we have set.

When you look at it, this is how affirmations become us. Science is quite fascinating in the way it helps us to re-evaluate certain stuff. 

The shape of our brains literally begins to change if we commit to an intention that we have set in.  This is proved by "Neuroplasticity".

As I have said before, Intention gives purpose to our thinking,  but we cannot just intend.  We must commit to mapping out strategies and thoughts that will help give life to our intentions.

In order to do this, our intentions must be well articulated and brought into focus. With an intention comes a purpose, or if you like a "need".  So, if we could turn our intentions into purposes/needs, our brains will be rewired into helping us identify what we need to do.

Think of it this way,  the moment someone close to you buys a  particular car, you begin to see it everywhere. It is not like those cars weren't there, you just weren't seeing them. 

In the same vein, the moment you intend to do something and you commit to it, your brain begins to identify the opportunities that will help you get there. 

So…. Intend, plan, commit and "magic" in your intentions.

Waiting for your comments using #bibiremuses on twitter. My handle is @tysalihu

Namaste 🙏🏽

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Altruism

#MyWordForToday is #Altruism

The last blog I did was on "Wealth", and I linked this to the "Tragedy of Commons". 

Being altruistic is a direct opposite of wallowing in the TOC. It refers to putting other people, their needs, and wants before yours. Most importantly you're happy doing it. 

It struck me that being altruistic is not really human nature (I mean this in a general way) as we are always wont to act in our self-interest. 

Even though studies have found that our first impulse is to cooperate rather than compete, it appears as though we have reconditioned ourselves to constantly seeking self over cooperation. 

True altruism teaches us that if we could go against our nature, the entire world would be better for it. I will give some illustrations to make this relatable.

This pandemic has taught us many lessons. My being okay/healthy is dependent on the altruism of you being careful and vice versa. So if I were to wear a mask and you do same, the chances of spreading/catching the disease are somewhat reduced. 

Altruism has been shoved behind us because we answer the call to our nature far more than we should be doing.  

Relationships (whether personal or professional) have come highly transactional. 

It is not helped when we have people quoting (albeit, out of turn) Luke 6:38 "give, and it shall be given unto you, good measure pressed down shaken together... shall Men bring to your bosom".

This means when you give anything: time, money, care, you expect that same or more will be given unto you.

I'm not saying this is necessarily wrong, after all to whom much is given, much is expected.  But if we continue to give so another can give us,  then we will never be able to strengthen our altruistic muscle.

True altruism is motivated by a selfless desire to help others. Science has found that when we are altruistic, there is a certain "feel-good" feeling that is lit up in a section of our brain. 

This is often referred to as a "warm glow effect" or "a helpers' high". When you act out of obligation, loyalty or religion, you haven't acted altruistically, but it is a kindness in itself. So acting out of obligation, and not agency should also not be discountenanced. (I'm just saying).

Perhaps the "helpers' high" is what motivates philanthropy and charity. My husband, who is also a Legal Practitioner does a lot of pro-bono cases. 

A particular one that stuck with him was of a young man who was accused of peddling drugs and he had been unable to get legal representation that would free him from jail. 

He (My Husband) succeeded in getting the young man off the hook, and because he did it without taking a single penny from them,  the family were very happy.  In fact, the young man's father broke down in tears as the young man had been an inmate for months. 

The afterglow my Husband said he got from helping the family out of difficulty stayed with him for a very long time, and that he would often recall those moments and be glad.

When we are altruistic, it's kind of a win-win situation, we have helped others and we also feel good with ourselves. 

And sometimes altruism comes with non material rewards, recall how angels helped Sarah because of Abram's (as he then was)  help.

In every profession or position, a modicum of altruism is required. Lawyers practice by taking pro bono cases like the example of my husband I gave. Teachers coach a whole generation of younglins in being better persons and it is particularly needed if you are in the Medical services line because it is, of course, a matter of life and death. 

Giving a person a hand when it does not in any way benefits us all. The more we engage in it, the better our society is for it.

I read of a Nigerian man who jumped into icy waters in order to rescue some drowning persons, he succeeded in rescuing five out of six but unfortunately died. More unfortunate is that he left behind a young wife and young dependents who had no help and no support.

These sort of stories discourages altruism because there is no social help when anything happens to those persons who go out of their way to show concern for others.

It is also why whistleblowing makes me feel one type of way (I'm not saying it is wrong, I'm just saying 🙈). But if we reward people for altruism, doesn't it take away the nobility of the act? 

I'm left to wonder if one can reprogram himself/wards/children into being altruistic? Seeing that asides from the helpers' high, there are no other rewards? 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 Cheers.

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Wealth

#MyWordForToday is #Wealth. 

In writing on wealth I would like to talk about the "Tragedy of Commons". This is because wealth, like abundance, is often associated with having "material possessions, riches, a state of affluence".

However, as we all know, wealth is not confined to a profusion of material possessions. The Old English meaning of wealth simply meant  "the condition of well-being". 

The Yorubas of  Southwest Nigeria have this down pat because to us, wealth (oro) is often differentiated from simply being rich (owo). 

My tribe believes that being wealthy is far superior to just being rich. Our interpretation encompasses well-being, having well-rounded children, kindness, charisma, class, pizzaz (this is an important one 😄) and education - such a person will be referred to as being wealthy. 

This presupposes that you have both inner and outer wealth. The former, being a state of a wealthy mindset, one of well-being where your mind is settled enough to allow you to make plans for your now and future. 

No one can deny the importance of having riches. From it comes comfort, access to influence, influential people, luxury items, or simply being able to help others by virtue of your money.

The problem with outer wealth is many times we don't know when to stop. We keep amassing wealth,  many times we are unscrupulous about how we make it. 

This is not a post to denigrate anyone but bring into focus that while material wealth is important, undue fixation on it causes problems for the entire world. And this is the link to my reference about the " Tragedy of Commons. 

The tragedy of Commons typically arises from the inherent conflict between an individual's self-interest versus the interest of the community over a shared resource.

In the Tragedy of Commons, individuals tend to choose to be selfish with the commonwealth of a people. 

A Governor for instance (an individual) converts the commonwealth of a people to his personal use, creating a ripple of immense effect, in fact creating a catastrophe.

This is, of course, a simplistic view but nonetheless explains the grab-grab mentality we seem to have. 

And the grabby person doesn't even have to be a powerful person to set off this tragedy. 

It just takes one individual that thinks to take more than enough from a shared resource.  And when he does, it is to the detriment of the other members of the society.

The tragedy often becomes pronounced because all the other members watching him will also begin to take care of their own interest. A vicious cycle is created.

COVID-19 in spite of the many tragic moments has brought to the fore many lessons we ought to pick from.

No matter how much wealth we own, when we die, we will be buried in the ground with either a Muslin cloth or in a piece of wood.  

No matter how expensive these are, they will ultimately be eaten up by the soil.

 We have to rethink the way we process wealth. Prioritising inner wealth over the outer one, being wealthy in compassion, empathy, kindness and integrity will forever trump having loads of material wealth that help no one. 

The Yorubas are wont to say "under a shitload of money is a league of rotting maggots". This means the route to excessive riches is littered with bodies, rotten ones. 

Money is important and necessary. A lack of it is stressful, but undue focus on it is very harmful not just to one person but the society at large.

I'm going to leave you with this thought: 

"The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel, it's poverty by how little" William R. Alge

Bibireosefowora 💌

#MyWordForToday is #Abundance

#MyWordForToday is #Abundance

"Permit yourself to dream BIG and fantasize. It’s free and healthy for your mind and future." @Sola Adesakin

People often associate abundance with wealth or having pockets of money, they are not wrong but abundance manifests in so many more ways.

In our mindsets, in our thoughts, in the way, we relate to ourselves and others, in the way we give love and kindness. 

I planted a stem of bitter leaf in our compound and that one stem is blossoming into a massive tree that is currently serving our entire house.

Relating this to our mindsets, the more positivity we pour into our bodies, souls and spirits, the more fruits of positive stuff we will get back.

If you have ever lived in Northern Nigeria or you've ever been close to the people from the North, one of the first things you would notice about them is their abundance mentality.

They focus on the fact that there are limitless opportunities in business and or careers. They, therefore, aren't generally speaking, threatened by competition. 

In fact, an Hausa man will bring his relatives from the village to set up, right beside him, the very same business he is doing. They do so knowing fully well or thinking that the old Yoruba adage is true "the water I will drink would never flow past me". 

What is abundance?  The dictionary meaning says "plentiful, more than enough, Limitless". But why is it important to have an abundance mindset?

I would answer this by using the "Pareto principle". This is a principle in Economics that suggests that 80% of what happens to us is made or comes from 20% of what we do or we put in. This principle is also referred to as the "vital few and the trivial many".

It is basically saying that the 20% you put into something births 80% results. In computing circles, it is usually referred to as GIGA (garbage in, garbage out) but in life, it is garbage in but piles and piles of garbage out. 

An abundance mindset is also important because if you lack this mindset, it means that you suffer from a scarcity mindset. Nature, as we all know, abhors a vacuum.

One of the ways scarcity mindset manifests is that it makes you blow off other people's candles in a bid that yours might shine brighter. Other people's successes will never limit yours unless you allow it.

Our minds are so powerful that whatever we consciously, unconsciously or subconsciously fill it with tends to become our reality. 

So we want to be wealthy, we want to be prosperous but every day, we allow our doubts, our fears, our self-limiting beliefs, and our pasts to deter us. 

We must endeavour to sit ourselves down, examine these fears and rationalize them. And then decide that in spite of all these fears, doubts and beliefs, we will go on and we will succeed.

We must be determined to sell our lemonades and use the money to buy stocks, bonds and real estate (Okay, those were tongue in cheek).

Basically, we have to decide whether we want to keep the mindset that has not helped us in developing or we want to exchange it for a better one, one that would make us be in abundance.

Let me leave you with these thoughts on visualization. A lot of us think it is bullshit but the truth is, if you do not first acknowledge something in your subconscious mind i.e. to picture where you would like to be, you would never be able to set goals to get there. 

"You cannot feature in a future you haven't visualized"

Bibireosefowora💌